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Woman's Boyfriend Accuses Her Of Being Self-Centered For Wanting To Get A Breast Reduction To Help Her Back

Woman's Boyfriend Accuses Her Of Being Self-Centered For Wanting To Get A Breast Reduction To Help Her Back
Peter Dazeley / Gety Images

Today's story comes from a young woman who has suffered with back pain for the last decade thanks to breasts that are far larger than her frame can comfortably support.

To ease her pain, she wanted a breast reduction.

Her boyfriend gets that she's in pain and all, he just really likes boobs, ya know?

As a result of his deep and abiding love (for her breasts) he berated and called her selfish when she suggested the surgery.

After suffering for years, trying yoga, therapeutic exercises and popping pain killers like candy, she decided enough is enough. Her quality of life wasn't what she wanted, so it was time to seriously consider a breast reduction to alleviate her pain and avoid potential dependence on pain killers.

Her boyfriend had always been supportive of her in everything and was a firsthand witness to the pain she suffered, so his reaction when she told him that she was finally considering surgery caught her off guard. He turned the discussion into berating, gaslighting and manipulation.

Eventually, he attempted to "compromise" by telling her he would allow her to have a reduction, but she couldn't go below a certain cup size or he just wouldn't be attracted to her anymore.

alison brie omg GIFGiphy

So she turned to Reddit with her story, hoping they'd have a bit of advice for her.

"I (26F) was born with unfortunately large breasts. Currently my bra size is a whopping 38 E. Because of this, I've had INTENSE back pain, shoulder pain, etc growing up."
"Starting a few months ago, the pain had only gotten worse and worse - It seemed I couldn't go an hour without having to dramatically crack my back and swallow ibuprofen and still have to suffer pain. I've tried yoga, stretching, exercising, and everything to try to eliminate back pain. I hoped that with a stronger core or something I'd be able to support my own chest, but I've only found that it makes it worse."
"So I did some research and found that a breast reduction was just what I needed. I thought about going down to a C cup or even a B. I wanted my back pain to be COMPLETELY gone."
"So, about a week ago, I brought up with my boyfriend (28M), thinking he'd take it well. He's always been supportive of me, so I trusted him. He was PISSED."
"He told me that I was throwing away my body and "caving in to societal pressure." He said there was no reason to change my tit size, and that if I did, he wouldn't be attracted to me anymore. We argued about it for a good 2 hours before he tried to "compromise" with me and say he was alright with it as long as I didn't go below a D cup, because anything smaller than that was "childish"."
"He also called me egotistical and self absorbed; asking me why I didn't talk to him about it sooner, or think he would care about it. I told him I didn't think he'd care so much about me changing MY body. He stormed out of the room and has been passive aggressively ignoring me ever since, even to the extent that he won't say "I love you" back, or sleep in the same bed as me."
"So, Reddit, i just need to know. Am I the a$$hole for this??"

Go ahead and take a moment to absorb that.

Really take it in. SIt with it. Ponder it. Seek the wisdom of the ancestors as you mull it over.

Sometimes the ancestors are subtle.

This man went from zero to gaslighting real quick.

What was that? He hit her with the guilt trip/manipulation combo like a champ.

Dude must have a Ph.D in douchery because that was slick. He played it so perfectly he actually had her doubting herself. He had her wondering if maybe she was being selfish for not wanting to live with constant pain.

Her man clearly fetishizes her chest. How could she take that away from him for something as selfish as not feeling like a prisoner being tortured in her own body?

It's okay, though.

Reddit was here to remind her that she was not the a$$.

AITA is, after all, the subReddit where anonymous strangers on the internet are asked if and where guilt is placed by declaring:

  • NTA - Not The A**hole
  • YTA - You're The A**hole
  • ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH - No A**holes Here

Guess which one Redditors picked?

Anyway, here's Reddit reading the guy for filth.


"Schedule a boyfriend reduction." - madelinegumbo
"Huge red flag. massive. This is entirely for choice, and in no way impacts his wellbeing. He wouldn't be attracted to you anymore? Well, heck, I suppose your beautiful personality, intelligence, and caring nature aren't enough for him..."
"He is extremely selfish and childish. I usually stay away from the "cut them off" advice, but this is the time I have to use it., You are suffering every single day. he would rather you have chronic back issues than do something about it because of what he likes? No way. Goodbye sir." - Sweetteasnake
"Your boyfriend prioritizing his sexualization of you over your physical health is the only childish thing going on here.That's like telling someone with horrible vision that they look ugly in glasses so they should just deal with being blind because you're more pleasing to look at without glasses." - Ms_Linda
"Get rid of him, & then get rid of however much of your titties as you wish! You are the one who has to live with the weight of your gigantaboobs, you are the one who has to experience the back pain; you do what you want to do with your breasts. Ok? Don't let anyone else tell you different, you do you." - constanly_dizzy
"D!ck is abundant and low value. No, seriously. This guy reduced your worth as a girlfriend (to him) to your boobs. Follow his example, look at his d!ck, in all its - what is it, 6inch? - glory and ask yourself:"
"Is this worth decades of back pain? Keep one thing in mind, young bodies are so, so damn forgiving. Mine didn't give a f**k when I ate junk a whole weekend, got drunk, and slept on the ground, feet on the grass (because our friend group of eight thought it was a good idea to just bring a tent for two people) as a teen or tween. Back then, my spine didn't mind my boobs that are somewhere between C and D."
"Things took a painful turn in my thirties. My back screams just from typing this. That's age for you. It was fun while it lasted."
"And you, you are so young and already in so much pain from those damn things! Even if you found it kinda alluring to be a guy's sex object (no judging), do you really think he'll get to enjoy your body (the only thing he's really into) often in the future? I don't even want to imagine the pain you'd be in ten, fifteen years from now. If he believes that you'll find sex enjoyable when your back feels like it's on fire, tell him that even 50 Shades thinks that he's ridiculous."
"Write "Society" on a 1kg weight, tie it to his balls, tell him to jump rope, and ask him if he is gaining a new perspective on society's opinion (please don't do that just because some old hag on the internet suggested it.) Throw the whole man out. He might be fun, cute, good in bed, nice to puppies on a good day and maybe you really love him for these moments. But fact is, he loves you for your tits. And he values the love for your tits more than your health and happiness. A person like that won't take it gracefully in the future if you say "no" to sex because your spine threatens to disintegrate at the mere thought."
"Tit for tat, he sees you as a necessary support system for your boobs, not a person, kindly do the same with him and his d!ck. The first sentence of this post still applies." - pokethejellyfish

We'd ask you your thoughts on what she should do, but when your partner pulls some selfish manipulative mess like that, there really can only be one option.

So... um... I guess we're done here? Uh... break time, everyone? Drinks? Let's order a pizza or something.

The book Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You is available here.