People Imagine What The First Line Of Their Autobiography Would Be

The Unreliable Narrator

"I am not a reliable narrator of my own life."

- profanearcane

"I wrote my autobiography a couple of years ago because I have bad memory issues… and this was pretty much my first line, as well."

- solargalaxy6

Good Start

"When I was born, I briefly held the record for being the youngest person alive. It was all downhill from there."

- peon47

Charles Dickens, Is That You?

"My birth was announced with notices in two English local newspapers: It was the Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times."

- BobBobBobBobBobDave

In Hindsight

"Looking back, I realize that I brought it all upon myself."

- Keefer1970

Something Out of a Douglas Adams Novel

"…I saw a portal. The portal was called, 'Earth, the Suckiest of all Realms.'"

"There was a neon flashing arrow with the words, 'You will regret coming here.'"

"And I said, 'Well, what the f**k. How bad could it be?'"

"And so I entered…"

- Louise-the-Peas

The Big Disclaimer

"Do not under any circumstances attempt to replicate or reenact any experiences in this book."

- Spirited-Reaction257

"Put a big red DISCLAIMER on the front."

- NidzoKamikaza

"These stunts were not done by professionals or under the supervision of professionals. Please do not attempt to replicate or copy anything I recount in these texts."

- GuyNamedWhatever

Solo from the Beginning

"Neither of my parents showed up for my own birth."

- TheBoldHold

"'I was born an orphan' is actually possible and would be an epic, tragic way to start an autobiography."

- Arild11

Repressed Memories

"Most of what I remember didn't happen, and most of what I don't remember did."

- ElHoser

No Refunds

"You made a mistake buying this book."

"EDITED TO ADD: I know it's supposed to be the first sentence, but since you guys REALLY liked it, I’ll extend it a bit:"

"Seriously, you could have spent your money on anything else, yet you spent it on this. There is nothing interesting about my life. But oh well, there are no refunds, so you might as well just read it."

"This might be a fan favorite, or that one book you read a couple of pages of, then put in the drawer where it lies for the rest of eternity. But I got my money anyways so I don’t care. Good luck with the rest of your life, and good luck on maybe reading this book."

- Brotastic29

Very Meta

"In the beginning, [Anonymous] was created. This had made many people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move."

- Cultural_Bison_6306

Run, Forest, Run!

"Despite what Forrest Gump said, life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates."

"EDITED TO ADD the second sentence:"

"It is more like a box on Minesweeper: you pick a blue tile and you never know if you're safe or if your f**king brains are gonna be blown out."

- radioactiveteacup

So Unfair

"Just because my parents wanted to f**k back in 1964, I'm stuck here cleaning up everyone's f**k-ups."

- TrailerParkPrepper

"Your username seems intriguingly relevant."

- WillieFast

"Ask yourself this, is he a prepper living in a trailer park, or does he prep said trailer park?"

- nxnphatdaddy

"I want to read the book about a person who preps trailer parks."

- hp640us

What a Journey

"So I was chilling out in this super comfortable uterus when suddenly..."

- Viking_Hippie

"…I was evicted. My tenancy agreement wasn’t even up for two more weeks!"

- yoursextape

"Actually, I was supposed to have gotten out on my dad's birthday, but I was so precocious that I knew then and there that staying a couple of weeks longer was the better play."

- Viking_Hippie

"I mean, it was really nice. For nine months, I didn't have a single problem or care in the world. I had a private, heated swimming pool, could sleep whenever I wanted to for as long as I wanted to, and I could daydream for hours."

"I never felt hungry, cold, sad, worried, or bored. I was constantly waited on and didn't have to do menial work (like breathing on my own)."

"But in the end, the living space felt kind of cramped and I just went with the flow."

- karayna

Let's Be Real

"I am not the type of person who writes autobiographies, and if you're interesting you likely don't read many; I will endeavor to make this entertaining for both of us."

- Organic-Roof-8311

Multi-Genre Crossover

"This book may seem like a work of fiction; a horror story, a Shakespearean tragedy, a heartwarming tale of hope; but I assure you, everything within the confines of these pages actually happened. The good and the bad."

- Frostbyte525

While not everyone is destined to write a book, or more specifically an autobiography, there were certainly some interesting starts here that we'd love to see more of.

It's a great reminder that there are more of us out there who could write a good story if we only gave ourselves the time to do it.