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Conservative Commentators Roasted After Speculating That Suburban Moms Are Hot For Pence

Conservative Commentators Roasted After Speculating That Suburban Moms Are Hot For Pence
Paul Hennessy/NurPhoto via Getty Images

Right-wing media personalities have shown us time and again they'll stop at nothing to boost their candidates, no matter how poorly they may be doing in the polls. But it seems pretty clear nobody ever thought they'd go thisfar.

In the aftermath of last week's vice presidential debate, two conservative commentators actually said they think Mike Pence could help clinch the "suburban mom" vote for Trump because they're all hot and bothered in their suburban mom pants for the Vice President. Yes, you read that right.

This stroke of unhinged nonsense came to us first via radio commentator Jesse Kelly.

This tweet was bad enough—and more weird sexualization of Mike Pence than anyone needed.

But because this is 2020 and it is impossible for anything terrible to not immediately get exponentially worse, Kurt Schlichter, a columnist at columnist Kurt Schlicter, had to come along and quote-tweet Kelly and add some much unneeded, totally unnecessary extra clarity.

Juuust in case you didn't know what Kelly was getting at in his tweet, allow Schlichter to just completely ruin your life.

Please report this tweet, because it is an act of terrorism.

Kelly's euphemistic tweet was bad enough, but "lay pipe" just takes this to a whole new place, specifically a frat house in 1987. No one wants this and nobody asked for it.

Republicans are desperate to win the vote of suburban white women, because they were key to Trump's victory in 2016 and their support for him in 2020 has been steadily eroding.

But there's absolutely nothing to indicate that suburban white women are pining for the Vice President to "lay pipe" in their presence, and sexuality is not exactly the guy's strong suit--this is a man who calls his wife "mother," after all.

As for the "chatter" indicating that white suburban women are dying for a hit off the ol' Pence Pipe, neither Kelly nor Schlichter provided any further context or sourcing about this supposed "chatter" (probably because it doesn't exist). So the whole thing's a bit of a mystery.

What's definitely not a mystery, though, is that the very idea of this Pence-lust made internet folks either barf, roll their eyes, or both, and the drags came in quick and hot.

For his part, Schlichter was undeterred by the response--he simply doubled right down.

This election simply cannot end soon enough.