People Share The Stupidest Thing That's Ever Come Out Of Their Mouth

You may not have to change your home address because of these moments, but you should probably reconsider how many public outings you go to afterwards.

Should Probably Never Shop At That Store Again

"When the cashier said "Have a nice day", and I replied with "No, thanks".

"Background: I wasnt thinking straight that day, and thought they said "Do you want a bag"

DreamerScreamers

That's. How. Twins. Work?

"Her: the twins are 3 years old"

"Me: Both of them?"

suspectedlyrabbid

"Oh no this unearthed a memory i had buried from kindergarten lmao"

"We had a set of twins in our classroom and once on their birthday party I said "your brother got such a cool party, i hope yours is nice like this too" to one of them and he was like "yeah, this one"

"4 year old me was not a very bright kid"

Summery_Captain

That's. How. Death. Works...

"Watching the documentary 'The Last Dance' when a Kobe interview pops up -"

"Me: "Wow, they must have filmed this before Kobe died."

"My wife: "Yeah, obviously…."

Pharmer3

Guess You Hadn't Used One Yet

"What's a pen?

-Twelve year old me"

smartinuff

And You As Well?

"My friend said goodbye to me at my last birthday party:

Her: "Goodbye! Happy birthday!!"

Me: "Goodbye! You too!"

And no later did I utter those words did I realize, it was in fact, NOT their birthday, too."

vincentthinks

Things That Are Normal Where You Live But Crazy Anywhere Else | George Takei’s Oh Myyy

The cringe comes out of nowhere, and you're not even sure how you were able to ask something so incredibly stupid, but here you are.

Lounging in the stupid air.

You Should Have Asked What "Nothing" Tastes Like Next

"In my head I was wondering what one pound of water would look like in terms of volume. What I said out loud however was "How much does a pound of water weigh?"

dyskraesia

Keep Up With Me

"A couple of months ago, I got up and drove to work as usual. Later, my girlfriend texted me from home to ask me if she had left her sunglasses in my car. I told her I wasn't sure, but she could grab my spare key and go check."

"In my car."

"Which I had driven to work."

Devonai

A Quick Way To Kill The Mood

"Ugh....even just thinking about this one, I feel like someone should slap me."

"My ex-girl friend and I had just finished an intimate moment. She was flattering my ego telling me it was one her best experiences with a partner. She then asked me how it was for me. I proceeded to say the dumbest thing possible."

"Oh, you are definitely in the top 10."

"So, I'm single now, in case there was any doubt."

v2micca

Black Is White, White Is Black

"I don't understand why people place bets on who wins, why not just place bets on who loses?"

"Yeah took me a minute to register what I said..."

bornagaindumb

Well, You Knew Why You Were There...

"I came back from my grandmothers funeral and walked into the room, literally into the wake, and without thinking I looked around and saw all my cousins and said, "What is wrong with everyone it looks like someone died in here."

hit_hard510

And then there's these stories, where the person is probably better off severing any human contact henceforth going forward, changing their identity, moving to the mountains, and living off a steady diet of nuts, tree bark, and shame.

Should Probably Have A Chat With HR After This

"I was about 4 months into my current job, feeling confident being fresh off the contract-to-hire period, now moved into a coveted full time role. While walking back to my office from the morning kanban I was stopped by my boss, head peeking out of the office:"

"Boss: "Hey TheMediator, do you have a sec?"

"Me: "For you, I've got lots of secs!"

"Boss: wide-eyes, mouth dropped"

"If you're curious why this was incredibly stupid/embarrassing, try saying the phrase "lots of secs" out loud. Preferably, not to your boss though."

TheMediator

...Why?

"The year was 1995, sitting behind Halle Berry at a Braves game….. Leaned up and told her, if she had married Alejandro Peña, (a pitcher on the team) she would be Halle Peña."

Bizemomchacha

You Don't Need College Anymore. Go Home. Bury Your Head In The Sand.

"In my freshman year of college I was dorming next door to a couple cute girls. About a week into the first semester one girl walked from the coed showers to her dorm room in her towel still wet. We were both unlocking our doors to get in our rooms when she looks at me and says…"

"I know I look stunning…(sarcastically)"

"To which I replied, "don't flatter yourself."

"I had to slid a note under her door explaining I was tongue tied as she was beautiful and I meant to say "don't be hard on yourself, you look great." (Or something to that nature). We became good friends."

Strongbad23

It's In The Descriptor?

"Chatting to a homeless guy on the street and he told me he was feeling unwell. I told him he should be at home, resting."

"It's been 20 years and the memory of it still brings me out in a cold sweat."

pigadaki

Oh Good Lord...

"Asked my friend how his mom was doing at his moms funeral."

phil_mccrotch

"Jesus Christ this is the worst one on this thread. What was his response?"

98Ascension98

"He looked at me and then the casket and kind of smirked. I awkwardly started to try and explain and just said "I'm an idiot. You know I love you. Talk to you in a bit." He makes fun of me now and I can't stop laughing. It's a positive painful memory."

phil_mccrotch

Own up to your mistakes. You'll garner more respect by acknowledging the awkward things you say. However, it's perfectly fine to laugh about it in the moment. That's probably the easiest way to escape the deep, deep shame you've brought on yourself and your family.

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