From growing watermelons in your belly if you swallow watermelon seeds, to having to go to bed early so Santa Claus can visit on Christmas Eve, there are a lot of little lies that parents actually tell their kids.
But while they might think they're all harmless lies, some of them have long-lasting, and very negative, effects.
Redditor MarshalEminem asked:
"What's a 'harmless' lie we tell kids that actually has long-term effects?"
Better Communication Skills
"If that boy is being mean to you, it must mean he likes you."
- post_it1
"It might be true, but it means the boy needs to learn a better way to express his feelings, not that the girl should be flattered by his abuse."
- the_real_dairy_queen
No Means No
"Boys are sometimes taught, 'If she says no, be persistent.'"
"No. Teach your children to take no for an answer. No is a complete sentence. No means no."
- IAmGoingToPlayThat
"Yeah, and in a similar theme, 'It takes a lot of courage for a boy to ask you to dance, so you should say yes.' That basically paves the way for girls to put their discomfort aside so that a boy doesn’t feel rejected."
- Rough-Rider
Emotional Regulation
"Not really a lie, but when parents tell you that you're being dramatic, or too emotional, etc. This made me bottle up all my emotions, and made me afraid to share any real feelings. I just blew up my marriage because of this and am finding out all of my issues through therapy."
- ThatGuyInASkirt91124
"I have something related to this. I was always told I was too emotional/too sensitive by a certain family member throughout my entire childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood. I was shamed for crying, being angry about things, basically any negative emotion."
"A couple of years back, I was talking to this relative (now in their 80s) and mentioned that my then-infant son met some of his family from my husband’s side and that he took to them well and was happy and giggling the whole time."
"I said, 'He’s happy and that makes me happy.'"
"The relative replied, 'Okay, calm down.' This relative’s undermining of my feelings had become so ingrained in them that they automatically dismissed my expression of joy."
"I’ll never forget it. It was the moment I closed my heart to them. Now they ask me why I don’t share things with them."
- exitosa
Boys Don't Cry
"My father-in-law was getting onto my TWO-YEAR-OLD for crying, and he said, 'You only cry when you’re hurt.'"
"And I said no, he can cry whenever he wants to. And he doubled down, insisting that you are ONLY allowed to cry if you’re hurt."
"But I stood my ground and argued back. My poor kid was so confused. He doesn’t even cry that much, as far as toddlers go."
- drinkwhatyouthink
Accurate Terminology
"Not teaching kids proper names for private parts. Teaching them young enables them to describe potential sexual abuse properly and clearly."
- rheetkd
"This. It winds me up when people are pandering to religious extremists who believe it's their right to prevent their children, especially daughters, should be excluded from sex education because it makes them, the parents, uncomfortable."
"The head-in-the-sand approach doesn't protect children from sexual abuse; it makes them likelier targets. Preventing children from learning about their bodies and about the realities of the world is abuse and should be named as such."
- Ok_Concentrate3969
The Truth About Spanking
"'Spanking hurts me more than it does you.'"
- Opening-Raccoon-2811
"If it hurts you so d**n much, you have the choice not to do it. Your child doesn't get a choice about whether to be on the receiving end."
- LeisurelyLoner
Stopping The Bullies
"'Stop. I don't like what you're doing,' is an effective method to stop bullying. Yeah, maybe on Disney."
- Big_Inspection_3151
"Yeah, ‘stop it, I don’t like that’ is a powerful tool for kids to quickly set boundaries with friends or peers. Like if they’re being tickled, being roughhoused, or some other form of ‘harmless’ play."
"It’s also good with adults. Loudly declaring a boundary like that will probably make them at least pause or draw attention if they are unsafe."
"Not likely to work with a similarly aged bully who is actively trying to do something they don’t like. They’d probably just be like ‘yeah, exactly that’s why I’m doing this.’"
