Redditor owiwsnnsbsag777 has a cousin who treats her fiancé poorly and had not revealed to him the true identity of her "nephew."
When the pandemic forced all of the family members to live together in "close quarters," the Original Poster (OP) felt concerned for the fiancé after witnessing him being abused and manipulated in the relationship.
With the marriage date fast approaching, the OP thought something had to be done to save the fiancé.
The OP visited the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit and asked strangers on the internet:
"AITA for telling my cousin's fiancé that her 'nephew' is actually her child?"
In the comments, the OP mentioned the family was from the Philippines—where divorce is illegal and there is a stigma about children born out of wedlock.
"Some context: I live in a country where marriage is a gigantic aspect of one's life. If you have a child out of wedlock, then your life is pretty much over, especially if you're a woman."
"I have a cousin. I used to really like her as a child but she grew up to be very scummy and intolerable. Long story short; she's a home wrecker, gold digger, and does drugs which can get your ENTIRE family in jail because it's extremely illegal here."
"Rehab has not worked."
"She also has a child out of wedlock, 5 years old. It has been a lot of effort on our family to help her raise her child, so when she said she found a man, we were all very happy."
"Her man turned out to be one of the most intelligent, kindest, and respectful people I have ever met in my entire life. He is organized, structured, educated, etc.- the complete opposite of my cousin."
"Well the pandemic has forced all of my family to be in very close quarters with one another. And I got a big glimpse into my cousin and her fiancées relationship— and it is NOT healthy at all. Not at all. Nope."
"She manages to put on a front most of the time, but there are other times where she's extremely manipulative and abusive to him. She calls him names, tells him he needs to make more money, judges his decisions, is insanely jealous of every woman he hangs around including his actual sister, etc. etc."
"She's done drugs in his house, and she's also lied to him and says that her son is actually her nephew. She told him that she wants to 'bring her nephew with them' when they get married 'but it's not a dealbreaker.' REALLY? Your child isn't a f'king dealbreaker?"
"So I've actually just so happened to see this type of situation play out in real life. One of my uncles who used to be extremely pristine and strict married a woman who... well, she wasn't nice."
"Divorce isn't really a thing in my region so he was stuck with her, spiraled into an alcohol addiction, and was never the same afterwards. I don't know if my cousin's fiancee would have ever went to that level, but I didn't want him to f'king ruin his life marrying my cousin."
"I told him that i was concerned about their relationship. He just said that he's working on it. I also told my cousin to tone her sh*t down but she blew up in my face for it."
"Months and months passed. Everything stayed the same. I could see her fiancée growing miserable but the wedding date was nearing. One day while we were having lunch, I just let it 'slip' that my cousin's nephew is actually her son."
"I guess manipulation and abuse wasn't enough to steer him away, but revealing to him that his fiancée had a son out of wedlock was enough and he left soon after."
"My cousin was, of course, extremely pissed, but I told her that she shouldn't have hid her son in the first place AND she shouldn't have treated him like crap."
"My entire family is fuming at me now though. AITA?"
Anonymous strangers on the internet weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Redditors believed the OP did the fiancé a huge favor.
"NTA.. if he found out later, it would have been a lot more drama." – Skeldann
"Right. Sounds like the poor guy would be stuck putting up with her bs forever if we take example from the uncle. Cousin sounds insufferable. Family is just upset that they have to continue supporting her."
"Definitely NTA." – lavender-trainer
"Exactly. It's crazy to me how nobody told the poor guy the truth until OP made a slip. This was definitely an escape route for the family to not deal with the sister and OP ruined the plan."
"The family is angry because they'll have to spend more time with a lunatic." – hainowele
"NTA, your cousin sounds awful. You probably saved the guy from a lifetime of misery." – ewedrop
"The guy was a nice guy. Just because she was your cousin, doesn't mean you should allow a nice person to be subjected to a horrible marriage. Good job honestly. You did the right thing." – SonicDooscar
"NTA- If divorce were acceptable and he was the kind to stand up for himself then I would've said to stay out of it. but if being with her will really permanently ruin his life then you did the right thing."
"edit: OK people are replying to this saying if the tables were turned it would be different. I am a victim of emotional abuse and manipulation by a narcissistic piece of absolute sh*t. I am a woman. I would still not get involved if the woman had a chance to leave."
"Why? Because I know personally that you need to realize yourself what situation you are in so that you don't get into that situation again."
"Many people tried to help me and it only drew me closer to him. I was suicidal, miserable, and my self esteem was in the sh**ter. In my relationship now I purposefully chose someone who was not like that and I put a lot of effort into making sure our relationship is not like that."
"I know couples who are worse than OP's cousin. People have tried to get involved and now they've been married for decades, miserable, always tearing each out her down."
"They've gotten divorced and ended up with different people who were just as bad. Until they learn themselves they will keep choosing the wrong person."
"For the guy in OP's story, if the line was the kid and not the drugs, the verbal abuse, or the manipulation, he probably didn't learn and will find someone just like the cousin and she won't be able to help him then."
"The line is physical abuse and if the person is in imminent danger. Then obviously it needs to end." – guava_jam
"You're not supposed to 'stay out of it' when you're a witness to a man and child being abused." – BrownandBlonde
"Even if divorce was acceptable, it still takes time and call be expensive. Telling him now is still saving him time and money."
"There's no need to help the a**hole just because the victim eventually has an out." – drapehsnormak
"NTA. On a societal level it sucks that her son would be a deal-breaker for most men and she has to hide him to get married."
"However she sounds like an abusive awful person. You very likely have the guy the out he was looking for and needed, saving him from a lifetime of abuse."
"Your family is mad because they came so close of being rid of her and whitewashing her/there reputation."
"I feel really sorry for her kid." – Cassscade
Overall, Redditors declared NTA and agreed the OP did the right thing by helping the fiancé dodge a bullet.