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Man Sends New Girlfriend Upsetting List Of ‘Rules’ For When She Goes On Vacation

Man Sends New Girlfriend Upsetting List Of ‘Rules’ For When She Goes On Vacation
Mike Walsh
By Mike WalshSep 16, 2017
Mike Walsh
Mike is a writer, dancer, actor, and singer who recently graduated with his MFA from Columbia University. Mike's daily ambitions are to meet new dogs and make new puns on a daily basis. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram @mikerowavables.
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In a perfect illustration of why ‘met when we were teens’ is the skinniest slice in the ol’ Stable Long Term Relationship Pie Chart, a 20-year-old person sent another person a list of rules before going on holiday. It’s bananas. Behold.

Yeesh. A human being sent that to another human being. Not only are these things empirically creepy, but some are impossible. Like number five, “No Eye Contact With Boys” – unless we’re getting into Handmaid’s Tale territory, it’s basically impossible. I’ll demonstrate.

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CREDIT: giphy

See? You lose.

I’m not sure if any of us were super collected when we were young and inexperienced with dating, but I’m also sure that not all of us required a drug test upon our dearest love’s return. “Hi sweetie, how was your week, here’s the pee you’ve mandated that I give you to preserve our tenuous relationship.”

Trust, boys and girls. Trust is the lifeblood of a healthy, balanced relationship. Lack of trust can also imply a lack of trustworthiness, hilariously underscored when the dude issuing the rules decided to cheat on the person to whom he gave the rules in the first dang place.

The fella in question, Josh, did what any reasonable person would do when gently shown the ocean of nuttiness he’d compiled into his numbered list – said it was sorta half-meant as a joke, but, you know, she said she’d do it, so it didn’t seem like a big deal or whatever.

Geh.

Young folks embarking on their fledgling dating careers – this kind of thing is absolutely not normal and not cool. Dating somebody doesn’t mean you’re their property and you don’t need a drug test to soothe another person’s insecurity. And vice versa – don’t be a possessive creep. You don’t want to end up the subject of an article like this. These internet articles last forever, you know.

H/T: Indy 100, Unilad

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