Divorced People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From The Process

There is so much to learn through divorce.

There should be more fine print in the marriage part.

People have no idea what they're signing up for sometimes.

Saying "I DO" means more than taking on love.

You take on debt and taxes... and God knows what else.

Do your research.

Don't learn who your partner really is when it's over.

Redditor BondEmilyBond wanted to hear about the lessons of divorce, so they asked:

"What's the most surprising thing you learned from getting divorced?"

BYE FELICIA!

"I expected to be heartbroken but mostly just felt relieved."

- oddwithoutend

Relief Im So Relieved GIFGiphy

Who are you?

"The person you married is not the same person you divorced."

- Royal_Arachnid_2295

"Very true! One thing I learned about getting divorced fairly young (33) was that we only have one life, you have to make sure you’re happy. Marriage was not the partnership I expected, especially after having kids. I was doing the majority of the household work while also doing the majority of the childcare and working full-time. I suddenly realized this couldn’t be the rest of my life. And things are sooo much better now."

"Also, depending on the reason for divorce, you can be friends with your ex. We have been divorced for almost nine years, and he’s better because of it. He got help, became a better dad, and is more involved. We are going on a trip to Florida soon with my husband, kids, my ex, and his sister and her husband. Families don’t have to be perfect, but it helps to try to get along for your kids."

- klopije

Changes

- ughfinethisusername

"One of the reasons I love my husband so much is how he took accountability for what he lacked in his first marriage. Knowing what he did wrong and knowing how he shows up every day for me and through his actions prove his growth. I respect him for being willing and able to change, and he provides an example for me when I feel like what he asks of me is too hard."

- larapu2000

Never Gone

"Not from my experience, but having children with your ex means you're not really rid of them, ever. They will always be around unless the children choose to remove them from their lives at some point. That includes the extended family, too, so it's a package deal at every event. It's not like they magically go away after the kids turn 18, though you do get to deal with them a little less."

- magicrowantree

Party of 1

"I felt even more lonely when I was married."

- bunbunzinlove

"In the military, I’ve met SO many people who marry just because they think it’s the logical next step after enlisting. Some of them purposely stay after work because they don’t want to go home. It’s astounding how many people stay when their spouses change, they change, or just in it for the kids. I’m happy you made it out, my dude."

- One_pop_each

TRUTH!!

"Lawyers are expensive."

- CatchABeatRunnin

Oh Come On Jim Carrey GIFGiphy

Simple Moments

"How content I could be on my own. Never having to compromise throughout the mundane moments because you are living alone is very freeing."

- Independent_sunshine

"My younger sister and her husband are currently separated, but get along, social network is still shared, and he still is part of our family. She told me what a huge change living alone is. As she went from our parents to being married, she's never been solo. She's enjoying, mostly, that aspect, but it was funny to hear her talk about what it is like living by yourself."

"Because I'm the never-married older brother who lives alone, lol."

- Squigglepig52

Death

"You can almost die from grief and disappointment."

- heartofgold48

After 8 Years

"It was a really easy divorce, we didn't want anything from each other. The only real thing that got written down was that the cat would go to her once she had a proper place to stay. And not even that expensive. But still; court, mediation (most to ease the process with the court), and some back pay for stuff like shared insurance and taxes. It all added up to a couple of thousand euros. And the stuff that gets automatically shared once married, like pensions, take some work to unshare."

"To be fair. That we lived together for over a year after our divorce because of COVID did complicate some paperwork. What took us not more than 10 minutes (after 8 years together) in the courthouse took a couple of months to undo. And everything is somewhat expensive compared to getting married for free."

- K_R_O_O_N

Little Things

"Freedom after being controlled is amazing. Even in the little things."

- Beerwithjimmbo

"Sometimes you don’t realize the extent to which you’re being controlled until you step away from the situation. When I left my first husband, I bought a couple of new comfort clothing items. We were still speaking at the time and he was trying to convince me to come back. He was a VERY smooth talker and I started considering reconciliation."

"I started thinking about what going back would look like and thought 'I don’t want to give up my tank tops.' While I was at work a few months earlier he decided to burn all my clothing that he deemed 'inappropriate for a married woman.' I was left with pants, ankle-length skirts, and tops with a high neckline that covered my shoulders."

"That tank top made me realize how bad my situation had gotten. I immediately picked up the phone and scheduled an appointment with a divorce attorney."

- -comfypants

NASTY

"That the person I thought was the love of my life and soulmate could be so unbelievably cruel."

- RickLeeTaker

"This right here. And to go from saying his child is the most important thing in the world to him, to now when he hasn't visited him in three months now. I have to hold my child while he cries and reassures him that daddy still loves him when I deep down think I'm lying to him."

- winnierae

$

"How quickly I recovered financially without my ex’s complete dependence on me instead of helping to support the family."

- treecatks

Make It Rain Money GIF by yvngswagGiphy

All the Best

"I always thought my older girls would one day resent me for getting divorced from their dad. 20 years plus later they told me it was one of the best things I ever did for myself and for them."

- sanantoniogirl71

"My dad faced this as well. It really comes down to - did you make this mess out to also be their mess, or did you support them and let them ask questions? Even if your kids are adults, always put their needs first during a divorce."

"My mom did nothing but try to tell us how evil our dad was and how he'll never be there for us if things go wrong in life. She didn't comfort us. She didn't ask us how we were feeling. She pointed fingers and put us in the middle of their mess."

"My dad supported us, put us first, never spoke ill of our mom, and at the end asked us how we were doing mentally and if we wanted to talk to a therapist about it. Guess which parent we visit, hang out with, vacation with, call on the phone, and guess which one we refuse to visit or call?"

- Hookedongutes

Family

"Although the situation sucks there are many positives that I wouldn’t trade and I’m thankful for. One of those is the realization of how loved and valued I am by my friends and family. I have been more loved and supported over the last year than during my marriage but I am so thankful for each of my friends and family."

- Brownpantsjnr

He's 6'2"

"Not me, but my dad and I once had a conversation about it. Basically, he was pissed that he lived with 4 women and the top of the fridge was always dirty. ( He's 6'2" and the only one who could see it) he said once he was on his own he realized he should have just cleaned it himself."

- katrose73

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Divorce will always bring out the worst and, sometimes, the most truthful parts of people.

It sucks when love ends.

But... love ends.

Some reasons you don't want to know.

Some reasons are best not to know.

Do you have anything to share? Let us know in the comments below.