Some people are just really hard to live with.
And when they start pulling power-plays in the house, it's worth asking if it's time to deal with it or move out.
A 21-year-old woman moved back into her mother and step-dad's house during the UK lockdown after both of them lost their jobs and needed financial support.
But while she's been staying there—also with her biological and step-siblings—there were multiple issues with privacy which led to her wonder if it was time to move out despite providing financial help they need.
Redditor "PitifulWindow8" wrote into the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit and asked the hypothetical "Would I Be Ghd A**hole" (WIBTA):
"WIBTA for leaving without notice after my stepdad took my door?"
The Redditor explained first the living situation her family has arranged since their lockdown in the UK.
"I (21[female]) am temporarily staying with my mum, stepdad, and siblings."
"There's my full brother (16), my half brother (18 months), my step brother (19), and step sister (17). None of us have ever gotten on with our steps and I'm only staying with them now because I couldn't stay with my flatmate (a nurse), my dad (high risk), or my boyfriend (roommate problem)."
"Mum lost her job due to current events and stepdad has been furloughed, so they asked me and my step brother to pay them 'rent' to help cover expenses (they own the house so this is bills/food) and we agreed to each pay £400 a month."
Living with the step-siblings hasn't been the easiest.
"All my siblings are here full time as my stepsiblings bio mum is high risk."
"My stuff in my room keeps going missing/being moved by people who aren't me. I have proof it was my step-relatives, though they claim innocence."
The Redditor later added evidence to her post as to why she suspects her step-siblings.
"Info: signs of intrusion were my clothes going missing and stepsister wearing them - she claims they were in with her laundry but I do my own laundry specifically to avoid my stuff getting mixed in with hers."
"[V]arious items and sections of my room being rearranged, for example I have a very specific method of organising my shirts and this order was messed up multiple times."
"Also snacks/drinks I bought for myself and put in my room were going missing after stepdad/stepbrother complained that I didn't share with them, even though I left plenty of snacks in the kitchen but kept a few just for me because I'm vegetarian and eat eggs/dairy but also try to avoid byproducts like certain kinds of food colouring/oils and gelatin."
After an embarrassing walk-in, the Redditor decided to get a lock for her door.
"There's also been a knocking issue which 3 days ago resulted in my stepsister walking in on a videocall with my boyfriend, which was both embarrassing and a mood killer."
"After that last thing I ordered a lock online and yesterday I fit the lock on my door. My stepdad tried to stop me, saying it's his house, and he's not allowing anyone to have locks on their door."
"I was a little childish, as I had my headphones on so I just gestured to my headphones and pretended I couldn't hear him until he got frustrated and left and I kept on fixing the lock on the door. I offered him and mum the spare key as a peace offering, but said I'd be keeping the lock for the issues described in the previous paragraph, which led to an argument about trust."
Her step-dad in turn left a surprise for her the next time she was working.
"Today I had several calls with clients in the office (bottom floor of the house while my room is the top floor) and told everyone I'd be in there for about 8 hours. I came out of the office at the end of my workday, went up to my room to get changed, and my door is fully gone."
"I asked what the f**k happened and my stepdad said the door was in his and mum's room and the hinges were in the wheelie bin, and that this'll teach me to disrespect him. I can't get the hinges out of the bin, and I can't get the door back upstairs on my own."
"Due to the layout of my room, there is no longer any privacy, unless I do everything (including getting changed) under the bed covers."
She's since contemplated moving out.
"I am writing this from the office. I will be sleeping on the sofa in here tonight because at least the office has a door."
"I have not paid rent for June yet. I complained to my boyfriend about the situation and he said to just come to his tomorrow and he'd sort out the roommate."
"I've packed my stuff up and put it all in my car, with the intention of leaving this morning and calling after I've arrived to tell people where I am."
But she wonders if this would be wrong of her, given the financial situation.
"My brother caught me moving stuff and I had to tell him. He then called me an a**hole because I wouldn't be helping out for June or giving them time to sort themselves out, and this is my only hesitation as I do feel bad about this part."
"WIBTA for leaving [and] not paying rent?"
Fellow Redditors wrote in anonymously on the OP's (Original Poster's) story, using the following scale:
- NTA: "Not the A**hole"
- YTA: "You're the A**hole"
- ESH: "Everybody Sucks Here"
- NAH: "No A**holes Here"
Some Redditors pointed out the woman deserves privacy if for no other reason than her age.
"They do not respect you as an adult, even though you are one. And they are the ones who need you there to pay rent. Run. Absolutely NTA." - Nogoodkittycat
"Stepdad is insecure that his 21 year old step-daughter is the breadwinner in his house." - Xenogenes
"I saw 21f and decided NTA. If this was a 16 year old who was having drug problems or something, maybe the situation would be different. But 21? Come on. She's a full adult and deserves respect and privacy ESPECIALLY since she pays rent!" - pjcaf
Others felt the need to point out that a properly paying tenant would be treated better than she was.
"NTA. Leave. Don't pay rent. Paying tenants get doors, usually with locks." - teresajs
"Paying tenants also deserve to be treated with a base line level of respect, not punished like an intransigent child."
"OP needs to get tf out of that situation because it is clear that her stepfather does not see her as an adult and an equal." - thatboyistrouble
"OP isn't just a paying tenant, she moved in to pay rent because her mother and step-dad have no income at the moment. She should be able to have all the locks on the door that she wants." - lil_ninja78
One Redditor pointed out that this was about more than a privacy issue, as well.
"And not just a privacy issue. My boyfriend is a firefighter and has been for 15 years. When we went to my friend's place to babysit he noticed there was no door on the room her two toddler daughters share."
"It had to do with space and not punishment but he took her aside gently and let her know that he had carried more dead kids out of rooms with no doors than he cares to count. Having a door on your room can buy you precious time in the event of fires or other emergencies." - Revnorthwest
"PitifulWindow8" shared an update as the responses continued to come in:
"Update: At my boyfriend's place. Told them where I was. Mum is losing her shit, as is stepdad, and both want me to come back. There was another rant about the disrespect I've shown then so I've said no to returning."
While it's understandable that she felt badly about not providing funds for expenses, it's clear there's a larger issue at hand with the stepdad and his need for authority.
Though she was helping with money, maybe this separation will be good for their relationship in the future. It's certain to be better for her.
*If you enjoyed this article, you can read more like it by clicking on the WIBTA link below.*
@joehas/X