Here's the thing: cats get a lot of flack for being unfeeling and also maybe possibly low-key plotting murders, but the actual truth is that they're geniuses.
A cat's life is basically napping, inviting and then violently rejecting human attention because we're annoying AF, and then fake-crying until we give them food. That's a LIFE.
Anyone saying they wouldn't trade this whole sitting in a cubicle till we die at 90 of a disease of affluence nonsense we humans call "living" for the scam these cats are out here running is a straight-up liar.
Cats have it figured out, which is why the latest cat to shoot to viral fame, aptly named King James by his owner, writer Ashly Peres, has resonated so deeply.
Try to make a list of times in your own life this cat's method of dealing with adversity would have been the perfect solution.
You can't make that list, can you? Because the number of items from just 2018 alone is infinite, isn't it?
Hell, this was a year in which the Oxford Dictionary's word of the year was "toxic" for God's sake.
I get it. You get it. And this cat definitely gets it.
"I do not want this, so I hide in trash-hole and stare into void goodbye."
Have you ever related to anything more? Stop lying, no you haven't.
The only difference between this and aimlessly scrolling past Instagram influencers on your phone for hours is staring into the garbagevoid doesn't give you FOMO and body dysmorphia. This cat has cracked the code on self-care, and personally, I feel this on a spiritual level.
This cat is my religion. Entomb me with statues of his likeness, like the ancient Egyptians.
Unsurprisingly, I'm not the only one who felt this cat in their very souls.
Thank you, King James.
Blessed be the cats, for they will show us the future...or at least some very good methods for avoiding its reality.
@jaketapoer/Bluesky
@BillAckman/Twitter