"Friend tried to convince me..."

A friend tried to convince me that a man got pregnant because the egg managed to go down his urethra during sex.

What the f***?

RedAngryCloud

That's not how that works, by the way.

That's not how any of that works. Time to go back to biology class.

"Tom also thought..."

I've told stories about this guy on here before, but many years ago I worked with a guy named Tom who had a whole smattering of utterly bats*** insane beliefs he was constantly trying to convince me of. Here are some of Tom's takes on the world:

Tom was convinced that natural blondes had gone extinct and that any time you saw a woman with blonde hair she had dyed it to try to deceive men and therefore blondes could never be trusted. When I asked him about men who dyed their hair blonde he started questioning my sexuality and told me real men never notice other men's hair color.

Tom also thought that literally every single country on earth except for America was a decrepit third world s***hole, like he actually thought that if you went to France or Italy you'd see people living in utter squalor and children starving to death in the street. He'd get angry any time I'd talk about traveling abroad because he was so convinced I wouldn't be able to handle the horrors I'd see. Tom had never traveled outside the U.S.

Tom believed the entire state of Texas was a desert and tried to convince me of that too despite the fact that he had never been to Texas and I had lived there for seven years.

Tom saw me reading Lord of the Rings in the break room once and started lecturing me on how no woman would ever sleep with a man who reads Lord of the Rings.

Any time I liked a movie that Tom didn't like he would try to convince me that I hadn't liked it either but had just been brainwashed into thinking I had liked it. This also went for movies Tom hadn't seen but had just heard was bad.

That's just scratching the surface of Tom's insanity, but those are the only stories I have directly relevant to this particular question.

schnit123

Tom needs some help.

And I mean... serious help.

"I had a coworker..."

I had a coworker at a supplement store who worried that wheat germ would give someone "plant AIDS."

RaspberrySweaty

"My cousins made up a story..."

That 'lamb' on a restaurant menu is actually human meat.

My cousins made up a story that people who wanted to end it all could volunteer to be cooked and served up in fancy restaurants. 'Lamb' was a code word for human meat. Don't know why I believed them for so long, but I never ordered the lamb.

whoopi_wisdom

"When I was five..."

When I was five and had recently moved to the US from Mexico, a family friend's teenage daughter told me that fire hydrants were robots that came alive at sundown and collected kids who were out in the streets and took them to prison. The day she told me that she made us run home as fast as we could because it was getting dark outside. I believed this until I learned what they really were.

Conrosas

"He was dumb as a brick..."

Some friend of my cousin was trying to convince me he was an active duty Navy SEAL.

He was dumb as a brick, out of shape, gave up at the slightest setback, and got confused when I dropped some very rudimentary military slang into a sentence.

Somehow he had my cousin convinced though.

alltherobots

Damn.

You could at least look the part. Or is that too much? (Probably, yeah.)

"I was respectful..."

When I was studying abroad in China, there was a Canadian who we'll call Tim. I was from the lower half of the States and hadn't had much exposure to Canadian culture other than what I saw on TV.

Tim told me about Vancouver's annual "Running of the Moose." He told me that it was a special holiday in his culture. Canadians would mount up on their big horses, lasso some big Canadian moose, and then lead them back to the main Vancouver street. From there, they'd let the moose loose.

People would try to run from the moose. Some would try to ride them. Canadians celebrate by watching the moose festivities, eating moose tracks ice cream, and drinking copiously. "It's like our Fourth of July," he told me.

When I tried to look it up, Tim explained that China blocked search results for it. It didn't seem that out of the ordinary. China blocks a LOT of stuff on the internet.

I was respectful and asked respectful questions. I didn't want to insult my first Canadian! Especially with their reputation of being so nice. I had no reason to think I was getting bullsh!tted.

It wasn't until two years later while out on a date did I get corrected. Dude mentioned that he'd visited Vancouver recently and I asked if he'd seen the "Running of the Moose." He laughed and thought I was joking. It was then that I realized that the U.S. internet didn't have stuff on this so-called holiday either. It was all a dumb joke and I believed it for years.

aciddd123

Tim and Tom should hang out.

But get this... what if they already do?!

"That I got my autism..."

That I got my autism from my HPV shot I took in 12th grade.

The same autism that I had been diagnosed with when I was in 1st.

H010CR0N

Ummm...

...some of the people mentioned here probably wouldn't be able to hit water if they fell out of a boat. We kinda dig "The Running of the Moose," though, but just so you know: Moose are highly territorial and dangerous as hell. You wouldn't want to run into one, no matter how majestic it might be!

Have some of your own stories to share? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!