But what happens when you're asked if someone else should join that family?
On Reddit's AITA board, people ask the titular question, "Am I The A****le?"
Responses can vary but are usually:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA -You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - Not Enough Information
Today, Prismofthemind asks if they would be in the wrong if they refused to lie to a foster agency for their parents.
The first question we have is why would they have to lie?
I'm (19 F[emale]), my older sister is (27 F[emale]), my dad is (49 M[ale]), and my step mother is (40 F[emale]). Last night, my dad sent me a text asking for my address (I've moved out) to give to a foster parent agency. My stepmother did the same to my older sister since my sister and our dad aren't on speaking terms.
They told us they wanted to start foster parenting children.
They asked us to "be nice" if they got in contact with us. The thing about that is, my sister and I both have terrible relationships with both of them. As I said before, my older sister and father aren't even on speaking terms and haven't been for months now.
This sounds really bad, but it gets even worse.
My stepmother and dad argue all the time, making it an entire family thing and placing blame on anyone but themselves. They have only been married a year, and even got married in secret because the family didn't like her.
My dad has a terrible temper and both are just very immature in how they deal with things. My dad is very controlling of his wife, and was with me and my sister when we lived at home.
I feel it would be wrong to lie to these people and send a child, already struggling, into an unstable environment. I feel that would be the last thing a child in that situation needs. However, we live in an area with very little foster parents, and I know I would be taking a home away from a child by refusing to lie for them. My sister won't lie either.
Prismofthemind explains her hesitance at enabling their parents to raise a foster child.
I honestly don't know why they even decided to do this, it's never been an interest of theirs before that I know of.
WIBTA for telling the truth about them to the foster parent agency and possibly taking a home away from a child in need?
Before we get to the comments, Prismofthemind gave an important update in an edit.
Edit: I feel it is relevant to add my dad actually adopted me and one of my younger sisters. He was married to my mom for a couple years and adopted us in that time, so technically he's my step dad but I consider him my dad. My older sister was already moved out by that time so we have never lived with him in the same house together.
And so we ask, would Prismofthemind be wrong to not lie to foster care?
Many Redditors said no.
"NTA. You're only looking out for potential children to end in the same toxic situation you endured." - JessicaJones2
"NTA. Tell the truth and save children from your experience. Your parents will not know what you said." - ireadgoofystuff
"NTA!!!!! 'm a caseworker for foster children. Please believe me when I say that you're not taking a home away from kids. You're saving them from further trauma. Foster kids have enough to deal with already without being placed in a potentially unstable home with a controlling foster parent. PLEASE tell the agency the truth, call them if needed. You'd be doing the kids a favour." - Snowstarr83
"NTA based on your first hand experiences. No placement is better than a bad placement for a foster kids." - highwoodshady
One had a particularly strong opinion.
"ESH. How could you even begin to think that lying about this would be okay?" - ks9836
"I told myself I wouldn't argue with people like this in the comments, but I clearly do not think it okay, I explained why I thought I may be TA by taking a home away from a child even if it wasn't the best, it was a home, and not having been in foster care myself, I didn't know the viewpoint on it. It was a simple question as to which I explained both of my viewpoints to, so the answer is within the post itself." - prismofthemind
"I read your post and understand your POV, but still going with ESH because it seems obvious on many levels that lying would be a very bad idea. Your parents are only in this for the money and would not provide a stable, loving home for these children." - ks9836
Prismofthemind has updated to say they have no update. The foster company has not contacted her yet and she's unsure if she'll be able to share her answers confidentially.
Whatever the case, I'm sure most people want foster kids to be in a safe and loving environment. Hopefully, that ends up being the case here.