When I was in Omaha, Nebraska, while touring with a show during the winter, my friends and I scurried to a diner that had received rave reviews.
It was freezing and I was hungry, so I ran, even though I was cognizant of the patches of black ice everywhere on the street.
I decided to do a track and field jump over a pile of snow to get onto the sidewalk and off the street. Unfortunately, I was unaware of the huge patch of black ice waiting for me on the other side of the snowbank.
I must say, I leaped so elegantly like a gazelle over the snowy hurdle, but I was immediately humbled when I did not stick the landing.
I slipped and fell on my back and slammed the back of my head on the pile of snow instead of the pavement, thank goodness. It was probably one of my most recent idiotic escapes in life. But my story has a part two, which I'll continue with later.
Curious to hear of strangers' experiences online, Redditor TheArchitect_7 asked:
"What is the stupidest thing you've ever seen a person do in real life?"
No Assessment
Not taking some time to think or do some research resulted in these brain farts.
Save The Date
"It was me and I asked my dad when the Fourth of July was. I've never seen him look so disappointed before or since."
Why We Must Remain Calm
"In highschool my best friend called me all hysterical because he couldn't remember 911's phone number."
Smashed Spuds
"When we first got married, my husband (who'd never before cooked anything that hadn't come out of a packet) tried to make mashed potatoes by placing a raw, peeled potato on the kitchen counter and bashing it with a rolling pin."
Missed Target
"Somebody tried to throw something at me out of a rolled up car window, twice."
Completely Off Track
"My friend tried to flag down the train, like you do a cab."
"Edit: he was on a station."
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These people learned tough lessons in the most excruciating ways.
Finger-Licking Good
"Old coworker at a burger place dropped the fry scooper into the fryer. Instead of fishing it out with a basket or something, he tried reaching in 'really quickly" with his bare hand. lol dumba**."
The Daredevil
"My brother attempted to do a backflip on top of one of the cafeteria tables (despite never having done a backflip) the day after he got his cast off of his arm. (He broke his arm originally by flying off a swing.) Broke his arm again."
Ouch
"My cousin's son tried to prove that his BB-gun wasn't loaded by firing it at his own foot. Turns out it was loaded."
Getting A View-Freshener
"When I was in high school, I carried around a little Binaca-like breath spray. A kid saw it and said, 'Hey, lemme try that.' I gave it to him. He sprayed it toward his mouth a couple of times, but nothing came out. Then he aimed it at his eye and squirted it, apparently so he could "see" what was blocking the spray."
"He got a big shot of alcohol-based breath spray right in the eye."
"He dropped the breath spray, yelled 'ow' and grabbed his eye, but we couldn't immediately help him because we were all laughing too hard."
– Gorf_the_Magnificent
So Here's The Buzz
"When I was a kid, there was a bee hive in the forest behind our house. Several of us (myself included) had been stung that summer. One girl's dad decided to get rid of the problem after his daughter was stung and I don't know the reason he had for this, the hive was on a lower branch, so he walked up to it, grabbed it, and started shaking it. I stuck around long enough to see him do this, but once a black cloud of angry bees came out, I ran back home, while he was stung I think 40 times."
Why We Don't Drink And Drive
"Get drunk, get in a car accident, get immediately into another car and crash that one as well within a span of an hour."
"Disclaimer: No one was hurt."
– doul0s
Alternative To Oven Mitts
"My friend was baking something in the oven. When she went to go take it out she couldn't find her oven mitts. So you know what she used instead??? F'king plastic wrap You can probably imagine how well that went."
Too much confidence never got these people far.
It Cut So Deep
"A guy I used to be friends with was trying to be edgy and impress his emo 20yo girlfriend, so he suggested they do a bloodpact for their undying love. He had never cut himself so he didn't know how hard or how deep to go. Ended up almost losing his hand, called me crying from the hospital."
All Bark
"I was in a park in RI and saw a man take tree bark off a tree, smell it, put it in his mouth, then he started dancing around near these kids and then he proceeded to choke a little on the bark and someone gave him the heimlich to get the bark out. He was fine after, but needless to say it was a messy situation."
Going Nowhere Fast
"My brother thought that jumping down the stair case was a good idea to go 'quicker and faster.'"
"He only got a few bruises."
Putting Out Fires
"My sister's first husband is an idiot. He tried getting disability with the reasoning that he was too stupid to hold down a job. The state didn't buy it, but we all knew it was true. Anyways, he was a volunteer firefighter (they had very low standards) and responded to a call about a truck with a camper on fire down the street from my parent's house. He was first on scene and didn't want to wait for the engine to respond, so he grabbed the garden hose from the house where the truck was located and jumped under the truck and tried to put the fire out from below. The truck's owner had to grab him by the ankles and pull him out from under it before he burned alive. Of course this is also a guy who put snap together models together with superglue, and somehow glued his lips and teeth together."
– AugurX75
So remember the icy slip I talked about earlier? There is more to the story.
One of my dear friends who was immediately concerned about my fall rushed over to check on me to see if I was conscious because I was not verbally responding. Honestly, I was too shocked to speak.
Anyway, my caring buddy must've executed the same maneuver to get over the snowbank because he also jumped and landed on his back, right next to me.
We were both lying as still as possible for a good minute to assess the situation before we heard our other friend who was with us shouting from a few yards away, "are you guys, alright?"
We were alright, thanks to the snow that acted as our emergency pillows. It was not our wisest moment, but I love my friend for literally going the distance to make sure I was alive.
And by the way, that diner food was fantastic!
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