It's beneficial for partners to have different hobbies. It gives them more to talk about and provides each person with some "me time."
But two rules should probably be followed: they need to maintain respect for each other and each other's hobbies... and their hobbies should not be disruptive or disrespectful of the other.
One woman found herself calling it quits after her boyfriend's hobby, namely, playing video games with his guy friends, regularly involved her getting mocked by the friends.
Redditor "Inkantated" shared how she asked her boyfriend to leave for a few days after he refused to defend her feelings to his friends in the "Am I the A**hole?" subReddit.
She jumped right to the chase while sharing her feelings about her boyfriend's gaming buddies.
"My boyfriend has a group of friends he plays Rainbow Six Seige with [who he also knows in real life] and I absolutely hate them."
"Why? Because from the moment he started playing with them they've constantly been making jokes about my voice and how I sound like a 'pre pubescent 16 year old boy.' I've never interacted with these people before and they've only heard my voice once over my boyfriends headset."
Her boyfriend wasn't exactly helping the situation, either.
"From the moment the jokes began I've told him to ask [them] to stop. He never has. He just laughed along with them and told me to let it go. This has happened four times already."
"Every time he even mentions that I'm in the room with him, here come these grown men cracking jokes about the way I sound. I can hear them through my boyfriends headset."
She finally reached her breaking point and asked her boyfriend to do something about it.
"I got upset two nights ago when they started again and got in an argument with my boyfriend. I told him that I didn't like that he allowed them to [say] that and that if he was going to just laugh along with them he could leave for a bit (he lives with me)."
"[H]e got mad and told me that I needed to let it go and not let it bother me because thats what gaming is all about. That being made fun of was 'online culture' and I had to stop being so sensitive."
When he refused and supported his gaming more than her feelings, the Redditor decided she'd had enough.
"That really p*ssed me off and I turned off his Playstation mid game and told him that if he was going to stay here with me that he had to respect me and quit playing with them."
"He said I was being controlling and that I don't have the right to tell him who he can play with and I needed to grow up. He just keeps making excuses for these men and doesn't seem to even take in to consideration how it makes me feel to hear him and his friends make fun of me."
"So I told him to get his things and leave for a few days until I calm down and figure out what to do with all this."
"So, am I the a**hole?"
After her boyfriend was already out of the house, the Redditor shared her situation and asked if she was out-of-line.
Her fellow Redditors were quick to point out that, no, she was NTA (Not the A**hole) for feeling this way. And also no, this is not how "online culture" and "gaming culture" is supposed to work.
"NTA (Not the A**hole) - your partner doesn't act like a real partner. He downplays your feelings, doesn't care that his friends are making you feel bad and disrespected and doesn't have your back. Tell him not to come back."
"You are not being too sensitive or overreacting - he's showing you who he is, and he's not a good BF. Believe him and value yourself enough not to put up with BS." SadderOlderWiser
"I am very in to both gaming and online culture."
"This guy is an a**hole. He's exactly the sort of person the 'avoid this player' feature was invented for. most of us hate toxic people like that."
"Gaming and online culture aside, anyone who claims to care about you won't let others be an a**hole to you unless he is also an a**hole." - bigmonmulgrew
"Sitting with my bf right now while he plays cod warzone. His friends have been nothing but pleasant. They even say hi to me and my bf has stopped multiple times when the games at a lull to kiss me. So don't settle for this."
"It's not a part of online culture. It's a part of his sh*tty friend groups culture. And people like him and his friends think the way they treat each other online is the way everyone acts online."
"Edit: NTA (Not the A**hole) but [the boyfriend] sure is" - jkhkitty
"I've never had online gaming buddies make fun of my fiance or anyone with me during gaming session and I sure wouldn't allow them to make fun of anyone."
"Guess BF doesn't want to damage his relationship with these people but in turn is damaging his relationship with the girl, and that is not something I can understand" - akutasame94
"That is not online and gaming culture, that is the toxic group that you either try to avoid or actively take part in. He is in the 'actively take part in' along with the 10 year olds and neckbeards." - King-TayTay
"Yup. He's one of those 'toxic gamers' that ruins the games for others. Only it seems the same level of toxicity spills over into real life and damages the relationship with OP (Original Poster)."
"He defends hateful and hurtful actions. He has the nerve to take advantage of OP's hospitality and kindness. You can and will do better, OP. Send him packing. NTA (Not the A**hole)." - not-creatively-rich
It sounds like where this Redditor's boyfriend won't have her back, her fellow Redditors who are also gamers sure will.
It also sounds like this woman needs to do some serious thinking about what she wants from this relationship, and whether or not it's worth resuming the game or opting for "Game Over" once and for all in this relationship.
@sama/X
