Secrets have a way of coming out.
No matter how hard someone with privileged information tries to suppress the truth, they almost always wind up spilling some serious tea.
At least that's how it unfolds on dramatic television.
Curious to hear about people in real life on the verge of "accidentally" slipping and revealing a secret, Redditor Redheadedthembo asked:
"What is your dirtiest secret you’re dying to tell someone?"
Some people's hygienic routines are better off unrevealed.
Bad Gag Reflex
"When I brush my teeth, I sometimes stick my toothbrush a little further down so I gag a little."
– averagebutgood
Two Functions In One
"I- Sometimes"
"Just sometimes."
"I don’t shower, because I’m too tired."
– call-me-sA5
Do Not Try This At Home
"I will just say bleaching your butthole is best left to professionals."
– [deleted]
These Redditors seemed to have never let go of their active imaginations from childhood.
Solo Scene
"That I talk to myself as soon as I know that I'm alone. I pretend that fictional characters I like are watching me and that they're listening to my conversations. I've been doing this ever since I was little and I actually don't know if this is normal or not lmao."
– duckyhead101
Vandals
"When I was in high school, Me and my friend would write really random made up stories to each other in class. She would write a bit, than I added onto it, etc. One of our characters was a crocodile, for some weird reason. And she thought it was funny to just randomly write 'crocodile' in a textbook."
"I agreed it was funny (we were 15 and weird) and wrote the word "crocodile" in one of the toilets. We continued for a little bit, writing it here and there. Somehow, it caught on, other people started writing it everywhere, and it snowballed. it went from me writing the word crocodile really tiny in ballpoint pen on a toilet stall, to people vandalizing school property. At that point, I didn't find it funny anymore and wanted it to stop. But nobody could find out I was one of the ones who started it, because they threatened to expel if they ever found the person behind it. It went so far as the school principal threatening to question every person in school to find out if someone knew who started it. I was scared to death someone would find out, because I've always been a goodie two shoes. To this day, nobody outside of that friend knows I was involved, but I've always felt really guilty about starting it.
– Veronensis
Some secrets are not harmful but can still be scandalous.
The Employee Who Crossed A Line
"I’m a delivery guy and I actually had that corny porn trope of sleeping with a customer come true. I can’t tell any of my co workers cause it WILL lead up to my boss and I fear I’ll lose my job about it. It was a few years ago now so maybe not, but I’m not really willing to take a chance on it"
– DCCm5
Oral Spray Paint
"My fourteen year old has a new beau. He’s lovely. Yesterday they were riding in the back seat of my car. He was being polite & it’s clear he wants me to like him. He was eating those li’l neon orange peanuts butter crackers called Toasted Chee. Mid-bit he laughed & sprayed Toasted chee all over the front seat, the dash, the navigation system, my hair and my face… I had to act like I didn’t notice… And then reassure the poor kid 500 times that he didn’t need to be embarrassed. But it was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen and I can’t tell anyone."
– ramblingamblinamblin
Beware, The Supermagnet
"So this one time I was younger and got a pair of 'supermagnets' not really all that super, but super painful and tough to get them off my junk... True story that only this reddit thread knows."
– Osdab2daf
The Silent Protest
"I don't buy toilet paper in years, because I'm stealing it from my workplace. I would steal more things If they had, but the only useful for me is the toilet paper. It's my small, silent protest against my sh**ty salary. At least I save enough to buy pizza sometimes."
– fkngcookie
Criminal Confession
"I embezzled 20k from my work and no one ever noticed. I mean, the place was a complete f'king sh*t show, but I can’t believe it actually worked."
– DickPunchington
The following users had dark secrets they were willing to share through the anonymity of Reddit
No Kids
"Sometimes I think about how much easier my life would be without my kids. I love them and I would never give them up but parenting can be A LOT and there is no way to prepare for it."
– G_Ram3
Mental Health
"having depression, last time i said that ppl laughed at me."
– Stunning-Standard-90
Forbidden Attraction
"I had a dream last night, I was having sex with my brother. Can't look at him in the eye today. I feel gross."
– Charlotte_Ohara
Daddy Issues
"I had a sex dream once that I was having sex with my dad. It's been years and I still feel gross whenever I think of it, even though there was nothing I did/ could do about it."
– icantthinkofone87
The Punisher
"Once a guy robbed our farm. We worked hard on that and I was devastated. We had camera recordings, police came and collected the evidence then left to find the guy."
"We found him before them and waited for him. We trapped him. He came back because he thought noone is at home. We got him. Authorities beat him badly, even a dog was involved. And I felt so happy. I'm afraid I'm a sociopath."
– Kira_Wolf_1024
And that's why these are called secrets.
While the urge to reveal them can be powerful, it's a test of our will to make sure our dirtiest little secrets will never be revealed at a social gathering where alcohol is involved.
Because that may or may not happened to me. But that's a story for another time. Shhh.
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