oh-myyy-ribbon

We are all creatures of wonder? So many ideas seem good at the time. And then we learn they are just idiotic and there are reasons why we shouldn't drink and try to function.


Redditor u/DropieIon wanted everyone to fess up about some life lessons by asking.... Which was your worst "I knew I shouldn't have done this" moment?

Don't Eat the Spider!!

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It's a vague memory, I think I was around 3 or 4 (maaaaaybe 5). I had this big goof of a German Shepard who was my best friend and guardian, but who liked to eat bugs and lizards. We were living in Nicaragua, and so bugs and lizards were not in short supply. I don't know why I decided to copy the dog, but I saw a HUGE spider and decided to eat it.

I have this memory that I'm sure has been exaggerated but I clearly remember my little hand clasping a HUGE spider by the abdomen, legs sticking out between my fingers, and popping it into my mouth. I bit down, chewed and still to this day have a vivid memory of the legs dangling out of my mouth as I ate this giant.

It tasted awful, and it felt so terrible to bite down onto. I have occasional nightmares about it now, and I'm in my mid 40's.

I want to time travel just to tell 3 or 4 year old me, "Don't eat that spider!" Don't eat absolutely massive spiders folks. You'll regret it. MenudoMenudo

The Slap back. 

I pushed a pot of hot oil off the stove top.

Funny thing about physics, the oil splashed back all over my hand. Rednaxxela

At least it wasn't your face. photoshift

The "Irony"

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I was ironing my clothes when I decided to put the iron on the carpet while my mom went shopping. Waleedrst


My roommate ironed his shirt and realized it was still kind of wrinkly once he put it on, so he tried to iron it while he was wearing it... ya he has iron shaped burn marks now. All I could ask was "what did you think would happen?" He was 28 at the time, and generally isn't an idiot. DonatedCheese

The Follow Up! 

I bought the house we'd been renting for a few years without getting an inspection first. We were trying to do it super-cheap, and I told my wife, "Look, we already know everything that's wrong with this house. Why bother getting an inspection?"

Follow up - We did not know everything that was wrong with this house. Nor how expensive it would be to fix those things. edgarpickle

BURGERS!!

I broiled burger patties on a shallow cookie sheet and the small lake of grease that accumulated caught fire. Burgers were great though. Happyhandse

Yup. Gone.

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In fourth grade my parents remodeled the kitchen. This involved digging up part of the foundation to rebuild the deck. As such we had a giant dirt pile in the back yard. I was playing on it, jumped off, tripped and fell face first on concrete. I immediately knew something was wrong. I ran inside and opened my mouth and looked in the bathroom mirror. I was missing about a third of my top right front tooth. I distinctly recall saying out loud, "yup, it's gone." jmorlin

No Polish....

When I was around 12, I noticed that nail polish remover felt cold and kind of nice as it evaporated from my fingers.

So I decided to put some on my vagina. littlest_ginger

The Rodeo. 

I was about 5 years old and the next door neighbors took me to meet their horses. The mom gave very clear and explicit instructions on how to be near and handle the horses and proceeded to start to brush one of them. In my infinite wisdom I walked behind the horse and very timidly grazed its beautiful tail with my small hand.

Thats the day I became the 1978 Connecticut state rodeo champion.

With lightning speed I was hit with a force I wouldn't again feel until as an adult I was in a car accident. I was launched out of the stall and half way across the common area. As I lay stunned, gasping for breath I knew I shouldn't have done that. skinnydippindiarrhea

As a Pencil....

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When I was 6 years old and stuck my little finger in a pencil sharpener and twisted it a few times like it was a pencil. I nearly passed out. SmallCitron

Walk Away.

Bully started walking away and my amazing brain came up with "yeah you better walk away." He then turned around and I crapped bricks. Aymoss

REDDIT

Anything dangerous or any foolish act you can think of has already been done by someone out there on the internet.

And I mean ANYTHING.

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@arlenedegaf/Twitter

A White civilian faked being a police officer in order to berate a group of Hispanic teenagers enjoying a swing set in a public, all-ages park, in Fort Worth, Texas.

One of the teens recorded the confrontation on a smartphone and posted the footage online.

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Being in the service industry is an incredibly difficult career. It is not for the lazy or faint of heart. In fact it has been scientifically proven that it takes an emotional toll on the soul, the body and most especially the mind. So what could possibly make a server reject the coin they are working for?

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If you've ever worked with kids you know that their honesty and lack of filter can sometimes make them cringeworthy - and pretty hilarious.

If you haven't (or you don't have a thick skin) then you might not be able to appreciate just how funny kids can actually be. For those who can, this article should be a blast.

Reddit user moosepajamas asked:

Teachers of Reddit, what is the funniest thing you've ever heard a student say?

