With the pandemic, most students' college experience changed drastically. Not everyone adapted well to the new learning environment.
Colleges saw an increase in students dropping out. But did every student that dropped out share that information with the people in their lives?
For one Redditor who dealt with a less than forthcoming significant other, the fallout lead them to consult the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor kindnessqueer37 asked:
"AITA for kicking out my boyfriend when he lied about going to online college?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"The consensus so far, according to all of my friends and family, is that I'm the a**hole, but I feel like they're all biased towards my boyfriend and not listening to my side of the story."
"Alex and I have been dating since high school. We've been together eight years."
"Last year he decided to start college for degree in graphic design, and his parents are paying for his tuition. He was living in a college dorm first semester, then the pandemic started, he was removed from campus housing, and we decided to move in together."
"He was supposed to be doing college online via zoom or Google or whatever."
"I work a full time job and a part time job and I pay for all of the bills. Alex contributes $200 towards the $900 rent, which he gets from his parents."
"I've been supporting him without any complaints because I know when he's graduated he'll be able to support both of us on a nicer salary than what I make as a grocery clerk and delivering pizza."
"Last week Alex confessed to me that he finished second semester of freshman year online and then decided to drop out because he didn't like the online classes. Up until now, I was under the impression that he was still in class because he spent most of his time on his laptop."
"I asked if he was looking for a job and he said no. He said his job is keeping the house clean and cooking dinner but I feel like that's minimal effort."
"We live in a tiny apartment, we do not have pets, we do not have kids; vacuuming once a week and making a meal for two people is not a real job."
"I took his keys and told him to leave. My name is on the apartment lease and I pay the rent."
"I think we were both thinking it'd just be for a night or two but it's been a week now and he's only come back once, to get some of his stuff he forgot. I haven't packed anything up yet and I'm not sure if I want him gone for good or not."
"I really don't think this is worth breaking up over and I love living together with him, but I don't wanna support an able-bodied adult man if he's not at least trying to do something to better himself."
"He's staying at his mom's house now and she's pissed at me. My own parents think I'm being ridiculous and overreacting."
"Our friends have all taken his side and one of them even called me abusive for kicking him out. Alex hasn't said one way or the other whether he wants to come back, we actually haven't spoken/messaged much at all since I kicked him out."
Redditors were asked to weigh in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
"Definitely NTA. He lied to you about something that directly relates to your future together, and kept it from you so that he could skate by while you do everything for him."
"I'd be pissed, just as you rightfully are."
"Parents can be pissed all they want, but it's not their relationship. It's yours."
"Think about what your future together would look like with this kind of behavior. If he slacks off this much, what will he do in the future, especially if something were to happen to you, such that he'd have to bear everything on his own?"
"You're doing the right thing." ~ InsidiousToilet
"No duh they're pissed. They went from only having to spend $200 to support their son to fully supporting if [OP] doesn't let him back."
"A heck of a lot cheaper than the dorm + tuition they were paying for and probably less than the money he adds to the bills being home. Groceries for an early 20s dude ain't cheap!" ~ trilliumsummer
"Yeah, I got the strong impression that his mom is angry because she doesn't want him boomeranging back to her to be her problem again." ~ Terpsichorean_Wombat
"She'll never find a childminder that cheap again! And boyfriend is probably happy to be at moms place, now he doesn't have to pretend to do chores." ~ Papilion
"Oh and let us not overlook the fact they were almost certainly in on it. They were paying his tuition so they knew he was sat on his arse while [OP] worked two jobs to keep them in a home." ~ ACatGod
"Yeah, otherwise they'd be pissed as hell too that he pocketed their tuition money." ~ AllegraO
"Ding ding ding! Oh yes. They were absolutely thrilled with the arrangement of $200 a month babysitting money all inclusive." ~ ACatGod
"It sounds to me like the rest of them don't want to take care of him either. NTA OP." ~ wholesomemomhugs
"NTA because he's seemingly not asking to stay. It really looks like he has intentionally sabotaged both his education and your relationship."
"From all appearances, he looks perfectly happy to go home with mom and not come back to your apartment, I'm sorry to say." ~ Stuck_suck
"I think this is exactly it based on how he's handling the situation, which is really sad. He self-sabotaged on purpose."
"After 8 years, OP deserved better from him. His mom isn't going to let him stay and bum around forever either, so it will be for nothing." ~ XMousexx
"I can understand dropping out when your course doesn't meet your expectations (particularly at the moment) and I can even understand not telling people about it, for fear of shame and judgement. I can see that job searching right now must be pretty daunting."
"I know mental health issues can cause people to bury their heads in the sand and ignore problems until they come to a head."
"I cannot understand the attitude of 'I'm not looking for a job, you should continue to support me in return for a bare minimum of chore-sharing that I should be doing regardless of employment status, and I see no problem with that'. That's very selfish, lazy and entitled behaviour."
"He should have been begging for forgiveness and pleading for help getting back on track. It's okay to have periods where we rely on others."
"It's not okay to just take it for granted that support will be given and to act like it costs the supporter nothing. He was in the wrong here, no question."
"NTA - OP, you know your partner best. Does this behaviour fit a pattern or is it out of character?"
"How much 'value' are you getting from the relationship? Would he truly be willing to look after you in the same way, if the tables were turned?"
"Is this a minor blip he needs helping through or a symptom of his disregard for you? Take your time to think things through, don't let pressure from friends or family dictate your choices." ~ Pie_of_Piedonia
The OP didn't return with any updates. Their fellow Redditors didn't have high hopes for their relationship, but at least they didn't think OP was the a**hole.