Things People Can't Understand Unless They've Been Through It Themselves

Pain

"Nerve pain."

~ LaughingIsAwesome

"I pinched L3/4, L4/5, and L5/S1at the same time. It's unreal the pain, numbness and weakness that comes with it. Also really hard to explain to someone else."

~ Aken42

"I herniated L5/S1 and didn't sleep for 6 days, barely slept for a month. I didn't understand nerve pain. You can't understand it until it happens to you."

~ HamOwl

"My experience was and is so minor compared to what could be. I had nerve damage that lasted for about a year before it began to heal—it’s mostly okay now, but I still don’t trust that limb."

"It looks fine, so you always feel like everyone thinks you’re faking. It’s inconsistent, so sometimes it feels fine, and then YOU start to wonder if you’re faking—then something little happens and it’s hot lightning bolts again."

"That something could be lifting a few pounds the wrong way."

"Or you could feel fine one day and lift something heavy without thinking and be fine. Or it might just be horrible pain for literally no goddamned reason."

"You look the same regardless."

"It’s maddening and f*cking horrible. Take care of your bodies, people."

~ paprikashi

Loss

"Losing a parent at a young age."

"You’re not sad because you miss them. You’re sad because you were robbed of ever knowing them."

"The last times (aside from now) that I cried about her was because a cousin sent me photos and another cousin posted a family video and she was in it."

"The photos triggered a dream where I actually touched her. I was 3 when she passed, so I have zero memories."

~ Schmaron

"I lost my mom at 16 and it’s been 33 years."

"I just started seeing a new therapist and when I was describing my childhood, I started crying talking about my mom."

"She was sick for a long time and I don’t really have strong memories of what our relationship was like."

"There’s just a mom shaped hole in my life."

~ kylielapelirroja

"My wife Alyssa died in my arms on May 13th 2023, at 6:28 pm. She was 33. I heard her last breath, saw her eyes empty, felt her go limp."

"I didn't dream at all the first 4 months after. No nightmares, no dreams. I had to call her family and friends to let them know she had died that evening."

"From September of last year to May this year, she had lost 70 pounds. She looked like a skeleton, but not to my eyes. She was beautiful and I told her every single day."

"She started Agonal Breathing at 1 am on Saturday the 13th. I administered morphine and Ativan every hour so she wouldn't suffer too much.

"I played all of her favorite movies (50 First Dates, Deadpool, Forgetting Sarah Marshall) and read her our wedding vows. Her last words were 'I love you too'. She died 6 hours later."

"When the funeral home employees came to pick her up that night, they asked me if I wanted to spend some time with her before they took her, I couldn't speak. I just shook my head no."

"She wasn't there anymore, her mortal cage had opened its door, and she had flown away. Her eyes......I'll never forget her eyes after she had gone."

"Please, everyone. If something doesn't feel right, and the doctor says it's nothing, GET A SECOND OPINION. C student's get degrees, and Aly's primary care doctor absolutely murdered her through misdiagnosis."

~ Cubbycupcake-Uther

Disability

"Chronic illness and disability."

~ StayWinning100x

"…'but you don’t look sick'…"

~ birchitup

"Have you tried this diet? This essential oil? Losing weight? This drink concoction? Exercise?"

"Standing on your head with your hands on your hips like a down-pointing arrow? NO‽‽"

"You don't want to get healthy."

"You're doing it all for attention."

"You’re exaggerating. Etc... Etc... Etc..."

~ FuzzyTotoro

"My husband has epilepsy and his brother told him he just needs to drink more water—like dehydration is the reason for his brain misfiring."

~ kitty0712

"Chronic debilitating illness and disability. How quickly life can change permanently without you doing anything wrong."

~ melkesjokolade89

"Most people don’t realize that having a body that doesn’t hurt and isn’t sick is a luxury they should appreciate as much as they can while they still can. Illness and disability can happen to anyone at any time."

~ badskibunny

"I'm paraphrasing, but I once read 'The healthy have hundreds of desires. The chronically ill have one'."

"Somehow that quote was what got me in gear to finally pay attention to my health."

~ Liquidmilk1

"I want to add being too disabled to work."

"Living in deep poverty because what the government gives you to live on is barely half of what a person needs to survive."

~ mapletreejuice

"And when you’re not living in complete poverty people say it would be 'so nice to sit at home and just do nothing'. No it’s not, I sit at home because I can’t do anything."

"Remember covid lockdowns when everyone was getting stir crazy after a week? That’s your life now."

"They really think we can just go out or something—have fun outside."

