Surgeons Share The Dumbest Thing They've Ever Had To Remove From A Patient

Pre-ER. 

I into a hawthorn bush a few years back, when out for a walk. I didn't seem to be hurt, but there was a small, round brown dot on the side of my little finger, right at the lower knuckle. And the joint didn't want to bend.

Curious, I took the tweezers from my Swiss Army knife and pulled at the dot... and out slid a 3/4-inch Haw-thorn. It didn't hurt, the knuckle worked fine, and it never got infected. Nature's needles, those things. carmium

With BBQ Sauce?

ER surgeon, had to remove a chicken nugget from someone's bum. And no not a partially eaten one, a full, perfectly kept chicken nugget lodged unusually far up someone's butt.

This seemed rather recent, the guy showed up with his buddies and they were all clearly drunk. The reason the man required surgery was because the way the nugget was lodged. It was stuck behind the rectum, closer to the sigmoid colon.

The nugget would've passed on its own eventually, however we were worried about potential blockages and infection. The procedure required no cutting, so we opted in favor of surgery to avoid any complications.

It would have eventually, but the consequences of waiting were uncertain.

Frayjais

Don't Swallow. 

A condom, no... not auto correct, I had to remove a condom from a patient's small intestine. They swallowed it. EarthySwing1029

The Abs.... 

My mum once spent an evening removing fish, chips and several pints of beer from a guy's abdominal cavity. H e got drunk and tried to kill himself by stabbing himself in the heart. But he missed and stabbed his stomach instead... so his dinner ended up floating around his abdominal cavity. err-what

11 Inches?!

11 inch cucumber, pickle jar and shards of glass. cassie039

Usually i let them pickle in the fridge for a couple weeks, but i guess this would work too. thesmokestack

Why is it always the butt?!

Not a surgeon but a nurse here. My patient had to get a 5 pound metal dumbbell remove from his rectum. The whole thing was shoved in there. Everyone was pretty amazed he pulled that off. He did serious damage to his insides though.

I also had a patient who "fell" on the large cap of a can of carpet cleaner and it lodged in his rectum.

We actually have a lot of people shoving stuff up their butts and not being able to get them out. Easy-Growth

Quite Impressive. 

Not a surgeon but was on my ER rotation in med school. A guy came in and he had stuck an 8 inch glass dildo up his backside too far and lost it. I took a picture of the CT scan on my old phone. It was quite impressive to say the least. Tuhrontoh_TML

slurp....

Not about a person and I'm not a doctor but thought this was interesting/funny. When I was a kid our poor bloodhound LOVED to get into the trash. One day my mom saw him in the backyard really struggling to pinch it off so she walked out there to see what's up. She saw a still intact bread bag hangin' out his backside. She stepped on the end to give it some grip and I kid you not this dog took off running with a lil slurp upon exit. Poor guy.

And yes, we immediately got a trash can he could no longer access. stevegburg69

A Sand What?

I am not a surgeon but i knew someone who ran the x-rays at the hospital and she told me about this old man in his 60s that had to get a sand pit shovel removed from his butt. And it was entirely inside of the anus. tntreigns

Congratulations! It's a... Phillip's?

I'm OB/GYN. A patient came to Labor and Deliver around midnight with the following complaint, "My boyfriend was putting the crib together and he left stuff all over the bed. I was tired so I lay down to sleep and I think something got up inside me." I did a vaginal exam and pulled out a screwdriver, philips head. Thankfully it was handle side first, not pointy side towards baby. Papdoc

Bad Hopper!

Grasshopper leg from underneath the conjunctiva (outer layer of skin on the front of the eyeball).

Grasshopper jumped hard, ran into his eyeball. Got stuck and wiggled, part of the leg broke off. Grass-limper got away, but the foot/ankle did not. monkeysa47

STUCK! 

Crayon from an ear canal.

Shampoo bottle from the rectum.

Jar of coconut oil from the rectum.

Rolled ball of aluminum foil from a male's urethra.

Pencil from a male's urethra.

There's more but those are the ones that stick out. Unluckily for them, those didn't... stick out... SucculentOwl

 allegedly!​!!!

When my friend was doing her nurses training in the ER a guy came in with an empty jam jar stuck up his bum, his excuse? - He had just had a shower & (whilst still wet) sat down in his chair. What he hadn't noticed was the empty jam jar on the chair & because he was wet & as a result, slippery the jam jar just happened to "slip" up his bottom... allegedly! Stabby-the-cat

Silly Corgi! 

So true. Had a corgi who swallowed a cooked chicken whole, bones and all. No problem. He liked chewing up razor-sharp mussel shells, dead horseshoe crabs. The best was his expression when he licked up a gumdrop covered with tiny brown ants. He loved dried-up worms on the sidewalk. He was a tough guy, but even with that digestive tract he nearly died from food-poisoning a couple times! waupakisco

Go for 3?

Oh man, not a surgeon but I did this.

Was eating jelly beans in the living room and I was not supposed to be eating in the living room. My dad came in and so I hid them in the most logical spot, my nose. Couldn't get them out so I had to go to the hospital to get them removed. Didn't do this once, but twice. squiddo_the_kiddo

THE WORST SMELL 

I was running anesthesia on a chocolate lab for a foreign body surgery. Turns out he ate the owners used menstrual pad. That was THE WORST SMELL I have ever experienced in a career of pulling rotting garbage out of dogs intestines and cleaning up crap on the daily. BlackoutXForever

Mommy's First... 

My friend had a child at 16 and was terrified of not being a good mother. She read lots of books and took every free parenting classes that was out there at that time.

Her daughter was around 2 when she started smelling really bad from her nose. She took her to the Doctor immediately still really scared of being called an unfit mother. The Doctor took a look and laugh. The kid had put a toy loose stuffing in her nose. They took it out and she was fine. She told me that she cried at lot more than her daughter. sonia72quebec

Turkey Day Chronicles. 

Former nurse, called to ER for to set up for foreign body removal on Thanksgiving evening. OK someone didn't chew their turkey... super predictable holiday call. Arrive at ER and Doc says to set up a colonoscopy. Wait what? 20 y/o male had "fallen" on a shot glass. Look at the x-rays and yep, there it is' but something didn't look quite normal about it. Start the scope and find a rainbow blinking LED shot glass. Doc says, "So you think he wants us to take it out or just change the batteries?" mtcrabtree

Leave it In! 

Honestly, a tiny, insignificant little speck of metal that a guy got in his arm. There was literally no reason it needed to come out because it had been there a long time and had never gotten infected or caused a problem. But he was absolutely dead set on having it out, even when I warned him that digging it out of his muscle was more likely to cause bleeding, scarring, pain, etc.

And he wasn't willing to do it with just local. Oh No. Had to be put under full general anesthesia, and after 3 minutes of waiting for the prep to dry I then spent about 4 seconds making an incision and popping out the dumb thing.

Second dumbest was a kid who fell in the woods, landed on an outstretched hand, and had a wound on their palm that never healed for literally months. Eventually got sent to me for evaluation, and I numbed up their hand and pulled out an almost one inch long chunk of some kind of plant stem that had been jammed up in their hand the whole time.Immortal_So_Far

A what box?

I worked in a hospital that kept an "Butt Box" full of stuff pulled out of people's butts.

There was a full size stapler in it. hokeyWB