Since practically the moment former Republican President Donald Trump descended that escalator to start his campaign in 2015, every move he's made seems to have been predicted by an old article from satirical news site The Onion.
And the revelation that the primary reason behind the FBI search of Trump's Mar-a-Lago home on Monday was to retrieve classified documents pertaining to nuclear weapons is, hilariously and terrifyingly, no exception.
Turns out, The Onion predicted this all the way back in 2017 in—we can't stress this enough—an article that was meant to be absurd parody... but has turned out to be frighteningly real.
The Onion article, posted shortly after Trump's inauguration, reads as if the staff there is indeed, as one tweeter described them, "wizards who deliver messages from the one true oracle."
\u201cMar-A-Lago Assistant Manager Wondering If Anyone Coming To Collect Nuclear Briefcase From Lost And Found https://t.co/plmzXhJjGH\u201d— The Onion (@The Onion) 1660312619
The Onion's headline posits that the nuclear codes somehow ended up in Mar-a-Lago's lost and found—a once-absurd notion that doesn't seem all that implausible after this week, if you think about it.
The headline reads:
"Mar-A-Lago Assistant Manager Wondering If Anyone Coming To Collect Nuclear Briefcase From Lost And Found"
The article features quotes from a fictional Assistant Manager named Chris Mahoney who was given the nuclear football after someone found it in a dining room.
The article reads:
“Someone noticed it in the dining room and dropped it off, and it’s just been sitting at the bottom of the bin ever since,” said Mahoney, adding that he had been asking people coming to collect their lost scarves and sunglasses if they might also have misplaced a briefcase attached to a pair of handcuffs."
The article goes on to report that the nuclear football was subsequently claimed by a rando who thought it was his briefcase—and is now in possession of the ability to obliterate the entire Earth.
"At press time, a man had mistakenly claimed the briefcase as his own before getting home to discover all the unfamiliar buttons inside."
On Twitter, people of course had a field day laughing about this.
\u201cThere is *always* an Onion headline \n https://t.co/iTewP8D4OX\u201d— David Folkenflik (@David Folkenflik) 1660278260
\u201clittle known fact: the onion is staffed by wizards who deliver messages from the one true oracle\u201d— Brosephine Wires (@Brosephine Wires) 1660284773
\u201cBREAKING: time traveler has side hustle as The Onion writer.\u201d— Aaron Dunn (@Aaron Dunn) 1660276032
\u201c@TheOnion Football season took on a whole new meaning!\u201d— The Onion (@The Onion) 1660312619
\u201c\ud83e\uddc5 imagine the weirdest, most wrong, most deplorable deed worthy of satire, and \ud83c\udf4a \ud83e\udd21 will have already done it.\u201d— Theresa Kereakes (@Theresa Kereakes) 1660278183
\u201c@JoParkerBear\u201d— Brosephine Wires (@Brosephine Wires) 1660284773
\u201cThe Onion originally posted this in 2017, they\u2019re not even satire lol\u201d— \ud83e\udd5e from North/Southbound \ud83c\uddf5\ud83c\uddf8 (@\ud83e\udd5e from North/Southbound \ud83c\uddf5\ud83c\uddf8) 1660319172
\u201cA friend of mine has pointed out there haven't been any classic comedy films in the past 20 years. I think in part because it's hard to outdo today's real world. \n\nNo longer possible to know what is real and what is satire. h/t @knutson_brain\u201d— David Dunning (@David Dunning) 1660319043
\u201cRest in peace, irony:\u201d— Brian Knutson (@Brian Knutson) 1660318690
\u201camazingly this article is from 2017\u201d— evan \u5f6d\u5fb7\u5a01 (@evan \u5f6d\u5fb7\u5a01) 1660315930
At this point we should all just sit down with The Onion's archives and back episodes of The Simpsons, which has also predicted all too many highlights from the Trump era, and study up so we're always ready for what's next.
@sama/X