"No, I’m just working on surviving while not going insane from my limitations thank you.

"I’d be overjoyed if I could reliably work, my life would be so much better and less isolated."

"It’s not a vacation it’s forever!"

~ lokimycat

No Safety Net

"Struggling without anyone or anything to fall back on."

~ Fried-Pig-Ds

"Knowing that if one thing goes wrong, I'm completely f*cked. That there is no safety net.

"Then watching prices climb and mentally running scenarios of what I'm gonna do in any given situation."

"All while acting like everything is ok so I don't pass 'adult' problems on to my son."

~ kylanmama

"Not having enough money due to unforeseen circumstances."

"Not every poor person is poor because of their own decisions."

"Finances are like traffic, you can do everything right on the road, and have your life completely flipped by some other a**hole driver."

~ WhereTheMoneyAtBoy

"My Dad's family had money until his brother was diagnosed with a rare heart disease that needed surgery. They sold everything to pay for it."

"It hit them so hard my Dad didn't go to high school so he could work for food."

"I grew up dirt poor because my Dad didn't have an education and struggled with everything. I finally clawed my way out of poverty."

"One hit took three generations to correct."

~ Sekmet19

Cancer

"Cancer."

"What it really means to go through cancer treatment."

~ Japan_Superfan

"I'm 4 years NED but still have regular interventions which terrify me—monitoring CT last December showed random liver growth, so liver MRI in February which thankfully showed it was harmless but so scary."

"Then colonoscopy last week to check for polyp growths (had bowel cancer) as part of my surveillance. One harmless dude found and removed but still the whole process was exhausting and frightening."

"I'm so so grateful for my treatment (was a stage 4 recurrence and treatment seems to have been curative) but I wish I could erase all the memories I have of diagnosis, treatment (which included psychosis due to steroids used to treat radiotherapy side effects and emergency admissions for chemo toxicity), recurrence, fear."

"I think that's what's difficult for someone to get their head round when they've not experienced it themselves."

~ t00manykittieees

Car Crashes

"I was literally in a minor crash, 20mph I was going when someone crashed into the side of me."

"I now hesitate driving by junctions where a car is waiting to exit, I freak out thinking they'll get me. It's honestly so f*king horrible."

~ twopeasandapear

"I was rear ended twice in 2 years. Both times, I was stopped with my left turn signal on waiting for oncoming traffic to pass."

"The first one was relatively minor—her car was totaled but we were both fine. Second time, the person who hit me was injured badly but I was okay."

"I didn’t even notice (?) I was hit—I felt the car vibrate, thought 'oh, someone just hit me' and pulled over—did not realize my car had been pushed up like, 25 feet."

"I don’t remember the actual impact at all. Also did not even realize it was considered a 'serious accident' until the police and the doctor at urgent care and the insurance agent who totaled my car kept all calling it that."

"I swear I have PTSD-like issues from those accidents now."

"I hate left turns and I dislike being in the passenger seat, and I just imagine getting hit in some catastrophic accident now when I drive. When I was driving shortly after the second accident, my Apple Watch kept dinging at me to 'breathe'."

~ Ok-Grapefruit1284

Mental Illness

"'Can't you just wake up and not be depressed?'."

~ Nornamor

“'Why are you depressed? You have nothing to be depressed about'."

"No, I do not have trauma. I had a perfectly healthy childhood. I have a healthy marriage. I love my job. We aren’t rich by any means, but we are financially stable. I have 2 wonderful children. I have a great relationship with my family. I have friends. I have hobbies."

"My brain just sucks."

"It has since I was in middle school. Like how a diabetic’s pancreas doesn’t produce insulin, my brain doesn’t produce sufficient levels of serotonin."

"No amount of therapy or lifestyle modification is going to fix that. I need drugs to function normally."

~ the-hound-abides

"This is truly the thing that people don’t understand. There are literally people in this [Reddit] thread trying to argue that it’s all just your mindset and you need to change the way you think and everything will get better. Just take control of your life."

"I think most people in this world experience depression at some point in their life. But it’s situational, it’s because of something that happened, a breakup, losing a loved one, job loss, bullying, etc..."

"Because they go through that they think they understand what it’s like to suffer through more severe mental illness. When you suffer from a true life long mental illness it is a disability, it’s like having a permanent injury to your knee that causes you to walk with a limp. You can’t just stretch and drink water and walk normal again."

"Sure diet and exercise and positive thinking can help, but it’s not a cure. It doesn’t matter how well things are going in your life—sometimes it’s just excruciating to be alive. Like it just hurts to be awake."

