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Peloton, a brand of in-home exercise bikes which is also capable of streaming cycling classes for you to follow, doesn't seem to have a grasp on reality or on its demographic.
The commercials for the bike show homes no millennial could afford, complete with floor-to-ceiling windows and gorgeous cityscape views, an enclosed glass home gym, and crazy-huge living rooms.
But seriously, who actually lives like this?
Peloton Bike TV Commercial | On To The Next www.youtube.com
All of the millennials we know are fighting stagnant wages and increased student loan payments.
Well, Twitter user @ClueHeywood has had enough of this lying.
He took to the internet to drag every $3 million dwelling that he saw.
And he saw plenty.
Love putting my Peloton bike in the most striking area of my ultra-modern $3 million house— Clue Heywood (@Clue Heywood) 1548639643.0
I had my carpenter build a $9,000 finished wood riser for my Peloton bike in my glass-enclosed zen garden/home gym https://t.co/VJSOjctYtO— Clue Heywood (@Clue Heywood) 1548640180.0
I put my Peloton bike in the center of the panoramic living room window in my New York penthouse https://t.co/ol0B3Kavif— Clue Heywood (@Clue Heywood) 1548640451.0
Reporting live from NYC: literally nobody can afford panoramic windows and penthouses; we are all living in 16 square feet of space like books on a shelf.
When we visited my parents for Christmas I had to put my Peloton bike right in the living room, they didn’t have a… https://t.co/8wX74PAlSc— Clue Heywood (@Clue Heywood) 1548640685.0
A good place for your Peloton bike is between your kitchen and your living room facing the cactus garden so you alw… https://t.co/NdaQDfGxcR— Clue Heywood (@Clue Heywood) 1548640943.0
A cactus garden? Really?
I took my Peloton bike to Europe and used it on the balcony of our $2,000/night Airbnb and honestly I felt like I w… https://t.co/qJ04imhxUz— Clue Heywood (@Clue Heywood) 1548641039.0
Just call us Peter Pan.
I have a Peloton at home, at work, and also one placed by the ocean-facing living room windows of our four bedroom… https://t.co/0Uk38pvlCy— Clue Heywood (@Clue Heywood) 1548642142.0
Probably the worst thing about putting a Peloton bike in my spotless huge kitchen is when my dumb kid interrupts th… https://t.co/DLfLjVKulC— Clue Heywood (@Clue Heywood) 1548645474.0
My bright and airy sunroom is a great place for the Peloton bike. I leave the arcadia door ajar so I feel like I’m… https://t.co/qAFWIxisw9— Clue Heywood (@Clue Heywood) 1548646806.0
Maybe if we spent less money on avocado toast, we could afford houses like this.
My Peloton is in the living room because it’s my favorite work of art aside from the turquoise marble peacock I kee… https://t.co/29RCgqBMvk— Clue Heywood (@Clue Heywood) 1548647160.0
The picture windows at our chalet provide breathtaking views from the Peloton bike. In the living room set behind i… https://t.co/lnk9fJoJPV— Clue Heywood (@Clue Heywood) 1548647819.0
Peacocks, Chalets, Pelotons, oh my!
Sometimes I let the nanny ride my Peloton. But the solarium is my space, so she only can ride in the garage and onl… https://t.co/h068L5qLsa— Clue Heywood (@Clue Heywood) 1548648658.0
Last year we painstakingly remodeled a midcentury modern house in the hills, including furniture from the period. T… https://t.co/ijEKQNb6fi— Clue Heywood (@Clue Heywood) 1548687844.0
In the mornings, after my housekeeper meticulously makes my bed, I like to ride my Peloton bike in the window of my… https://t.co/K3tignrA3R— Clue Heywood (@Clue Heywood) 1548692993.0
Man, how many more rich places can you possibly get in these things?
The only thing missing is a yacht.
You might ask why the windows in front of these Pelotons are so small. Unfortunately space on the yacht is limited… https://t.co/73Dgt0uwGq— Clue Heywood (@Clue Heywood) 1548693760.0
...Never mind.
Some people tell me that I should put my living room here because of the amazing view. I have to question their pri… https://t.co/bN9zWD7MM6— Clue Heywood (@Clue Heywood) 1548696163.0
My husband says it’s a fire hazard to have the Peloton bike blocking the doors from the living room to the veranda.… https://t.co/Ygub14rIim— Clue Heywood (@Clue Heywood) 1548698826.0
I put the Peloton bike in the kitchen of our loft so I can get a workout and also cook the vegan three-bean tortill… https://t.co/pjmzaf4YBr— Clue Heywood (@Clue Heywood) 1548700195.0
The narrative here is that the Peloton only deserves the best and should come before one's own health, livelihood, and even before one's own children.
So when the Peloton does not follow that narrative, what happens?
This is absolutely unacceptable Peloton placement. This appears to be a basement and not a solarium, conservatory,… https://t.co/oBSHgenlwi— Clue Heywood (@Clue Heywood) 1548692389.0
@ClueHeywood Ours is in the basement between the liquor cabinet and sofa table. Not quite as sexy as those other ph… https://t.co/tFFLBJkQio— Mark Walls (@Mark Walls) 1548699936.0
@wcmarkwalls unacceptable— Clue Heywood (@Clue Heywood) 1548700542.0
@wcmarkwalls @ClueHeywood What the hell. This is disrespectful to the Peloton culture. Did the instruction manual t… https://t.co/ICSfe0rg3T— Geronimo 🌹 (@Geronimo 🌹) 1548712409.0
Where do you keep your Peloton?
And it had BETTER be somewhere expensive.