The answers could sometimes be insulting, sometimes silly, and sometimes downright baffling - just like kids themselves!


September 31

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One time I was asking students their birthdays. One boy told me that his birthday was September 31st. I tried to explain that this was not possible, but he insisted. Later, I looked it up. I then informed him that his birthday was November 17th.

He looked at me kind of confused and said "ohhhh." Then his face brightened and he said, "Well, last year I KNOW it was September 31st!"

- RedditStateOfMind

Jesus

I teach elementary band. One time we were preparing for a challenging playing test and a student said: "Man, I need to practice."

Without missing a beat the kid next to him says "My mom says I need Jesus."

- moosepajamas

Shown Up By A 5th Grader

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Was tutoring after-school a couple years ago. A kid asked "What time is it?"

I joked "Time for you to get a watch."

He responded "Time for you to get a new joke" without a moment's hesitation.

I had to laugh at getting shown up by a 5th grader. Two reading levels behind but witty as hell.

- Garlic_And_Sapphires

Jogathon

I had a student who was a newcomer (just moved to the US, almost no English) from Latvia. This kid is very bright and was one of my favorite 6th graders ever. We were having our annual jogathon, which is linguistically and culturally not translatable from Latvian.

Student: "So I pay you and you make me run?"

Me: "Yeah, that's actually how it goes."

Student: "This is simple. I don't pay you, you don't make me run."

Me: "uhhhh...."

- estrogyn

Rosa

Middle school field trip to a different state. One of the chaperones (a large black woman) wanted to get in a little nap in the back seat of the bus, so she made one of the students move to a seat in the front that was far from his friends. He got in the seat and started sulking. He was normally a pretty lively kid, so I leaned forward and asked what happened.

To which he replied: "I think I just got reverse Rosa Parks-ed!"

- almost_queen

The Moon

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I teach sophomores. One day, this girl was sitting at her desk, looking very concerned, and obviously wanted to ask me something. Finally, she blurted out, "Did anybody else see the moon in the sky during lunch? It's supposed to be out at night, something is wrong!"

- cubfanbybirth

Physically

Teacher to student: "Were you in class yesterday?"

Student, sounding more lost than anything and probably answering too honestly: "Physically... ?"

It wasn't so much an attempt at humor as just the summation of how we all felt in that class, one of those "it's funny because it's too true" things... we all were showing up, we were all sitting in the class physically... but being there? That was another question...

- Allisade

The Ladies

First grade. 6 yr. old lil dude about 3 ft. tall and 80 lbs. walks in late from recess.

Me - "Why are you late?"

Kid - grabs his hunk of belly with both hands like a ball of cream cheese and says "The ladies love this!"

Sits down like nothing happen with no smile.

- BoBoShaws

Synchronized

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He asked me "If a synchronized swimmer starts drowning, do they all start drowning?"

I lost it in class.

- bunsenbernerr

It's A Miracle

I teach high school, and one of my sophomores referred to merry-go-rounds as "miracle rounds". He legit thought that's what they were called 😂😂 I corrected him and he refused to believe me lol.

- royalredhead

The Pizza Guy

I was sharing information about math in art to my students (they're about 13 years old) and mentioned Leonardo da Vinci. A student said: "The pizza guy?"

I was confused, but later she said, "See! The pizza party!"

We were looking at The Last Supper.

- catpflug

Astronomy

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"I thought Astronomy would be easy because I know all about it but he hasn't even brought up horoscopes yet and we're 6 weeks in."

- chrisrayn

Budget Cuts

I teach band. One day I'm working with the high school jazz band and we're going to start mapping out some basic compositions. I pass out blank sheet music for them to use, which is simply blank 5-line staves with no notes, no symbols, etc.

One kid gets his sheet music expecting it to be a new song we're going to work on, sees that it's blank, looks up and says "Wow, budget cuts must've hit us hard, huh?"

- SquirrelSanctuary

Life Choices

Math prof. I finished a proof and to check understanding, I asked "does everyone understand my choices?" One of my favorite students ever piped up and said "Are we talking about your proof or how you've chosen to live your life?"

- coldstainlessnail

Before

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Wore a Captain America shirt to school since the student council had a super hero day. A student said I looked like Captain America - before the super soldier injections.

- numero1uno

Parenting isn't always easy, but most parents recognize that their kids are going to mess up and need to be taught how to behave. Some, however, have deluded themselves into thinking that their little angel couldn't possibly misbehave or do anything wrong.

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Laura McIntyre / Facebook

Nurses are often one of the most undervalued professionals we have. Doctors tend to get the spotlight when it comes to healing.

But in the past week, many are placing nurses and all they do in the limelight–all thanks to Laura McIntyre celebrating her twin sister Caty's dedication.

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