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The Dumbest Things People Have Ever Said While Being Completely Serious

Reddit user Audibud asked: 'What’s the dumbest thing someone’s ever said to you with complete seriousness?'

man pointing at camera
Adi Goldstein on Unsplash

Have you ever heard someone say something completely devoid of logic, but you almost admire their conviction?

Like the Jewish space laser or flat Earth people who spout ridiculous nonsense while being completely oblivious to how idiotic it sounds.

Or the Earth is 6,000 years old and dinosaurs lived with modern humans?

Reddit user Audibud asked:

"What’s the dumbest thing someone’s ever said to you with complete seriousness?"

Well, Dam...

"I used to work at a CONCRETE dam."

"I've been asked 3 different times if it is a man-made dam by people who were looking at the dam."

~ Reddit

"Maybe the beavers took a learning annex course?"

~ RealityTimeshare

GIF by San Diego Zoo Wildlife AllianceGiphy

Then Who Was In The Old Testament?

"Visited a historic site with a friend when the guide told us it was Neolithic—older than Christ."

"My friend was shocked that people existed before Christ. She’s a nurse."

~ My_Name_Is_Amos

Feel The Burn

"A not-fit coworker said he didn't need to do cardio because he drank coffee and energy drinks. Because those things made his heart beat faster, and that's all that cardio is, so he doesn't need to exercise."

"Completely and totally serious to the point that he absolutely could not understand why people waste their time running, because energy drinks exist."

~ WatchTheBoom

cardio GIFGiphy

Does Toto Know?

"That he didn't believe Africa was real."

~ Sea_Lingonberry3865

"The f*ckin' rains down there got BLESSED, and people still don't believe it's real?"

~ FulminDerek

So Are They Vegetables Or Minerals?

"I'm sure I've heard something more dumb, but someone once said to me, 'Snakes aren't animals. They're lizards'."

When I told him that snakes and lizards are both reptiles and reptiles are animals he said, 'Clearly you haven't done your research'."

"I have a degree in biology."

~ EmergencySriracha

snake GIF by Nature on PBSGiphy

Salmonella Isn't On The Menu

"When I was still in the restaurant industry, someone ordered a turkey burger, medium rare. I explained that we have to serve the turkey burger fully cooked, due to it being poultry."

"'But it’s a burger'."

"'Yes, but it’s a patty made out of poultry'."

"'So why is it on the burger menu?'."

"'Well, it even says on the menu that our turkey burgers are cooked well done'."

"'But your burgers are cooked to order'."

"'Yes, our beef patties are cooked to order. Turkey burgers need to be fully cooked'."

"She begrudgingly relented. Then complained to my then-manager that I’m an idiot."

~ GreenChorizo

OK, Mom

"Mom heard on the news that Mars was going to be close enough to Earth to see with the naked eye."

"A couple of evenings later she pointed up at the sky and said, 'Is that Mars?'."

"'That's the moon, Mom'."

"'Are you sure?'."

"'Very much so'."

"She's not suffering from dementia. She's just oblivious."

~ FrogInYerPocket

Don't The Cows Mind?

"My elderly mother told me that 90% of Wisconsin is covered by cement."

~ OneMoose9

"True. The other 10% is covered by cheese."

~ battleoffish

cows GIFGiphy

English Measurements Are Tricky

"I asked someone how tall he was and he said, '5 foot 12 inches'."

"I chuckled, but he didn’t mean it as a joke."

~ Altruistic-Brick-510

"I've actually said that. I was going to say 5'11"."

"It was just an estimate and at the last second, while it was about to come out of my mouth, I decided the estimate was too low so I added another inch and my brain didn't carry the 1."

~ vawlk

Robot Romance

"Mom once told teenage me that getting an internal ultrasound meant that a robot took my virginity."

"I think she cried over this."

~ Educational-Mobile94

"I mean I'm sorry you have to live with this person as your mother, but this is the funniest one so far."

"I hope she was at least relieved that you didn't get pregnant with cyborg babies from your robo-fling."

~ 24KittenGold

Terminator GIFGiphy

Warning Labels

"'How was I supposed to know the strawberry açaí had strawberries in it?' after giving it to somebody allergic to strawberries."

~ oh-fish-ial

"This is why jars of peanut butter have a warning label that says 'Contains peanuts'."

~ MechanicalHorse


"An old ex, when I confronted him about his clashing outfit, told me he doesn’t know because he isn’t a fascist."

"I asked him what he meant, and he said 'you know, someone who is into fashion'."

"My dad couldn’t stand him and thought this was the funniest thing ever."

~ bitysis

"My old boss, after he got fired, had 'I understand all fascists (should be facets) of technology' on his LinkedIn page."

"We all got a big laugh."

~ vawlk

Princess Bride GIF by Disney+Giphy

Has He Been Drinking The Water?

"'No need to worry about lead contamination in our drinking water—we boil it before we drink it', said by my boss at an office based in an old Victorian school building in the UK."

"I took it up with HR in the end, and my boss was FURIOUS with me about it."

"I even attempted to explain why you can't boil lead out of water, but got labelled a troublemaker for it."

"I left soon after."

~ penguinsfrommars

Shrink Rays, Maybe?

"Someone told me that drones were an extreme security threat, which is a fine argument to make—as long as you have the evidence to back it up."

"But then he instantly followed up with the comment: 'But how do the spies fit inside the drones? These drones have to be pretty big to fit the people inside'."

"This had me dumbfounded."

~ Guilty-Scale-1079

"Plot twist: The government uses squirrels."

~ Bjorn2bwilde24

squirrel GIFGiphy

A Quarter Is Even Harder

"My cousin once asked 'where do astronauts land when it’s only half a moon?'."

~ Hollychanel

We've probably all had momentary brain blips when we forget basic information. But some people make it a habit.

What's the funniest example you've heard?