We've all shared an office with that guy who insists on microwaving fish at lunch and making the entire office gag on the smell.
Well readers, we regret to inform you legendary author Stephen King is one of those guys.
Now you know why people from Maine prefer to be called Maineiacs instead of Mainers.
King recently shared his recipe for microwaved poached salmon on Twitter, and it has fans far more horrified than any book could ever do.
See the recipe below, if you feel like losing your mind in horror.
The recipe starts off so good, doesn't it?
King wrote:
"Dinner: Get a nice salmon filet at the supermarket, not too big."
"Put some olive oil and lemon juice on it."
Okay, sure!
Could probably use at least some salt and pepper, but so far so good, right?
Well, don't be so sure because the next step is where it all starts making the fear rise in your throat.
"Wrap it in damp paper towels."
Wait, what‽
Why would we—
"Nuke it in the microwave for 3 minutes or so."
Oh no.
Oh no no no no.
Mr. King‽‽
Mr. King no!
"Eat it."
Respectfully, absolutely not.
"Maybe add a salad."
This bit of advice we will take, because we've got to eat something and microwaved paper towel salmon shall not be it.
Especially because apparently, it's not exactly safe as actor Patricia Arquette pointed out to the master himself.
King, of course, is arguably the most celebrated author of thrillers and horror stories in the English language, with about a gazillion book awards decorating his mantle and a trove of hit film adaptations under his belt.
Suffice to say, the man knows a thing or two about scaring the ever-loving crap out of people.
But on Twitter at least, no amount of murderously telekinetic high school outcasts or cannibalistic clowns could ever hold a candle to the fear this fish recipe struck into the hearts of tweeters everywhere.
If you're like King and insist on cooking fish in the microwave, chef Christopher Arturo told TODAY you should add salt and pepper, swap the paper towel for an actual cloth towel, and save the lemon for after you're done cooking.
Whatever, just please don't do this when other people are around, okay?
@jaketapoer/Bluesky
@BillAckman/Twitter