Life can be pretty overwhelming for stressed individuals, compounded by the added anxiety from troubled relationships or lack of confidence in their abilities.
Sometimes, a friend or family member as a soundboard can only improve matters so much. After all, their bias as an ally can prevent them from giving their unfiltered assessment of an ongoing dilemma out of a sense of protective duty.
Fortunately, seeking professional help is a solution, and the progress made in therapy sessions can benefit others in similar rough spots.
Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor Known-Dot-8314 asked:
"What‘s something that you‘ve learned in therapy, that you think everybody should know?"
The toughest lessons are the most gratifying.
Not All Ignorance Is Bliss
"How to say 'I’m sorry' and 'I forgive you.' I’m not talking about apologizing all the time but a genuine apology. I grew up in a house where there were arguments but never any apologies. There were just a few days of silence and then all went back to normal. No resolutions, just sweep it under the rug."
– Tayesmommy3
"This was as the same for me. I remember one time I got so fed up because everyone was also shouting and not listening. My mother and grandmother were going at it and m dad stood off to the side yapping, you couldn't realy understand each other and it's just a shouting match so I lost it completely and raised my voice for the first time and told everyone we are going to TALK to each other, we aren't going to yell cause we always do this crap and we don't get anywhere but mad at each other and then one f'ks off for 2 years till something awful happens!"
"That night I stood as a referee lol . If they started yelling and talking over each other I would jump in and if my dad started his annoying yapping from the side I would tell him to shut up...that night we all ended up around the table crying lol. Was amazing how I was even allowed to yell back at the adults lol."
– XepherWolf
It's Not Always About You
"Most ppl don't actually hate you, they're just focused on themselves."
– adorableemadison
"Yea same as people probably don't even remember that onetime you did that one thing you regret because they are to worried about their own sh*t. However as much as its a very valid point it doesn't change me continuing to hate myself for it lol."
– OliverCrooks
"Totally get that—it’s like your brain keeps replaying it on a loop, even though no one else cares or even remembers. "
– sherolynrenz
What The Captain Said
"It's actually a quote from Jean-Luc Picard, but it does help me to remember sometimes life isn't fair and we can't always fix things. Sometimes all you can do is accept the situation. It may not be right, it may not be fair. But in that moment, it is what it is and you cannot change the outcome."
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not weakness, that is life."
– Welshgirlie2
Sometimes, finding the source of what's bothering you can be confusing.
Misplaced Emotion
"Just because you're upset doesn't mean that the other person actually did anything wrong."
– AriasK
"I have witnessed a pretty severe case of this."
"My best friend had a girlfriend back when we went to university. They were together for about 18 months. Lots of petty drama, and they temporarily broke up about five times before he finally ended it once and for all. When he didn't change his mind and kept refusing to get back together, she started spreading nasty rumous about him, distorting details in the retelling, etc."
"This from a woman who cried in public about how life wasn't worth living without him, who ranted on Facebook about how unfair it was that he had to go back home over the weekend sometimes to care for his dying father when he should be spending time with her, etc."
"After about a year of this slow escalation he graduated, while she and I had a year left. My friend left the city for a month or two to sort things out back home around his father's death. But, he wasn't in town. And so she escalated her lies and started telling people that because of the 'stalking' and she had gotten a restraining order against him, and that's why he had left town."
"Obviously it was bogus, and neither of them had ever had reason to talk to the police. But the three of us had been part of the same student 'philosophy society', and I was in charge of arranging the annual Christmas Dinner a week before the Christmas break. So I talked to my friend and arranged for him to be there as a guest, just like all graduated former members were welcome back as guests, and I showed her a list of attendees where he wasn't included."
"So when she showed up on the night of the dinner and realized he was already inside the restaurant there were about 25 people who expected her to call the police about him violating a restraining order, only to find out that no actually this woman had been lying to them for months about the most vile things, and they had comforted her and been gentle and generous and helpful to her because she had been lying to them. She lost most of her friends overnight, and it's the best goddamn thing I did in my life."
"But. Her new boyfriend was one of very few people who were still 'on her side'. And he made the case that while yes, she had lied about everything (Boyfriend didn't think it was everything, he insisted it was only the restraining order, but refused to hear any evidence about other things she had lied about, shutting down all attempts to discuss it with 'You have to believe the "victim", no matter what'), she had only done so because she felt like my friend was so evil he was the kind of person who would do all that stuff, and so her feelings were more important than 'what he (and reality) remembered.'"
"This was in 2011, and the first time I was ever confronted with an actual real life human being who thought their feelings were more important than reality, to the point where it was ok to lie as long as you felt the target was a bad person. She was an extreme case, but it sure feels like you see a lot more people these days who insist on their feelings being the only thing that matters, with anyone trying to introduce facts into the conversation being an enemy."
"Sorry for the long post. tl;dr: It's ok to lie and make up fake restraining orders if your boyfriend breaks up with you, apparently."
– Rhamni
Recognition Is Power
"How to identify the common cognitive distortions. Even just naming them makes them easier to challenge in my experience."
– sunbearimon
"Yup. Knowing about all of my ADHD traits makes them a million times easier to manage. When I'm having a meltdown because of my lack of emotional regulation, I remind myself that's the reason and I calm down almost immediately."
"When I am stuck in paralysis mode, I remind myself it's my ADHD and that nothing bad is going to happen to me, and suddenly I'm capable of standing up and doing things."
– AriasK
Things aren't always as they seem.
Reality Vs. Perception
"My therapist once said, 'Your thoughts aren’t facts.' That hit me hard. Just because I think something doesn’t mean it’s true. Learning to challenge my negative self-talk has been life-changing."
– ComfortableFinger354
"When someone says something about you or has an opinion about you, it doesn’t automatically make it true. Even if that person loves you a lot."
"My dad would project his shortcomings onto me, and I believed I must be very bad like that, because he said so. But it wasn’t about me, he just put it on me."
"And I’d also like to add: just because someone doesn’t mean to hurt you, doesn’t make it okay that they did."
– Scullyxmulder1013
"I’ve always ignored someone’s negative opinions about me if I don’t agree with their opinion. Sometimes them saying those things makes me think they are an idiot or that they have their own problems to deal with but I don’t know if thats me being arrogant or me dealing with it in a healthy way."
– kitty60s
What's In Your Head
"The brain isn't designed to keep us happy. It's designed to keep us alive."
– SexyAstridx
"Interesting one. Most of the comments in this thread are things I expected or have heard recently but this is a framing of our mental state that I hadn't thought of, at least not recently."
– aridcool
Having someone view your life from a different perspective can help you unlock mental blockage preventing you from making progress.
Even if you don't have access to a therapist, opening up about your struggles by confiding in someone or even jotting your thoughts on paper are good first steps.
The point is, you're not alone even when your mind tricks you into feeling you are.
@NBCNews/X
@donny_rover1879/X
@RealCandaceO/X
@joekent16jan19/X
