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The Supreme Court's overturn of abortion rights has sparked such outrage even one of the Great Lakes is righteously angry about it--or at least, the parody account for Lake Superior is.
Until recently, Twitter account @LakeSuperior was best known for absurdly hilarious tweets trash-talking fellow Great Lakes Erie and Ontario, but that all changed when it tweeted its dismay about the Roe decision.
Naturally, Republicans simply couldn't abide this affront to right-wing morality from a parody Twitter account for a body of water, especially leader of far-right watchdog group Judicial Watch Tom Fitton, who tried to dunk on Lake Superior in response.
The keyword here is "tried," because suffice to say Fitton picked the wrong Great Lake to mess with. Lake Superior clapped back so hard the entire internet is in awe. See the exchange below.
\u201c@TomFitton Thomas, not even your first talking point is correct. Water is not wet, what water touches is wet.\n\nI'm confident I have a lot more experience in making things wet than you do.\u201d— Tom Fitton (@Tom Fitton) 1656282016
Ice. Cold. More ice cold than Lake Superior, the coldest of all five Great Lakes, in fact!
This epic Twitter war all began when Lake Superior tweeted its--or we should say her, since the Lake's pronouns are she/her per her Twitter bio (she's so inclusive and progressive!)--support for people's right to abortion health care. The tweet read:
"This lake vehemently stands with women having the right to choose."
Fitton wasn't having it, and posted his very sad attempt at a zinger in response, which read, "Water is wet and abortion kills a human being." Sick burn, Tom, but if this is the best you got it definitely should have stayed in your drafts.
Tom learned that the hard way when Lake Superior posted her response--which drowned him out like a freshwater tidal wave swallowing the Edmund Fitzgerald. It read:
"Thomas, not even your first talking point is correct. Water is not wet, what water touches is wet."
"I'm confident I have a lot more experience in making things wet than you do."
As rapper Saucy Santana once so aptly put it, "Now that's how you clear a b**ch!"
People on Twitter of course had a field day with this one, and quickly made Lake Superior the newest Twitter folk hero.
\u201c@LakeSuperior @TomFitton Hi 911 I would like to report a drowning\u201d— Tom Fitton (@Tom Fitton) 1656282016
\u201c@theillegalsegal @LakeSuperior @TomFitton Now get Gordon Lightfoot to write a song about the sinking of Tom Fitton's ego\u201d— Tom Fitton (@Tom Fitton) 1656282016
\u201c@LakeSuperior @TomFitton Who knew water could deliver 3rd degree burns?\u201d— Tom Fitton (@Tom Fitton) 1656282016
\u201c@LakeSuperior @patiomensch @TomFitton This tweet is art. And abortion is healthcare. Thank you!\u201d— Tom Fitton (@Tom Fitton) 1656282016
\u201c@LakeSuperior @TomFitton Getting dragged by an account that represents a lake. I\u2019m here for it. Thomas getting both hands.\u201d— Tom Fitton (@Tom Fitton) 1656282016
\u201c@JoannePistonFan @LakeSuperior @TomFitton 248th trimester abortion\u201d— Tom Fitton (@Tom Fitton) 1656282016
\u201c@LakeSuperior @TomFitton This tweet made me indescribably happy. And now I\u2019m following a lake, I guess.\u201d— Tom Fitton (@Tom Fitton) 1656282016
\u201c@LakeSuperior @TomFitton The legend lives on, from the Chippewa on down\n\nOf the guy a lake murdered on twitter.\u201d— Tom Fitton (@Tom Fitton) 1656282016
\u201c@LakeSuperior @TomFitton How do you report a figurative murder by drowning when the victim never got wet? Cause that\u2019s what I just saw.\u201d— Tom Fitton (@Tom Fitton) 1656282016
\u201c@RSWestmoreland @LakeSuperior @TomFitton I'm a Lake Ontario guy but damn this changes things\u201d— Tom Fitton (@Tom Fitton) 1656282016
Even the Governor of the Great Lake State of Michigan had to go on record that Lake Superior is vastly superior in the art of the Twitter drag--and she'd know, her state borders four of the five Great Lakes, after all.
\u201cThis Governor is proud of Lake Superior, which has really earned its name.\u201d— Governor Gretchen Whitmer (@Governor Gretchen Whitmer) 1656433917
As for Lakes Erie, Huron, Michigan and Ontario, they've yet to comment on the Roe ruling as of this writing. Cowards.