All of us at one time or another have hoped to be promoted. That, of course, could mean different things to different people—landing a job, moving up in a company, being granted more access or more responsibilities.
The possibilities are endless, though some "improvements" are more important than others. For one guy, the most important aspect of being promoted was the raise.
So much so, he began treating his wife differently after bringing in more dough.
After having had enough, Redditor zzzyozzz wrote into the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit, wondering if she was wrong for finally putting him in his place.
The Original Poster (OP) asked the sub:
"AITA for telling my husband to lose the entitled attitude and do s**t for himself?"
The OP pointed out that all it took for her husband to change was a higher-paying job.
"Just recently my husband (31) was promoted to assistant manager of the warehouse. We both work on the ups of 50 hours a week. I am shift manager at a behavioral disorders facility. Both jobs are very hands on and strenuous."
"Since his promotion he has developed an entirely different attitude. Extremely entitled and dare I say rude as all fuck. He is always boasting and bragging. This has been going on for 3 weeks."
The OP's husband made many unexpected demands since receiving his promotion.
"So, some examples are as followed: on his days off he wants the house to be radio silent. If our 4 year old wants to play, he tells her to stick to her bedroom because he needs peace and quiet after 'working so hard'."
"If I make our daughter lunch, he will immediately say 'wheres mine?'"
"He asks me to grab him things d**n near constant all hours of the night."
"He expects nightly back rubs but if I ask he will scoff at me and say 'I worked all day' (even if I had as well)."
"He expects meals that HE likes made every night, regardless if me or our daughter like the meal or not."
"He also now acts like he has full say over the money because he 'makes more'."
But the demands became increasingly more ridiculous.
"Last night was the tip of the iceberg for me. Before this I let a lot of shit slide because it was a recent promotion and h**l, hes excited! So, I get it."
"But last night around like 11pm (I was in bed scrolling through my phone) he comes into the bedroom, lays down and says 'babe you should go make me some ice cream. I want the chocolate drizzle on it. And oh, dont forget the cashews!' Then he starts scrolling through his phone." I ignore it because I feel at this point I was going to snap. He then shook my leg and said 'Did you hear me?'"
"So I responded with 'Yeah. I did hear you and no. Go make it yourself. You were literally just out there. Your sense of f**king entitlement is way out of line. Do s**t for yourself.'"
"He became offended and instantly, like f**king clock work, said 'But I worked all f**king day!'"
"So I snapped back with 'Yeah, I did too! In fact, I worked 12 hours to your 8. Like I said, do s**t for yourself.'"
"He is now saying that he is not acting entitled and that I was just taking my bad day out on him and that everything I said makes him feel unappreciated."
"AITA (Am I the A**hole)? Did I push it too far?"
Fellow Redditors wrote in anonymously, rating the situation on the following scale:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here"
Some simply confirmed the OP works, as well, and should be respected.
"There's also this - equal amount of hours. Not money. It's the hours that cause the exhaustion, not the money."
"You could be working 12 hours as a volunteer and therefore not be bringing in money, and you'd still be entitled to the same feelings, the same amount of control over finances and the same need to upbraid him on his entitlement."
"He should be sympathetic to your tiredness and be making you ice cream and giving you back rubs. Especially as working with behavioural disorders must be emotionally as well as physically exhausting." - SapphicGarnet
"I think OP needs to show this thread to her husband. He's gotten a little too big for his britches and it will cost him, possibly in more than 1-2 ways."
"Sounds like he's not just treating his wife (and possibly his subordinates) like crap, but his child as well."
"Sounds like alimony and child support (for his wife with full custody) would be hard to pay when he gets demoted or fired." - elvaholt
"NTA He sounds like he's on a power trip. Had a coworker (great guy) get promoted to a management position, and start acting like this. He lasted 2 months before he got demoted and reprimanded. He went from a great guy to a braggart and he had started talking to us like we were idiots. A week later I was given the promotion and made sure I stayed grounded/kind to everyone."
"If you don't nip his entitlement in the bud. Someone else will do it and it won't be pretty." - salemonadetea
Others agreed and confirmed the OP's husband needs to come down from the pedestal.
"I think he got confused and accidentally got onto a giraffe as opposed to a horse" - KinkyGCM
"NTA OP, I would put my boyfriend in his place soooo hard if he tried this. In fact, when the pandemic first hit, and I got to start working from home and he didn't, he got a little chip on his shoulder thinking that I'm not working hard."
"He stayed home from work sick one day, and watched me work, and discovered that [gasp] I'm doing the same amount of work as before, and heck, even more because there's a lot more of the always-logged-on culture with my company now that we work from home." - Horangi1987
"Sadly, I think it's worse than that. OP's husband has struggled and fought through [gulp] bring in less bacon than his other half!"
"But now, the natural order is restored, and he is the King of his Castle! Wench?! Bring me ice cream!"
"...never mind that that's ridiculous, you're both equals in a partnership. Guy needs to get a grip on his ego and toxic masculinity."
"OP, sit your husband down and talk him through it calmly. Don't shrug it off until you burst." - Ishmael128
"This happened to my husband. They made him manager of the workshop soon after he was hired- really more a position of responsibility than actual authority (they worked offsite mostly, so he was more 'point man' than boss. They all did the same work.)"
"It TOTALLY went to his head. He would come home and complain about these other guys, who've been there for ten+ years, who wouldn't 'follow his orders.' He turned into Cartman [from South Park who said] 'respect mah authoritaiii!!'"
"A month later, the owner made EVERYBODY in the shop a "manager," so he couldn't boss people around anymore. He didn't last long at that job." - BizzarduousTask
"NTA someone needs to knock your husband off his high horse. You two need to have a serious talk that at home you're equals and he's not the boss. Hell, if he's treating employees like this, things won't go well at work either. Husband and I work an equal amount of hours so we split the chores and take turns cooking. Sounds like he needs to pitch in too." - lynne620
Some were really disheartened to hear the OP's husband involved their little girl.
"Let him know that he got a promotion at work NOT at home. The same guy he was a month ago with the same responsibilities is the same guy he is now."
"You will not put up with it and you sure as hell will not allow your 4 year old daughter to grow up thinking this is the way it is. That you don't care how much more he now makes, that this is still a partnership."
"If he wants a personal servant hire one." - Athenas_Return
"Nip it in the bud unless you want your child learning that this is okay for her future. Don't let yourself be silenced - you are 100% in the right."
"Even if you hadn't worked all day - you're still not his maid, you're not his servant."
"And your daughter having to stay in her room because he wants silence? He can go to his room if he wants to be left alone [and] not make the four year old be confined to a room. I would never let my child be treated like a second class citizen ever but especially not in her own home."
"She and you have just as much a right to exists [as] him. Make noise, take breaks and say no just like him. You are both people as well and should be treated as such." - TheseF---ingGhosts
"NTA and no way did you push it too far. The garbage with he gets to control the money now coupled with only apparently seeing value in his work, being crummy to your kid... He needs an attitude adjustment Fast."
"This is the kind of behavior that can devolve quickly and stopping it quickly and firmly is the only way to go about it. If he wants to live in denial about his terrible attitude it's likely to cause serious problems in the marriage and in his relationship with his daughter." - TimeandEntropy
Though the OP is totally right in pointing out promotions are exciting, being promoted is still little excuse to treat someone differently.
Through hardships and happy times, married couples are meant to stick together.
But it seems with the OP's husband turning what should be a happy time into a hardship, the OP may decide to not put up with giving ice cream and backrubs for too much longer.