When a relationship ends poorly, full of conflict and betrayal, chances are very slim that both people will race to support each other in the future. There's just too much there.
And yet it is much easier to ask for support than give it.
That dynamic was on full display in a recent post to the "Am I the A**hole (AITA)" subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP), known as HayBoon on the site, shared the ins and outs of a recent post-breakup confrontation.
Her title for the post shed light on the key elements of the conflict.
"AITA for not giving my ex the stuff we bought for our stillborn daughter after he lost his job"
With deadpan delivery, OP recounted the relationship's final days.
"My [26-year-old female] ex [27-year-old male] cheated on me two days after our daughter was stillborn.
"He wasn't going to tell me until the woman got pregnant. I found out three months to the day that my daughter died. Then I kicked him out."
Then she brought readers to the present day.
"He and the woman are now together and their son was born a few weeks ago."
"He asked me for the stuff we bought for our daughter. He said he lost his job and she's not earning much and they don't have enough for him."
That was not at all in line with OP's expectations.
"I told him to leave me alone and forget I ever existed like I was trying to do with him."
"He told me I was being spiteful and needed to think of his son, who is innocent in all this."
But he attempted to gain some leverage.
"He then started telling some people who knew us both."
"Most told him he was out of line to even ask but a few of the friends we had suggested that I should put aside my hurt and anger and think of the boy who is my daughters brother and that I need to be the bigger person."
"AITA?"
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked to provide feedback by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
The consensus of Redditors in the comment section was clear.
OP was not at all the a**hole. In fact, they were absolutely outraged on her behalf.
"NTA OP!!! F'k that a**hole, he is selfish and manipulative, you owe him and his child nothing. NADA. Do not pass go, do not collect $100."
"That all being said, I'm so sorry you are going through all of this OP, you do not deserve this." -- stupid_ocean_b**ch
"NTA NTA NTA. I am speechless with rage at the audacity of your ex. Luckily I can still type. What an evil evil man."
"How dare he reach out to you ever, let alone like that. You are not responsible for him or his child in any way. Please don't let anyone else make you feel guilty."
"Love and good wishes to you, I'm so sorry for your loss." -- enterpursuingabear
"NTA. YOUR DAUGHTERS BROTHER??? Oh please f*** off with that, whoever said that should stop doing their own brain surgeries." -- OrangeStrawberryJ
"Jesus christ, NTA. take care of yourself. The responsibilities arising from him dunking his sausage in other people's mustard are not yours to carry."
"terrible people out there" -- Mesapholis
Many highlighted just how little she should care about his life anymore.
"No, absolutely not. He can go to a secondhand store and get the things he needs. He can ask friends." -- AnnaE390
"NTA block his number, he is no longer in your life. How he provides for his son is his problem not yours." -- eyespy_01
"NTA. His financial problems are not your responsibility to fix. If he's desperate for baby stuff then there are charities and local religious organizations that he can reach out to, or he can reach out to friends and family for help."
"You are none of those things to him. He should not be bothering the woman he betrayed in one of the most heinous ways. Some encouraged OP to find a much more deserving recipient of the clothes." -- DiligentPenguin16
Some suggested worthier recipients for the clothing.
"NTA. Tell him he can go pick up the baby stuff and anything/everything else he left at your place. He can pick it up at Goodwill, where you have donated it."
"Then block his phone number and any social platforms, too. He is not your problem anymore. Sorry for your loss." -- Servantofbosco
"When you are ready (and again you are NOT right now) may I suggest possibly donating it to a women's shelter? They could always use items."
"That way it goes to people who need the help, you can say you donated it and your ex gets nothing."
"Also the nerve. NTA" -- neutralgood079
"NTA. Their situation is entirely not your problem, his son included - he may be innocent, but his parents sure aren't and they're involved more than he is."
"Donate it all to a charity in your daughter's name/memory; do some good with it, prospective for a little peace/healing for yourself, and you can't give him what you don't have anymore." -- kittyodoom
Evidently, OP's first instincts were aligned with the gut reactions of nearly all the Redditors who weighed in. Looks like her stance remains clear.
@LeeMerrittesq/X
@bob_moss/X
@jelanijones/Bluesky
@Aurkayne/X
@sadcommunistdog; @froglok/Bluesky