Teachers, educators, and coaches are people too.
In fact, they are some of the wittiest people around, you'd have to be to deal with some of the fools, neh, students they see on a daily basis.
More educators should probably go into stand-up comedy but past students and institutions who employed them wouldn't be able to handle it.
Teachers... write down your best thoughts, make t-shirts, you could use the extra income.
Redditor areaditor wanted everyone who has been vanquished by a teacher to speak out by asking...
What is the most savage thing a teacher has ever said to you?
Better You.....
Giphy"After getting hit in the eye with a softball during PE, and almost being knocked the heck out, He said to me 'Son, it could have been worse, could have been my eye!'"
H3nrikL4rsson
Simmer Down....
"Not me, but a classmate of mine who put on his sunglasses in class:"
"'Take off those sunglasses, your future ain't that bright."'
Rooshmie
"Teacher here: my go to line for a comment like that is 'Still getting paid, you're not!"'
skinnerwatson
Oh Jared....
"Not me but my best friend. In Social Studies the teacher was giving a lecture and my friend, let's call him Jared, was talking crap to some friends at the back of the room. He said something about his penis, as high school kids do. Well, from the front of the class comes a real snappy line from the teacher, 'This is social studies Jared, not microbiology!"'
In_Shambles
Hey Sister....
"We were sitting around at the end of shop class just talking sh!t until the bell rang. One student asked the teacher if he knew how to get 4 gay guys to sit on a stool. The teacher didn't know so the student turned over his stool so all 4 legs were pointing up."
"We all laughed and then the teacher said they had the same joke back in his day except it was about how to get 4 sorority girls to sit on a stool. The student thought that version was way better and started laughing even harder. Then the teacher says, 'Isn't your sister a sorority girl?"'
"The look on the students face was priceless."
BaconConnoisseur
Physics....
Giphy"After building trebuchets to launch golf balls in physics, we were doing our tests and someone's went off center on a swing and threw a ball in my direction, hitting me in the head surprisingly hard (actually got a minor concussion from it and it split the skin open)."
"Seeing me grabbing my head and bleeding, my teacher laughs and says 'maybe itll fix the part of your brain that makes you like you are.'"
grootbutmadeofbamboo
Simple Destination.
"In high school, the yearbook committee did a thing where we went to different teachers and asked where they saw random seniors in ten years time, and put the quotes in the yearbook When I gave the name of one of my friends to our English teacher, she simply said:"
"'Jail.'"
ShoddyBiscotti1
You're no T!
"Not to me but my P.E. teacher once told a boy in the changing rooms, before we went out for football, to take all his jewelry off. He had about 2 chains on his neck, an earring and maybe some more stuff, I can't remember. But it was hilarious to have the teacher say 'Who you trying to be, Mr. T or something?"'in front of all the boys in his class."
comrade_batman
"Football Play"
"One of my football buddies got his essay back, and the teacher put the mark, and F or D- or whatever in the top corner, then drew on the top a 'Football Play'... except instead of the end zone he labeled it the 'failure zone' and showed my friend ending up there."
billbapapa
Having Nada.
"Once my P.E teacher said that they have mirrors in the gym to check you posture. I said no, it's to take photos and flex. Then he said, you've got nothing to show off."
edwardio0
365 and Waiting....
Giphy"After finishing my lap of the field for rugby training and giving out times for the team my coach/teacher said; 'i would have timed you but I didn't bring my calendar.'"
EmergencyBerry
"this is boring"
"Upon hearing groans following an instruction to get into groups or whatever: 'Christ, you want some cheese to go with that whine? Just move!' Upon receiving an essay/report with almost zero punctuation: 'This <writing> is so bad it should be on toilet paper. It's textual diarrhoea. It gave me pinkeye just to look at it.'"
"When students complain that 'this is boring': 'Boredom is a thing that happens in your head. So there are no boring activities, only boring people. Lift your game, Tyler.'" 'Oh you lost your pen? I teach. What's my job? (You're a teacher) Right. And you lose things. What does that make you?'"
slatboyfim
absolute disgrace...
"For our Christmas concert I was playing 1st Cornet (small trumpet) and I neglected to wear completely black shoes (they had a white stripe around the rim of the sole). When my brass instructor found out (10 minutes before we were about to go on stage) he fixed me with one of the most intense, burning glares and stated 'you are an absolute disgrace' in a cold tone that was dripping with disappointment and barely repressed rage. He was my favorite teacher who was a super chill guy. I looked up to and respected a lot, but damn, music teachers on concert nights... a completely different beast."
Usidore_
Name It
"It wasn’t said to me directly but rather done to me. I’m a female with a male middle name. We had at least 4 other girls in the class with the same first name as me so I volunteered to be called by my middle name. By the time I got home the male teacher had called my mom to tell her I wanted to be referred to by my male name, as if to say there was something wrong with that."
JazzyDip333
That Sting
Jimmy Fallon Omg GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy FallonGiphy"My 8th grade math teacher blasted me to the rest of the class after a test. 'I won't say the name of the student with the lowest score but his initials are *my name*.' That stung a bit."
CrystalLakeKiller
In a chem class...
"This happened to a friend of mine. In a chem class the teacher was explaining the process by which atoms become ions. He said that metals lose electrons while nonmetals gain electrons. He summarized the point and said: 'nonmetals are gainers and metals are losers' after a quick scan of the room he turns to my friend and says: 'I guess you are a metal then.'"
areaditor
Just like Bruce Banner...
"Neither were towards me, but my history teacher was a freaking madman with his savagery:"
"I was chewing gum and a girl put her hand up and snitched on me for it. He looked at her and said 'This is why people f**king bully you.'"
"Later that year he got into an argument with some moron in my class who was trying to be bada**. The kid straight up paraphrased Bruce Banner and said (and I quote) 'Don't piss me off, you dead a** would hate me pissed off.' The legend that was Mr Summers replied, 'I hate you anyway. Get out.'"
Sad_Dong
Love/Hate
"'I really like you as a person, but I hate you as a student.'"
"My French teacher told me this when I was in high school, during this period where I was really depressed and self-destructive and on the verge of flunking out. Having her be so honest with me and pointing out that I was wasting my potential, but at the same time saying I was a good person, made me want to do better and eventually I did."
-eDgAR-
That's ME!
Sacha Baron Cohen Thumbs Up GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphy"Guidance counselor while simultaneously looking over my transcripts and aptitude test scores:"
"'Well it looks like you're a classic under-achiever.'"
mcagood1
Oh Dear
"My friend told me that her teacher told her at age 12 that she would be the most successful of all girls because of her big boobs. (Mind you same friend who speaks five languages, brilliant and was a junior Olympian level swimmer)..."
rfd2115
Kids are absolutely savage. But teachers can dish it right back!
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