People Recount The Most F***ed Up Thing They've Ever Done

Professional Grifting

"I worked at a super shady telemarketing company right after high school. They made people think they were a charity but they weren't. They sold stuff supposedly assembled by handicapped people and I talked in a voice that led people to believe I was mentally handicapped so they would feel bad and buy from me."

"I've never hated myself more and I deserved to have my a** kicked."

-- standupguy73

Almost Got Away With It

"Silk underwear was a thing way back. I shat myself once while on a sled with my brother. I somehow managed to unzip and bury it while crying in anger and frustration."

"Mom found it while walking the dog. I cried again."

-- NowWeCanLaughAboutIt

Entrepreneurial Spirit(ualism)

"I stole some Mother Theresa cards from our church and convinced my little cousin to go with me door to door selling them saying we were trying to raise money for the less fortunate. We then used that money to go buy snacks at 7-11."

"I was 12 and to this day I randomly wake up wondering wtf was I thinking. Doesn't sound like it's the most f***ed up thing ever but it did stick with me."

-- 1unimpressedunicorn

Pooping in Isolation

"I shat in the school's toilet , there's was no paper , so I wobbled to the sink to clean up , nobody came in , I was a lucky guy" -- ElegantChampionship0

"That's nothing. When I was a kid, I ate beads at a weekend day camp. The next morning at school, I decided to sh** in the urinal because the stalls were busy. Nobody ever knew who made the poo necklace but me." -- Lasermushrooms

Got Him

"When I was a kid a friend of mine came over for pizza and left. I was upset that he didn't stay to hang out. Heard something at my window and it was him getting my attention asking if he could have the leftover marinara sauce."

"I said sure, slightly opened the little marinara container and tossed it to him. He had on a brand new Tommy Hilfiger winter jacket."

-- jmjones91987

Immediate Remorse

"My first year of college, there was a really annoying guy in my class. He was a total douche. One day he left class and my buddy and I saw that he left his book on the desk. We took it. Sold it to the bookstore and got burgers with the money."

"I helped him look for his lost book the next day for an hour."

-- sumtinfunny

A Severe Approach to Prank Calling

"A long time ago when dinosaurs roamed the earth and you could make prank phone calls, my friends and I called a random number. A woman answered and in a small child's voice I asked her if she knew where my parents were."

"I must have gone on for at least 5 minutes, asking for my parents, got all upset, the whole 9 yards. At the end I said I had to go and hung up on her."

"To this day that poor woman has no idea what happened to that little girl."

-- Tiggrfan

Double Whammy

"My friend and I played poo dollar one Saturday evening on campus in college. Now the traditional way of playing poo dollar is to simply put a piece of poo, and smush it into a crumbled up dollar bill, and when someone finds it in excitement, they get poo on their hands. It's evil already by itself."

"However, a 3rd wanted to join in on the fun, and he's a huge Star Wars fan. He had a huge wad of fake $10 dollar bills with Jar Jar Binks' face on it. He won them as a kid at Chuck E Cheese. He said each bill was 5 tickets each, and bought a wad with the 100 tickets he won."

"He told himself as a kid that these would come in handy one day. Now mind you, these looked IDENTICAL to a $10 bill, except substitute good ol' Alex Hamilton for Jar Jar f***ing Binks."

"So this means that people would pick up this seemingly fake $10 bill in excitement, find poo on their hands, but find consolation in that it's still a $10 bill. But nope, we even took the consolation away. It was a fake Jar Jar Binks $10 bill AND you have poo on your hands."

-- gnew88

Zero Childhood Chill

"I was 3 or 4 years old. Went to amusement park with family. Got into ball pit. Having a good time. Then, in the ball pit with me, I notice there's a kid with some kind of disability or illness, completely bald, with tubes coming out of his nose."

"I screamed, cried, and called him a monster and pointed until my parents came and got me out of the ball pit. I probably ruined some make a wish kid's whole day."

-- ElectricChess

Not Ready for Caregiving

"When I was a kid I brought a caterpillar to show and tell and I kept forgetting to bring it leaves to eat so I accidentally f***ing starved it to death and I still deal with the guilt." -- jesseepeterson

"You have felt the guilt long enough. You are forgiven. Let this random internet stranger release you from this bond." -- Crowmega

"I kept a caterpillar in a little terrarium at home and it eventually turned into a cocoon. I ripped it off the tree and put it in a ziplock bag and brought it to school for show and tall. It fell off my desk at some point and a girl named Alyssa stepped on it. I still feel so guilty. It was over 20 years ago." -- suchafart

Narrow Escape

"Had one of those homemade stress balls with flour at a friend's house and I squeezed it way too hard and it burst everywhere so I just dipped and he got grounded for a week and made to clean up the mess" -- olliemills9

Keys to the Castle

"During middle school I hustled a little bit, you know buy cigarettes for a dollar and sell them for 2 etc. (Anyways the school had these rooms that you needed a key fob to open) A teacher walked by and dropped her fob so I figured I could sell it, I sold it to some random guy on the street for 60 bucks."

"(For a kid from a poor background who hustled for something to eat it was loads) I found out about a week later that the school was robbed, all the computers, books, basically anything of value. We found out that they got in from the staff entrance at the back, which needed... a fob."

"Still feel guilty about it too this day, it was a public school with little to no funding in a poor area."

-- surmj05

Footrace Dupe

"We had a marathon race the entire school. I was in second place most od the race and the guy in front of me would have won no doubt. Instead I told him it would be a good idea of we both ran across the finish line together. He agreed."

"Only for me ton run ahead just a few meters before the finish line. I won but in the most shi**y way ever. It was a good lesson though, if I cant win properly, I'd much rather come second."

-- Dr_agan82

Waaaay Too Much Evidence

"In kindergarten whenever I ran out of toilet paper in the stalls I would start wiping my ass with my finger and smearing the shit on the walls. I also would barely wash my hands."

"I got found out and was scolded by my teacher, the janitors, and the principal. My parents however still don't know."

-- Skyeatsbutter

Manufactured Tragedy

"When I was young, maybe 4th grade, I was at a sleep over with a group of friends at my friend B's house. We were messaging another girl from our class, A and I said it would be funny if we told A that we had heard that B had been in a car accident and would never walk again."

"We played up the story, said B was currently in the hospital, doctors said the prognosis was bad, she might die...A was freaking out, B thought it was funny, I kept adding more graphic detail, thought it was hilarious."

"Until A called B's mom, who marched up stairs and told us off for being little sh**s. Which we were! I still feel horrible about it, little girls can cruel little idiots."

-- Anooshka1308

A Spectacular Failure

"I was 18 and still didn't have my license. I honestly didn't even know how to drive yet regardless. That didn't stop me from sneaking my girlfriend out of her house to get wasted at a motel party."

"When she needed to get home, I borrowed my friend's car to make the 4 mile round trip to her house. The whole time, I drove with the parking brake on and f***ed up her car. Then when I came back to the motel, I hit two parked cars HARD in the parking lot while several people saw as I tried to park."

"No one said shit to me though. It was in a seedy part of town so everyone just minded their own business. It's been 15 years and I still think about that. Don't drink and drive kids."

-- luisc123