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Professor Theorizes The Loch Ness Monster May Have Just Been *Checks Notes* A Whale Penis

Professor Theorizes The Loch Ness Monster May Have Just Been *Checks Notes* A Whale Penis
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Erica Diaz
By Erica DiazApr 15, 2022
Erica Diaz
Have you ever read something where you just KNOW the writer talks with their hands, does the sound effects, and would bust out a little dance if it suited the story? That's Erica. She's a colorful storyteller whose sense of humor and fearless honesty make a big impact. Her rants might go for the emotional jugular, hit your funny bone, or shock you and your mama out of your fajas. Usually it's all three. Often chronicling her life in Florida, her stories are full of characters like "Bikini Rifle Lady", "Mariachi Neighbor," and "Barbara The NextDoor Evangelist." There's almost always a message in the madness, and that's what people connect with most. Also her deep and undying love for Tevin Campbell. You can find more of her work at www.EricaFazio.com
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Solving the mystery of the Loch Ness Monster wasn't on our 2022 Surreal Life bingo cards - but a professor on Twitter has shared his theory, and it makes as much sense as anything else this year, so Twitter is kind of just going with it.

Michael Sweet is a researcher, lecturer, and professor of molecular ecology at the University of Derby, in England. His take on the Loch Ness Monster is a little different from what others have theorized.

People have theorized that Nessie is a plesiosaur, a giant Eel, a massive catfish, an elephant, and nothing at all. Professor Sweet? He thinks Nessie is a whale boner.

And he's not afraid to tell Twitter all about it.

With pics!


Twitter … would rather he didn't.






But also is oddly fascinated.



In an interesting academic turn, someone pretty relevant spoke up to disagree with Prof. Sweet - whose theory is widely informed by an academic paper. One of the authors of the paper itself!

According to this author, the whale-wang theory just doesn't hold up in this case.

The mystery may never truly be solved, we all know that. But the Loch Ness Monster just being a whale peen (and the idea that all the Nessie merch is just a giant erection sticking out of the water) feels perfectly on brand, doesn't it? Especially now that intellectuals are arguing about it.

Those of you with Nessie swag, how are you feeling knowing you're possibly sporting the free-est of willies when you wear it?

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