- gardenofidunn
"Ha, 'just ignore them and they'll stop' is what I got. Yeah, because let's expect a f**king child to not react and also make them feel like it's their fault if they continue to get bullied. All that advice does is train someone to be a good abuse victim, and I wish I had thrown a f**king chair."
- Archavos
Do What You Love
"'Do what you love, and you'll never work a day in your life.'"
"No, doing anything for eight hours per day will leave you ground to a nub."
- hello--daddy
"The smart move is to aim for something you don't mind doing. Doing something you love often turns into burnout, as people will commonly overextend themselves. This can often result in the person hating the job in the long run. When you do a job you don't mind, but don't love, it's easier to hold fast to boundaries and work/life balance."
- KaliCalamity
"Absolutely this. People tell me I'm really good at baking and cake decorating, and I'm constantly asked why I don't start my own business doing it."
"This is the answer. I put far too much of my heart and soul into my creations to even consider doing it as my job. I'd be burned out within weeks."
- tiptoe_only
Toxic Work Culture
"If you take care of your employer, they will take care of you."
- N0V0CAIN
"Your employer isn’t a person. They are a company. And I wish this were taught in schools."
- mkomaha
"Nuh uh. My mom told me two important things about work."
"1. Your boss may not always be right, but he’s always the boss."
"2. Make sure they need you more than you need them."
"And I'll add: 3. 'Can I get that in writing?' is a magical phrase for dealing with stupid bosses."
- Jeramy_Jones
Healthy Relationship With Food
"Eat everything on your plate."
- Rinkratt61
"F**king this. Hi, binge eating disorder that I’m actively trying to fix."
- yizzyz
"THIS. Adult me with free will wants to keep the entire fridge empty."
- DielecticPikachu
"And this is why I get meager portions when I'm at a buffet or whatever. If I'm hungry afterwards, I'll go back for seconds."
- pm_me_x-files_quotes
Calling The Police
"If you’re naughty, the police will come and arrest you."
"Starting kids off to be scared of the police is dumb. I understand that in some places the police may be different or that you may need to educate your kid in order to counter racism or bias, but overall, if your kid is kidnapped or hurt, etc., you want them to feel it’s okay to reach out to the police and not just be scared of them."
- AndromedaFire
Words Hurt
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Bull Crap! Words can and DO hurt."
"Words hurt, cause pain, lower self-esteem, and can leave you on the sidewalk at school crying! That is one of the dumbest sayings ever after!"
- ChildofFenris1
"The axe forgets but the tree remembers is the real saying for this."
- muadib1158
Easy Times
"'Being a kid is easy.' People who say that forget how hard it is to be a kid."
"You're struggling through things that most of the world can easily do without much effort, you often feel excluded from whatever it is everyone else understands but you, and you have to rely on adults for everything while other kids are judging you for decisions that your parents/guardians have made for you."
"You don't know (yet) what's important to worry about and what isn't, and if you get it wrong, people scold you or make fun of you."
- mirrorspirit
Divorce Stories
"Staying together 'for the kids.' It doesn't work."
- corgi_crayz
"I’m genuinely so glad my parents decided to take the divorce route instead of forcing a marriage. People always ask if their being divorced makes me unhappy, but if they were together, I’d be off way worse."
- GoodTechnician2368
Just Be Honest
"Any form of avoidant nonsense when they ask a question. If they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to understand it... because that's when they're thinking about it."
"This applies to things from Santa to sex. Just meet them where their age allows for understanding in the context of their environment."
- seeyatellite
"They are old enough and smart enough to understand it and in the best position to learn about it because they are inherently curious."
"If you patiently and thoroughly answer all of your kid’s curious questions, boy do they end up h**la smart. My kid blows my mind every day with the things she figures out and connections she makes."
- the_real_dairy_queen
We've all heard all of these sayings at least once in our lives, but we may not have realized how harmful they were until we were older.
So many of these place unnecessary pressure on the child that they can't work through on their own, or they cause them to value things that will only hurt them in the end.
@chandlerparry/Threads
