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Right now, our stress levels are turned all the way up to 11.
That's okay, though.
Writer Anbara Salam is a giving soul who is here to provide us all with a brief but beautiful reprieve.
In a bid to make everyone's newsfeed a little less scary, she decided to open up and share the sordid tale of the most embarrassing moment of her life.
If laughter is the best medicine, Anbara might as well be Dr. House.
First thing's first, we need to hop in the way-back machines. It's been ten years since the incident but it's still completely burned into her mind.
Honestly, we'd never be able to forget it either. It involves the phrase "I am wearing only a lobster" and that sort of thing is hard to forget.
Alas, we are getting ahead of ourselves. At the beginning of our sordid tale of woe, Anbara is a bright-eyed innocent tourist in Germany trying to enjoy a spa day.
We only get two tweets into her story before things go very wrong.
As a public service in these stressful times I'd like to offer, as a palate cleanser, the most embarrassing moment… https://t.co/M5gTGLLTZT— Anbara Salam (@Anbara Salam)1584352321.0
Bf and I agree to meet in the café. I get undressed, grab a lil towel and go off to the sauna. There are 2 unmarked… https://t.co/efEX00XCSj— Anbara Salam (@Anbara Salam)1584352321.0
Very, very wrong.
The door locks behind me. I am trapped inside the fire escape, in the nip. 3/— Anbara Salam (@Anbara Salam)1584352321.0
It's 2 storeys, dark, grim, noisy bc of huge fans. I bang on the fire escape door until I actually hurt myself. Not… https://t.co/tkfj65itrG— Anbara Salam (@Anbara Salam)1584352322.0
Bang on the 2nd floor doors for 10 mins. Yell some more. Nothing. On the ground floor there's an unlocked door. J… https://t.co/8lS4qnY4Y2— Anbara Salam (@Anbara Salam)1584352322.0
Oh no...
Friends, there's nothing quite like running, naked & crying, around an industrial machine room. I spot a service li… https://t.co/lbKBjAcm5A— Anbara Salam (@Anbara Salam)1584352322.0
I go up & down in the lift a few times. There's a security camera in the lift. Torn between 'I don't want anyone to… https://t.co/uEs2wPxzBj— Anbara Salam (@Anbara Salam)1584352323.0
After a few rides up & down, there's a German loudspeaker announcement, and I just *know* it's about me. Like 'the… https://t.co/9xPum9fr1q— Anbara Salam (@Anbara Salam)1584352323.0
Eventually the lift doors open. A spa employee stands there. He is the most dressed man to ever be wearing clothes.… https://t.co/rd0yOpheSi— Anbara Salam (@Anbara Salam)1584352323.0
Why would he not bring a towel‽‽
Oh well, at least she was rescued. It's over.
Haha, just kidding!
The horror has only just begun.
Apparently the only way out of the fire escape is to fully LEAVE THE BUILDING. So I'm cowering on the edge of the p… https://t.co/mj0jRVOYYi— Anbara Salam (@Anbara Salam)1584352323.0
I now have an out of body experience. A shame black out. I have reached my max. I go fully through embarrassment an… https://t.co/vNumoingJo— Anbara Salam (@Anbara Salam)1584352324.0
I stop crying, drop the washcloth, shoulders back, head high, follow him along the street, past ppl parking their c… https://t.co/OpQrVlNFcR— Anbara Salam (@Anbara Salam)1584352324.0
Untouchable.
A bold assertion. Let's see how that works out for her.
(Spoiler alert: it works out terribly.)
Reception is BUSY. So busy he has to yell at ppl to make way so I can get through the crowd. The guy explains (I'm… https://t.co/ElhDdn495R— Anbara Salam (@Anbara Salam)1584352324.0
The receptionist asks me for ID. I am wearing only a lobster. Where, friends, where would I be keeping my fucking I… https://t.co/lruzVVcvqv— Anbara Salam (@Anbara Salam)1584352325.0
Ten minutes later when I run sobbing into a towel and find my bf in the café he has the AUDACITY to be grumpy becau… https://t.co/a3AhZ48Rda— Anbara Salam (@Anbara Salam)1584352325.0
At the beginning of all of this, Anbara mentioned that she was hoping her story could serve as a palette cleanser.
Folks, Twitter is feeling so cleansed right now.
@anbara_salam Oh Anbara, I don't know you but I love you. Just had my first actual laugh out loud moment in days. I… https://t.co/0r62vryg1N— Sally (@Sally)1584395466.0
@anbara_salam I was reading this out loud to my husband and we couldn’t finish it. We were both in tears. Had to… https://t.co/Rjqm7rukNP— Patri (@Patri)1584415932.0
@daire_shaw tbh.. yes. Trial by lobster.— Anbara Salam (@Anbara Salam)1584376770.0
@anbara_salam That man who found you could've given you his jacket or shirt. All kinds of people should've done tha… https://t.co/IORtK1Rs2d— Larsen B (@Larsen B)1584371412.0
@CauveryMadhavan I had to give it back bc it wouldn't fit through the turnstiles 😂— Anbara Salam (@Anbara Salam)1584368506.0
@anbara_salam @CauveryMadhavan This is the detail that broke me. 😂 Thank you for your sacrifice.— Carrie (@Carrie)1584368959.0
This was epic.
In a perfect world this thread would reunite her with the kind old lobster lady. We know that probably won't happen but we're still holding out hope.
Anbara, we salute you.
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