The dictionary defines a homewrecker as "a person blamed for the break-up of a marriage or long-term relationship, especially as a result of having an affair with one of the partners."
That's serious business, sure.
But relationships are complicated and everyone has their reasons, regrets and even justifications, as we learned one Redditor asked the online community:
“Homewreckers" of reddit, what's your story? Did you regret it?"
"He asked me out..."
"He asked me out before he started dating her, and I said no, for a bunch of reasons that had nothing to do with my feelings for him. They were together for almost 2 years, and during that time, we kept in touch. It was innocent enough, talking over Facebook once in a while, joking around, and I would tell him funny stories about bad dates I was going on. One night we were both drunk texting, and things got super super flirty. I realized that we were no longer talking as just friends."
"The next day, I messaged him, and told him this wasn't fair to his girlfriend, and that we had to stop talking online. We stopped. Six months later, he shoots me a message, saying that him and his girlfriend had broken up, and asked me to hang out to catch up. I hadn't been sure if it was a date or not, until he smooched me. We were inseparable from that day on."
"Unfortunately, he had failed to tell me that he had literally broken up with his girlfriend THE DAY BEFORE he called me. And I got a reputation for breaking them up, which I kind of did, even though he never technically cheated. We're still together 10 years later, though, and sadly she still resents me for "stealing" him, and I know that she (and her friends) still think he cheated on her with me. I don't blame her though, I'd have been heartbroken if I was her, and I still feel bad for how it played out.
"I didn't know..."
"I didn't know he was married until she contacted me. I got lucky as hell. She found out what he was up to, she knew I didn't know, and simply asked me to meet with her to confront him and understood I was blindsided and understandably hurt and guilty all in one. So we met him together at a coffee shop. It was awkward as all get out. I cut him out of my life and after she and I had a talk we also broke contact. I still feel bad."
"Definitely regret it..."
"Definitely regret it, but mostly because I wasn't behaving well for myself or by my own standards. So I started dating this guy I worked with, and ended up moving in with him. I'd just graduated college and really wanted out of my parents' house. It was hard for me to adjust to living back at home, I couldn't find a decent job for months (still didn't I was working at a restaurant). Anyway, I lived with this guy for a few months, and he goes back home to Visit his family."
"Except he didn't. He went home to get MARRIED. And then he came back, and we went right back to living together. I heard rumors sure, and when I confronted him about it he gave me all sorts of excuses until he finally confirmed it. And then it was more excuses to keep me around—it was arranged, he didn't love her, blah blah blah."
"But eventually, she tells him she wants to come live with him. So she does. I'm kicked to the curb. Bounced around for a bit. She hates it here, wants to go back home."
"So me, being the dumbass that I am, get asked to move back in. Now, at this point, when I look back at it, I try to be a little kinder to myself. I did, and ended up in a really low part of my life. He strung me along, saying he wanted to be with me, and told me he would break it off. He didn't. He exhibited a lot of abusive/controlling behavior during this time. Mostly emotional abuse, and once got physical. Then, after almost 3 years of living together, he straight up ghosted me. Left the country. When he was supposed to return, he just didn't. I also was a bit of an alcoholic at that time (1.5 years sober now!), and didn't handle it well. Drinking, hating life, stuck in a shitty apartment in a shitty city not really knowing what to do."
"I went back to therapy, talked it out, and started working on the self-esteem problems/undoing a lot of the abusive behavior he was displaying. I didn't do a great job. I went back to hooking up with another shitty ex. Started talking more to an old hookup from school."
"That old hookup from school came to visit me, we reconnected, and I moved four hours away from that fucked up situation to move in with him. I'm very lucky that I ended up with someone who was not only honest, hardworking, sweet and respectful, but willing to love me through all that fuckedupness lol. We got married two months ago!"
"So I remind him..."
"Was sittin' at work on my lunch break one day, get a message from friend's husband. He's drunk and high and wants me to come over to mess around. (This was the second time ever speaking to the man, mind you)"
"So I remind him that I'm his wife's friend, have never met him face-to-face, and give him the chance to tell his wife what just happened. Then I had to make a choice. Do I tell her or not? Cause some people dont wanna know. Or they blame you instead of blaming their S/O."
