The naming of a baby is serious business, and no one knows this better than Redditor "babynamedrama12."
The Original Poster is 8 months pregnant and expecting a boy.
As soon as she discovered the baby's gender, her mind was in serious name searching mode. She was not about to let anything—not even her husband—get in the way of coming up with the perfect boy name.
She asked WIBTA (Would I Be the A**hole) if she told her hubby he has no more say after shooting down all of her suggestions.
"Immediately upon finding out I was pregnant I began searching names. I've always known what I wanted to name my children but obviously wants my husband's input."
"We agreed that if it's a boy, we would incorporate both of our deceased dad's names in to the middle name. Lee and Lamar. Those are hard names to combine but I really like Marley."
Although she was initially open to her husband's input, the couple quickly found themselves at a roadblock.
"When it comes to the 1st name, my husband only likes one name. Which is a nickname of HIS name and his dad's first name. I don't think that is fair. Because our first son has his full middle name."
not interested pass GIF by FergieGiphy
"But he has turned down every single choice. Even nicknames. I'm growing impatient honestly, because baby will be here very soon and we can't agree on a name."
Every suggestion by either parent was met with resistance.
"I've come up with a first name, but it would make baby's initials 3M. Which husband doesn't like."
Joaquin Phoenix Reaction GIFGiphy
"Will I be the a**hole if I say he lost his name privilege? He shoots down every choice."
"Also meant to add, he isn't offering any names either. Every time I try to bring up the conversation, he says 'later.' He simply only wants this one name."
This Redditor mentioned a similar thread and wanted clarification on the OP's wording.
"Interestingly there was another post like this a few weeks ago where the decisions seemed to be going the other way, which I think has to do with your wording (you don't get to control privileges like that)."
"The consensus I think was that because the father was being unreasonable by offering no compromises and the baby was due so soon that she wasn't the AH?"
"I'm going to assume your wording was just a poor choice and go [Not The A**hole] (NTA). You've both compromised on the middle name, your first son has his full middle name, and he's not budging at all on a name you clearly don't want."
"At a certain point he's just trying to out-stubborn you into the name." – Alternative_Answer
The OP confirmed her miscommunication and expressed being at a loss.
"Thank you. I see now that my wording was very wrong. I'm just kind of frustrated. But I absolutely don't want to ignore his input, I'm just at a loss."
Good Morning Help GIF by Satisfied CustomerGiphy
This Redditor assured the name combo isn't such a bad idea.
"OP I'm going NTA on this one. It kind of seems like you're the only one looking to find some sort of compromise. Also, Marley is a great combo of the two names!" – lanipi
Choose wisely before things are set in stone.
"I really hope he doesn't try to pull a fast one on you with the birth certificate and write down his name without your consent." – camlop
"My dad did that funny enough. They were getting my mom's bleeding under control and he chose to change my first name during that time."
"My mom let him choose the middle name and she picked my first name. Everyone knew that was going to be my name and it is written on a lot of the gifts. They of course are now divorced and I still get a bit mad for my mom when the story is told." – BowtotheSpoonieQueen
"My birth certificate has my name spelt wrong printed and in pen crossed out and correct spelling written. I've never had anyone question it but await the day someone thinks it's too dodgy to be real haha." – resilientrambler
The OP edited her post with an update to add some historical context to their name game.
"We had a deal with our firstborn, if it was a girl, I'd name her. If a boy, he would name him. With approval of course."
"We both agreed we didn't want our first son to be a junior because he is already the 7th variation of his name in his family but as soon as we found out he was a boy; he wanted a junior."
"So we compromised on the middle name. Now we are with baby boy number two and he wants him to have his and his father's name and no other name will do."
"His dad's name: Bobbie Lee Lastname"
"Husband's name is: Robert (Bobby) LeeJohn Lastname"
"1st son: Bigson LeeJohn Lastname"
"Husband wants baby to be: Bobbie Marley Lastname"
"These aren't their actual names and I had to facepalm myself because I did not make the connection when I chose the name Bobby as an example."
bob marley weed GIFGiphy
This user is very supportive of the musician's tribute.
"NTA for not wanting to name your kid Bob Marley." – 047032495
The OP continued with a request for readers siding with her husband.
"Bobby isn't their names. Also, please stop telling me to 'just give my husband this' and 'it's important for him to have his son named after him.'"
"That's ridiculous and kind of disrespectful. Am I missing info? We all have my husband's last name. Our firstborn has my husband's middle name."
She means business.
"The name 'Bobbie' is out of the question for first OR middle name. That's my no. The first name should be something neutral that doesn't represent either family."
"I have told him to choose different names, I have asked why this name is important, he isn't bending or budging here. I've had a list of over 60 names all turned down, I'm down to 5 now."
Here is a possible solution.
"The general rule is that a baby name is 'two yes, one no,' meaning that both parents have to agree on a name, but it only takes one parent to veto a name."
"You used your veto a long time ago and he is disregarding it. He is also refusing to participate in the process - presumably to try and force you to use the name he wants. That is acceptable."
"You're granting him every opportunity to participate in the process, you simply aren't relinquishing complete control to him."
"I don't think insisting that you get a say in your shared child's name makes you an a**hole; it's a reasonable demand and you're willing to compromise. However, he is basically trying to give YOU no say in the naming process. That makes him TA." – zugzwang_03
Now that there's one month left to go, here's hoping that will be plenty of time to compromise before baby "Bobby Marley" arrives.
Struggling to find just the right name for a new family member, the book 100,000+ Baby Names is available here.
