A woman inadvertently sabotaged her romantic evening after discovering her date had a micropenis.
The date seemed to be going well for Redditor "cloudedstarrysky," until it was suddenly cut short.
After months of flirting with a hot guy, she finally had the object of her affection over at her place.
However, the original poster (OP) exhibited poor communication skills that night and admitted TIFU (Today I F'd Up) in the popular subReddit.
According to Science Daily, the average size of an erect penis measures about five inches.
But while they function normally like any other healthy penis, a micropenis in an adult male spans less than just over two inches.
Needless to say, the OP—who has never heard of a micropenis, let alone encountered one—felt "bad and embarrassed" after unintentionally insulting him.
She explained that the discovery "happened last night."
"Before now I had no idea micropenis was a thing. Some people are big, some people are small. That was the extent of my penile knowledge."
"I've only had sex with 2 people, so I'm not very experienced, anyway."
"This guy and I have mutual friends and have been flirting for months, and he's so hot with a great personality. Last night after a few of our friends canceled I asked him if he wanted to come over and watch a movie."
"He comes over, I make dinner and we have a great time. We have a couple glasses of wine and I'm not quite tipsy, but loose enough that I don't think about what I'm saying."
"We move over to the living room to start a movie, and he starts making a move. I'm thinking oh yeah, here we go. Finally."
"It's getting hot and heavy and I start making my way downtown because blowjobs are my favorite thing. I pull down his pants and for a minute I'm shocked."
The OP fumbled with her words after being face to face with his miniature pecker.
"He has absolutely no length at all, basically just a head. I think something happened to him and say 'oh my god, what happened?!'"
"And he kinda freezes and says nothing happened. I'm confused and he starts awkwardly kind of explaining that everything works, obviously, that's just his size."
"At this point it's awkward enough that it kinda kills the mood and he says 'I mean, we don't have to do anything' and I start babbling that no no, it's fine, everything is okay!"
"I can tell he feels weird at this point and kind of sits up on the couch, and I'm thinking I've ruined this and he doesn't want to hook up anymore."
"I say 'are you still turned on? Do you want to?' And he kind of gives me a blank look which prompts my dumb a** to say 'I'm sorry it's just that I can't tell."
"What I meant was that I can't tell if he still wants to have sex by his body language, not that I can't tell if he's turned on because of his lack of noticeable erection."
"This completely extinguished whatever we had going and he pulls his pants up while I'm trying to explain."
"He won't let me talk and keeps repeating that no, no, it's fine, we should watch the movie. Not knowing what to do I sit back on the couch and we awkwardly watch the tv in mortified silence."
"Eventually when it's over (I'm surprised he stayed) he basically rushes out the door."
"I texted him this morning asking if he wants to hang out again and apologized for making things weird. He hasn't texted me back and he's been on Instagram so I know he's seen it."
"I feel so bad! And it doesn't really matter that his penis is small, I'd still go out with him anyway! It's not enough to deter me. But I totally ruined it and now he hates me."
Redditors imagined the dreadful moment she uttered those egregious words:
"'I can't tell' – unholy music stops" – ElBatDood
"needle scratches so f'king hard the record snaps in half" – wright96d
"Needle so hard she mistook it for his d*ck." – SendItDownrange
"'oh my god, what happened?' I'm dying at this."
"Like he's gonna say he lost it in a knife fight or at war or something." – Count_Zacula
"Honestly. The first comment was bad enough but that must have just f'king destroyed the dude. Poor guy. F." – zorflap
As the OP had mentioned, the fact that he stayed was baffling.
"I can't believe he stayed... I'd have made ANY excuse to gtfo" – Cannonhappy1
"I could definitely see a situation where he doesn't know what to do so he sits down to continue watching, realizes a few mins later he should have left, and having that whole thought process of 'Sh*t, I should have left then but now it's too weird and I can't just leave now because it's been too long.'" – ChriSaito
"I wouldn't have even made an excuse. Just a 'Yeah...I should go.' And peace the f'k out while I die on my way home." – FG88_NR
For those who were curious, the OP said in an update that they were watching the movie, Parasite.
This was a major communication fail.
"The saddest part is that she still wanted to try but was just so f'kin bad at communication right then."
"Like her player just crit failed three checks." – TheGreatEye3
The poor guy must be perpetually emasculated.
"Imagine having to 'explain' what's wrong with your genitals every time you try to have sex. Good lord" – roxzillaz
"Don't worry penises being 100% of a guy's sexual identity only lasts from puberty to about 70. After that it's smooth sailing." – chocomilkmans
"Honestly, body image issues for guys are a lot more common than is talked about, and even guys with huge dicks get extremely concerned their d*ck size." – ravencock
"My heart breaks everyday for men with a penis that makes them feel insecure or inadequate."
"No man should have to experience such sorrow. I thank the cosmos constantly that I even have an average-sized penis." – ForBritishEyesOnly87
This user had some encouraging words.
"This sounds like a mortifying situation for the both of you, and for what it's worth you sound like a genuinely nice person, so don't beat yourself up over it."
"As someone else said, performance and size anxiety is common, especially if your main exposure to penises (regardless of gender) is porn."
"If you're serious that you're still interested in seeing him again in a sexual/romantic context, I suggest being more direct."
"When you say 'hang out' it could be interpreted as you wanting to talk, or to 'friendzone' him. Have you tried something more along the lines of 'Hey, I'm sorry about how the other night played out, if you're still interested, I'd love to try for a happier ending ;).'"
"I don't think you need to overly apologize or try too hard to r-emasculate him, he should be super flattered you're still interested, and also be super into making sure you're having a good time."
"There's the chance he could see it as pity sex, and if he's not interested don't push it."
"Also wouldn't suggest sharing this story with anyone in person. Good luck."
The OP said the guy had not texted back yet.