"Send her a message and tell her that I have something to tell her about her husband, but I need to know if she wants to know or not. She says "Send me everything"
"That night after work, she confronts him. He deleted the conversation but I had sent her screenshots. They got divorced over it (and other things too, she told me) and they have dual custody of their 8 year old son."
"As for whether it was worth it or not...I feel like she and I are closer friends now but I can't really say. No one seemed to come out on top with this one."
"Thinking back..."
"I got called one by the pissed off wife of the guy I dated for a few months. The problem was that was the first time I had a clue he was married, and if I'd known before then I would have broken it off immediately."
"Thinking back, I should have found it weird that he never invited me over to his place, but eh."
"But yeah, he was the homewrecker. He had a home and decided to mess it up by dating me."
"If anything good came of it..."
"Huge regret. If anything good came of it, it was that I learned not to be so judgmental. I married at 19, and divorced at 23, my ex was the one cheating. I used to say any woman who would do that is a slut. After the divorce, I was a bit lost and a little wild. I hesitantly began a relationship with a guy I considered a friend and trusted. He told me he would leave his wife for me, and I believed him. I knew her, and while I liked her, she did cheat on him multiple times, so it wasn't hard for me to believe he was leaving."
"Pretty soon, I tired of the sneaking around, and began to pressure him. Turns out I wasn't supposed to really believe he'd leave her. That was the end of that short-lived stupid mistake of mine. Later, he spilled the beans to a friend of his, who told someone else, and the wife found out. Started driving by and wanting to fight me, screaming names as she drove by the house."
"I told her I didn't want to fight her and that I regretted what happened. Said she could kick my ass if she wanted to, but I wasn't going to defend myself, I was already kicking myself for being so stupid. That was pretty much the end of it, it was many years ago now, and it still makes me feel bad. Probably my top regret ever, and definitely out of character for me."
"I quickly..."
"Yes. I did not know he was married. 30 years married... he was military, I worked on base as a civilian. I moved in with him and everything. Turned out his wife lived in another state and never visited. There was nothing that made me think he was married. No hushed phone calls or anything. After we broke up he told her about me hoping it would make me take him back. She divorced him. And against my better judgment 6 months later we got back together. It was the worst year of my life. I quickly moved out and moved on."
"From what I know..."
"I was labelled the "homewrecker" even though nothing actually happened between me and this girl. We had a bit of "flirty banter" at work over the course of a few weeks during the summer. I kept coming in in the mornings to post-it notes left on my desk with flirty messages, and I would return the favour of course"
"I was unaware that she was engaged and had a child, and we carried this flirty banter on until one day she came over mine and we sat down and watched a movie together (literally nothing happened, and her SO clocked onto her not being home at her usual time and started spamming her with calls). I walked her down to her car, and managed to lock myself out of my house (that's another story which I have told in this subreddit -"https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/e5xmhh/what_is_your_locked_yourself_out_story/f9n6ftv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x).
"Go into work the next day and everything is normal, walk out of work and there he is, the girl's SO, standing at the back of his van searching for tools. She messages me and tells me not to leave the building, to which I oblige. After this we split things off and don't talk anymore."
"From what I know they are still together and she has another child on the way."
"I know she wasn't a bad person..."
"I don't know if this counts because they were separated for two years and in the midst of a divorce but she definitely called me a homewrecker when I started dating him and they had already been separated for a year and a half but their divorce hadn't been finalized. She called me sobbing and screaming profanities at me. Told me they were a family (no kids, but I get it.) I felt bad at the time, I told him that I didn't want to date a technically married man and that broke up with him. He still went through with the divorce and found me after, months later. We started dating again and now we're happily married."
"I know we're both good people. I know she wasn't a bad person. Just two people in a bad relationship (there were lots of threats of self harm) and someone who shouldn't have gotten in the middle before it was fully resolved. I wish her happiness but I don't feel guilty for finding mine. I've been cheated on by my ex and the woman knew full well we were together (not separated) and even then, I don't blame her. It was his choice and our relationship was dying. Probably just too hard for him to end it. I wish them both happiness."
These were interesting stories! Do you have similar experiences? Let us know in the comments below.
Jane Rosenberg
Jane Rosenberg
@arianagrande/Instagram
@arianagrande/Instagram