Couples often agonize over who will and won't make their wedding guest list.
But is anyone guaranteed an invitation?
A 25-year-old man wondered if he could set his own guest list or if he's obligated to invite certain people. Unsure of his decision, he turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor Aita70079169 asked:
"AITA For not letting my brother and his wife come to my wedding after he kicked me out?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I [Male25] currently live alone and work as a mechanic. Both my parents are deceased."
"I have an older brother who took me in after my parents house was taken and it was an absolutely difficult phase. I was working at an auto shop and was demanded to pay for food/household stuff for my brother and his wife so I could continue to live with them."
"I couldn't save enough money to move out and it got worse. My life turned upside down when I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma at the local community hospital."
"At first several doctors could not identify the type of cancer I had. Unsure of what to do I was referred to a specialist which required me to pay x amount of money."
"I stopped working cause I was too weak. My brother's wife completely ignored what I was going through and started complaining about me being at their house and not helping."
"She kept trying to turn my brother against me and he ended up getting into a huge argument with me while I was undergoing chemotherapy for the second month and I was kicked out by my brother who claimed my condition was my own problem and he had no obligation to take care of an adult. Just his kids."
"I was a complete mess. A friend of mine took me in."
"He was confused by my brother's actions and lack of empathy he had, to be treating me like this in my darkest days. Relatives weren't present as much as I hoped for them to be."
"It was an incredibly difficult phase for me. I was mad and frustrated, this affected my treatment and my brother only showed up once at the hospital but gave me nothing."
"It's been over 2 years now, my fiancée lives in another town currently taking her end-of-semester exams. We're getting married in January."
"A relative of mine gave the news to my brother—clearly he has been asking about me for a while. And he wanted to come to me several times but I refused to let him."
"He knew about the wedding and said he and his wife wanted to come. Said he was hurt other people were invited but he wasn't."
"Pretended that I was being hostile towards him for no reason and said his wife is the one encouraging him to call me and visit right now. Funny she did the opposite while I was struggling."
"I refused to give him an invitation or even have a talk with him because of much heartach that has been caused already. But I was getting criticism for my stance and was told to forgive and forget."
"I guess my brother didn't know how serious my condition was as we had this argument while I was beginning my treatment. He actually thought it was okay and that I could handle myself as an adult."
"He had his own issues and didn't care enough to fix things between us. Instead thought his wife was right about me."
"I've already moved on from them and the way they treated me like I was a burden on their shoulders."
"My brother is known to be weak and let others influence him. His wife has an incredible amount of control over him and he has no problem doing what she says."
"I have a reason on to believe she had a huge part in driving a wedge between us and caused all those arguments by constantly pouring poison in his ear."
Redditors were asked to weigh in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The OP was declared not the a**hole.
"NTA. Cancer treatment is one of the hardest things you can go through. For your brother's wife to get mad that you aren't helping around the house??"
"Chemo takes everything out of you! And then for your brother to take her side and kick you out?"
"No, absolutely not the asshole. I'm sorry they did that to you and I do not blame you one bit for not inviting them to your wedding." ~ crack_the_nut
"'Forgive and forget' are the words that people who have never been in that situation throw around because they simply can't comprehend the gravity of what happened."
"If him and the wife weren't taking money from you, you would have been able to save up and get yourself a place of your own. But no, they sucked you dry, then literally left you to die."
"No, no they don't get to act like the victim here. And to be honest, I would tell the whole story to the relatives."
"If they still can't understand where you're coming from, and continue to give you shit about it, I'd go as far as uninviting them too."
"NTA, stand your ground. You've made it thru so much, this is nothing." ~ foodytwoshoes
"NTA. He wasn't interested in the hard bit of being a brother, he cant just enjoy the party part." ~ Aqua-Regis
"NTA. They treated you like worthless trash when you needed family the most. If it was me, they would be the last people on my mind to invite to a wedding."
"They dont deserve your time. I'm so sorry you went through that." ~ bdm90
"NTA. He kicked out and made you homeless when you had cancer. Cancer!"
"And he knew you had cancer."
"If that was me, the second I left my brother's house, he would've been dead to me. I would have started telling people I'm an only child." ~ jhercules
"NTA. He knew you were struggling, fighting CANCER and he callously threw you out because your diagnosis wasn't his problem."
"To me it almost reeks of him trying to appear like he cares when he doesn't. Maybe that's a little cynical or bitter of me but if your brother truly cared, he would've been there when you were struggling with your treatment, not when everything was sunshine and going well.
"Maybe I'm wrong but it just feels like after reading your post it's just about the appearance of being sorry and not actually being sorry."
"It's your wedding. It's your day to celebrate and be happy and you should have people there that supported and cared for you." ~ Rav3na3l
Life is full of choices. And actions have consequences.
The OP's brother and sister-in-law are now facing the repercussions of their choices from two years ago. Whether they'll ever be welcomed back into the OP's life is unclear.
What is clear is Reddit doesn't fault the OP for excluding them from his wedding.