Dating is tough, especially if you're a proud (or not-so-proud) member of #TeamOblivious.
Don't worry, you're not the only one.
Lots of us stare blankly into the opportunities life throws our way and then wonder why we are totally single.
Sorry, Netflix doesn't count as a relationship partner.
Let's turn our attention to Reddit user NightHunt2099. A few days ago they pretty much secured the rank of Captain on Team Oblivious - and were more than happy to tell us all about it.
He posted about it in the subReddit TIFU; which stands for "Today I F-ed Up." The subReddit is essentially a celebration of the times people brain fart their way into dumb situations.
The description is fantastic:
"... a community for the dumba$ in all of us. We all have those moments where we do something ridiculously stupid. Let us make each other feel better about ourselves. Come and check it out! Why you should join us: It's funny, interesting, cringe-worthy, laugh-causing, smile-inducing, feel-good, ridiculous, humor, humorous, humerus, stupid, cool, awesome, but mostly because it's the best community on Reddit."
Things started with an innocent invite to a movie. NightHunt asked a close ladyfriend if she wanted to go with him.
She said yes. Plans were made.
Except it appears ladyfriend may have thought the invite was a date, so she kicked the flirt into high-gear. NightHunt, who reveals in the comments that this was only his second "date" ever - missed all the hints she flung at him.
A visual representation of the date:
Here's his original post (edited for language):
"So didn't happen today, but rather yesterday. I invited a close friend to the movies with me. A few odd things happened, and it wasn't until I spoke to a friend of mine that I realized I missed multiple hints that she was into me."
"1) Beforehand, I jokingly texted her about a time a friend of mine and I got stuck in town for four hours charging in front of a hotel (my car is electric). She replies 'Don't worry, if that were you and I, we'd make the most of it' with a wink face after. I laughed it off and forgot about it."
"2) Driving home, she tells me about her friends which 'know of every hidden f-ing-spot' between the country roads that we were passing through, even pointing out a few. I replied, 'I guess that's an interesting thing to know"'with a laugh. She then looks to my backseat and goes 'yeah, there's not much you could do in [my car] though'. I then replied 'You know probably not' and thought no more of it."
"3) When we get back to her house, she asks if I want to go inside to get a soda, to which I politely declined because I wasn't thirsty." ~ NightHunt2099
Guys... guys... this poor man was so oblivious that he missed the winky face/hookup spot/come inside invitation trifecta!
It took someone else to point it out to him. Forget what we said earlier about him being the team captain.
We're going to have a to found a nation for oblivious people and just name him the king. Enjoy your crown, dude.
Other Reddit users reacted pretty much how you'd expect... with a complete and total roasting. It didn't stay there, though.
Interestingly, the conversation evolved into something a bit deeper than that.
Take a look ...
"I bet if she grabbed you between the legs you would have assumed she was checking for cancer, too."
"'what...am i supposed to, like, cough or something?'"
"*Grabs his balls.*"
"'Thanks, but actually my doctor checked my testes a few days ago at my last appointment. And I'm driving right now, so please try not to make sudden movements, it can be a little distracting sometimes.'"
"Always leave em wanting more. Even if you don't know that's what you're doing."
"You never know man never assume. After all, she could be Canadian and was just trying to be nice."
People found his 3rd point particularly amusing:
"When we get back to her house, she asks if I want to go inside to get a soda, to which I politely declined because I wasn't thirsty." ~ NightHunt2099
"Ha the 3rd is what gets me, like even if hooking up didn't go through his mind, offering someone a drink at theirs is clearly an invitation to continue spending time together. Whether its a date or just a friend."
"I cracked up when I read the 'politely declined' part. Perfect way to start the morning!"
Although some were able to find an alternate meaning to all the dropped hints.
"'we'd make the most of it' - she was going rob the hotel with you."
"'pointed out every blind spot' - that's where she'd dump any evidence."
"'come up for a soda' - she was gonna lace the soda then frame you for a previous hotel heist or treat you like evidence."
"[nightHunt2099] dodged a real bullet here."
Some felt the need to warn women and ask for a little help.
"To every girl reading this story: We ain't dumb. It's just that sometimes we have a hard time taking hints, especially if we consider you a friend. Don't let us die alone."
"Counterpoint: sometimes we just genuinely are f-ing stupid (when it comes to this). My best friend took three years to figure out I was into him, and I was...not subtle."
Others could definitely relate.
"I feel this on a spiritual level. Some people will say that this isht was obvious and that you are dumb for not taking advantage of the situation. But for some people, it's hard to grasp the fact that someone actually wants to be with them."
"Your brain will tell you that it means nothing and that it couldn't possibly amount to anything. Don't feel bad OP, it happens to the best of us. Good luck on your next movie date."
While some had their own tale to tell.
"I only started getting out of my shell when I was about 24. Before that I dressed like isht, didn't take care of my hygiene and appearance, and had almost lost any hope of ever losing my virginity."
"I then started taking care of myself and even found a way to dress I liked, found haircuts that suited me and grew some facial hair. I definitely looked a lot better but I still could not even understand how any girl might be attracted to me."
"When I met my first girlfriend at 25 I just couldn't understand how she could want to be with me. After a chaotic 3 years relationship I found myself single again and quite desperate."
"I traveled a bit with my sister who kept on insisting I wasn't ugly and could have a shot with many pretty girls. I didn't believe her until she started pointing out every obvious signs of interest from girls around us."
"To my surprise, there were a lot of them, from a lot of girls. It was so weird to me. Like I could see it but it did not compute. This was a reality that was lightyears away from what I thought was possible."
"So I started paying a lot more attention when my sister wasn't around. I realized that even before I took better care of myself I could remember a lot of instances when girls were obviously interested but I just missed it because I thought it wasn't possible."
"A year after my breakup I went from a single sexual partner to 7 and many more interesting dates. I'm glad I got there. So to everyone here who simply cannot conceive that some girls out there might be interested, try paying attention to the signs, even if you feel it's unlikely, you might be surprised."
"I realize now that I made things a thousand time harder for myself by missing every opportunity because I thought I was a lot less interesting than I actually was. Beware of awful self-fulfilling prophecies."
Here's to hoping he picks up what she puts down this time.
We're cheering for you, dude!