Much like how physics has Newton's 3rd Law that states every action has an equal and opposite reaction, the internet has "Rule 34," which states that if you can imagine it—literally anything—somewhere in the recesses of the internet there is porn about it.
And if you ever needed proof of Rule 34, it's this.
It turns out it applies even to the boat that blocked-up the Suez Canal and halted global trade for nearly a week. Yes, there is now erotic fanfic—like actual porn—about the Ever Given cargo ship and the Suez Canal and it is... well, deeply weird, but also wonderful.
Is there no limit to human creativity?
If you've been anywhere near the internet over the past week, you'll have noted the Ever Given's Suez Canal debacle was and continues to be the meme du jour. People just cannot stop dunking on this poor boat, to hilarious results.
So, it was only a matter of time, really, before people got horny about it. And when we say "got horny about it," we mean horny.
Archive of Our Own, a website (commonly known as AO3) dedicated to fan-fiction of all kinds—rated G to XXX—currently has more than 100 entries of erotic fanfic about these star-crossed lovers, which as a reminder are not people but rather a cargo ship and a shipping canal.
We're talking stories where the Ever Given and the Suez Canal are lesbians. We're talking Ever Given and Suez BDSM.
We're talking something literally titled XXX-TRA WIDE CARGO STUFFS MAJOR SHIPPING LANE — DELIVERS HUGE PAYLOAD!!
And in a glorious internet meme crossing of streams, so to speak, there's even erotic sea shanties about the Ever Given dredging Suez's canal, if ya know what we mean.
Perhaps most revolutionary of all, there's anti-capitalist ship/canal smut too. Get excited, leftists. Sexytimes and empire-in-decline dystopia need no longer be separate entities on your list of interests.
On Twitter, people have of course basically been losing their minds about this.
I have just been informed that there’s already Suez Canal/That Boat fanfic on AO3 & I’d honestly expect nothing less— Nico 🦄🦥♿️ (@Nico 🦄🦥♿️) 1616727209.0
WHO IS WRITING FANFIC ABOUT THE SUEZ CANAL https://t.co/aJ26SCnZ00— licia (@licia) 1616937257.0
@fozmeadows I am simultaneously amazed and confounded by omegaverse cargo ship/canal fanfic. Truly, the world is v… https://t.co/1y6ZNObtzn— C. N. R. Shiotsuki/塩月奈緒 (@C. N. R. Shiotsuki/塩月奈緒) 1616815148.0
just found out there’s.. x rated fanfic.. about the ship stuck in the suez canal...... that’s enough social media for the day!— s ♡ (@s ♡) 1616881512.0
i just saw a suez canal fanfic i can’t process that rn— erin? (@erin?) 1616868977.0
Just saw a tiktok so had to confirm. Fanfic writers literally work faster than god, there are 109 fanfics involving… https://t.co/ZnoD3HRjNS— Gem Hill (@Gem Hill) 1616921406.0
To be honest, we're pulling for these two star-crossed lovers to be 2021's power couple. You might even say we ship them (sorry.)