"It’s impossible to explain to someone how awful it feels."

"It sucks because no matter what you do you’ll always be broken. But there’s always going to be someone there to tell you that it’s your fault, that if you just did X you would feel better."

~ MrBurnz99

"Someone commented on another Reddit thread that they completely understand people who have a psychotic episode after they stopped taking their mental health medications because 'people don't want to become dependent on those drugs'."

"It's a perfect illustration of how people don't get what clinical mental illness is."

"Who applauds an insulin dependent diabetic who skips their insulin and ends up in a coma?"

"Or an epileptic who skips their medication and has a seizure?"

"My medication is viewed as a weakness and a choice I'm making to be dependent, but stopping it can kill me just as well as the diabetic or epileptic who skip their meds."

"Massive F*CK YOU to people who have this attitude about mental health medications."

~ Redditor

Sexism

"The medical gaslighting and downplay."

"I watched my girlfriend go through it trying to get her fibro diagnosis and I will never forgive certain doctors—both male and female—who ignored obvious symptoms just because of her gender."

~ mmm_burrito

"YES. This was my experience, also. All because I am a woman."

"Took me well over 10 years for a correct diagnosis for ONE of my ailments, by which time my affected internal organs were literally nothing more than scar tissue, and I was bleeding internally."

"Had to have emergency surgery."

"Doctors had previously insisted that there was nothing wrong with me, and I was just being hysterical or over dramatic."

"They all told me the pain was nothing to worry about."

~ TheBadKneesBandit

"Discrimination. Of any type."

"Disability, religion, sexism, racism, fatphobia, homophobia, anything."

"When you experience it the rage and the fact that it is systematic crushes your soul in a way no one can explain to you."

~ dawnofsea

Isolation

"There are lots of facets to this that I think aren't spoken about enough. When loneliness or isolation is mentioned, particularly on TV/posters it often focuses on the immediate obvious aspect of it (such as sitting alone in a quiet room)."

"That part is unpleasant but I think it's far from being the worst part of it. I've spent a long time with 0 support system & there are so many tiny things going on buzzing about like a thousand cuts."

"Have a question about something? No one to ask. Have a funny/philosophical/stupid thought? No one to share it with."

"Need someone to hold up a shelf while you nail it in? No one there. Need someone to witness you signing a will or other important document? Good luck."

"Read a book & want to discuss it with someone? Nah. Need a character witness for something? Proverbial lol."

"Break your leg & need a lift home from hospital? Yeah right. In an abusive relationship getting gaslit by your partner? No one is there to tell you that's what's happening."

"Want advice on your first tattoo? How about a blank wall. Want to watch a film with someone? No. The joy of shared experience is not something you can access."

"Want to play that board game you saw? Better get a single-player. Want to swap funny stories with people? Better just keep them to yourself."

"Get sick & can't get to the post office to send important documents? No one will believe you when you say you've no one to do it for you."

"Regarding the last one I know that people don't understand what isolation is like because I've tried in very plain language to say 'I do not have anyone who can do this for me' & they always act as if I'm just not looking hard enough & if I just looked again I'd find 3 people hidden under the carpet."

"Having 0 outside perspectives is actually quite serious too. Maybe living in a bubble with no one to challenge anything sounds good on paper but in reality it's horrible. Perspective & relativity keeps us grounded, keeps us in check, keeps us healthy."

"For example if you experience something but have no one to talk to about it, it can be hard to know if you're under-reacting or overreacting which can have all sorts of different ramifications on a spectrum where one end is being taken advantage of & the other end is radicalisation."

"Being isolated warps everything. Enough of it can affect you in the same way physical pain does. Your tolerance for dealing with tough situations will diminish because the only energy you have is yours."

"Having a support system is like an exchange of energy & we have a lot more energy when we have people to trade it with. We can do more things, see different avenues we'd not have noticed, deal with more obstacles & people don't even notice how much this silent exchange is carrying them through life until they don't have it anymore."

"It's not simply sitting alone in a room feeling sad, it's thousands & thousands of tiny things that wear you down over time."

"There is a reason 'exile/shunning' is akin to capital punishment in some cultures."

~ CommanderFuzzy

"Pretty much anything."

"If you have a modicum of empathy, you can imagine, probably inaccurately, but I don't think you can truly grasp what it's like to experience anything until you have."

~ RetroactiveRecursion

Some experiences really can'tbe adequately explained to others.

But with empathy and compassion full understanding isn't necessary.