an Oh Myyy Property

Relationships are hard. Believe it or not, love often means having to say you're sorry. It's essential to the growth and maintenance of the relationship. It's also how a relationship can come back from the brink of demise.


u/rainbowcake12 asked Reddit:

When did you ALMOST end things with your SO/spouse, and how did you fix your relationship? [Serious]

Here were some answers.



Tell Mom To Get Out

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She couldn't say no to her mom. Also her mom suuuuucked. She was super controlling and pretty emotionally and verbally abusive, calling her a whore and a failure pretty regularly. Now this was a girl who was prim and proper with a 4.0 GPA and it wasn't good enough. She was so used to having to her mom because any hint of disobedience meant days of verbal abuse and it just wasn't worth the hassle to her. I tried everything to help, from upping her self esteem to arguing with her mom myself to trying to give her more s*** then her mom when she didn't stand up for herself.

Ironically, getting married solved all our problems. Her mom tried to take control of the wedding plans and she just snapped I guess because she was even more confrontational than me. The first time was over a veil. She's really not into the whole idea of "giving your daughter away" and hated a veil because of it. Her mom wanted a traditional wedding and demanded she wear a veil. My SO went off on her like nothing I had ever seen from her and every time since then she has never been afraid to stand up for herself, even if she does have to some small things. I'm so proud of her.

Next stop, making Christmas not traumatic anymore.

The_Tin_Can_Man

The Tornado Was A Godsend

Here's a story about my old roommate. He was dating this girl for a while, and it just wasn't working out. He told me one night that he was dreading it but he was going to break up with her. The next night a tornado knocked our house down and he was forced to move in with her. I guess they were forced to work through all of their issues, because he married her the following year and has never been happier.

Yeahyeahsout

Actually Try

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I had decided it was over before it began. I had dated this woman in high school and we had broken up. She and I were close off and on after. She always wanted to get back together but I was adamant about being on my own. I had horribly toxic friends who liked to make fun of her and being the spineless man I was I kept her distant.

I had one friend who kept a little pressure on me to be better. He pushed me to try again because he saw I wanted to. So with his help our relationship began again. Unfortunately I had it in my head that we would give it a try for a few months and then I would break it off. I don't know why I never considered it would just work.

Finally I mentioned it to my boss who also happened to be a friend who knew us both that I didn't think it would work but I was giving it a try. He just looked at me funny and said "Well why would it automatically not work? Have you considered trying?" I didn't know what to say. I just spent some time thinking and realized even if it didn't work, I needed to actually try. And it has been the best choice I've made. We have had rough patches but we are going nearly 6 years strong at this point and I plan on proposing here soon.

Poclionmane

So Far Away

The long distance over three years was starting to get to me. We wanted to be together, but it seemed like she wasn't really trying hard to find a job where I lived at the time and there were not really any jobs in my pretty specific scope of IT available where she lived. Turned out she also only liked a specific type of job in her field.

It didn't help that I had met someone where I was living that I started to have feelings for and I'm pretty sure she liked me too.

At one point I tried to break it off with my SO... she could hear it in my voice before I could get the words out.. it was really difficult.. but she pleaded with me not to end it. So I didn't break it off with my SO.. stuck it out a little longer and got a job where she was living a few months later.

Now we're married with a couple of kiddos and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

grilledcheez_samich

Think Before You Drink

I drank too much. I was never abusive, emotionally or verbally (the thought of hurting her makes me sick) But we lived apart for a year while I was finishing undergrad and she was in her first year of medical school. My drinking had apparently gotten to the point where my friends were concerned enough to contact her about it. She had no idea how much or little I was drinking at the time, other than what my friends' had told her and what I had told her.

She called me up one night and tearfully said I needed to get help or she couldn't be with me. I stopped drinking altogether for a while and saw a therapist for a few months, and that seemed to make her happy.

At the time I didn't think, and still don't think, I was an alcoholic or even close to being one, but being able to speak to a therapist and work out some of my other issues was helpful for us in the long run.

plasticCashew

Untold Stress

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There's been a few times where he hasn't communicated with me about work stress or how he's feeling about specific situations, and would get these really bad moods where he would shut me out, or snap at me over little things.

We'd argue and eventually go off into separate rooms. He stews things over, I process and try to see it from his point of view. I'd then go and talk to him and stay calm when he'd get angry again. Eventually my staying calm, calms him and he'll open up.

Now I've learnt the warning signs, so I don't get angry with him, I'm also more confident and trusting in our relationship, we've been together nearly 6 years, are buying a house and planning on getting married. I know he loves me, I don't have the insecurities from my past anymore (abusive ex), so when he does get a mood I ask him about his day, and listen (even though I don't understand much about his work) or I'll set up the good tv with whatever game he's currently playing and chill some beers in the fridge. When he's ready he'll talk it through with me. I don't push it anymore but I also don't let him stew to the point he explodes.

I come from a family that is very close and everyone knows everyone's business to a certain extent. My OH's family are very reserved in comparison, we've had to learn each others quirks from being raised so differently.

nose_ina_book

It's Not A Real Problem

I almost did once (years ago) when we were dating because I just couldn't get her to leave me tf alone every now and then. I thought she was too clingy. Sometimes I felt like she lacked any common sense and it bothered the hell out of me.

To be honest, at the time I didn't break up with her because I was too scared that it was a mistake. I brought it up with her that I was pretty unhappy and I subconsciously wanted her to end it. I knew she wouldn't, because she wasn't that type of person. She was 100% committed to me regardless of whether or not I was having doubts.

I think that's what turned it around. I realized that she had her faults just like anyone else, but it's hard to hate that kind of commitment. It was completely and utterly my own problem, and I got over it. I really just needed to analyze my expectations for other people.

That being said, my relationship was and is a good one. We don't have serious compatibility issues. There were no major roadblocks to us being together. I understand that many relationships don't have that benefit. But in my case, I just had to realize what I had.

Ovvr9000

Anxiety As A Roadblock

My BF and I are actually still working on it. We have been temporary breaking up once for less than a month and then there were times when we nearly broke up.

The problem is my intense social anxiety. It got to the point where I just stopped going to restaurants because I would then be forced to interact with the waiting staffs. It makes my working life a constant stress, so much that I feel like I am going to die out of stress or heart attack any time soon. It strains my relationship with my BF because it hurts him so much seeing me like this. However him acting as my caretaker or minder has killed his romantic feelings towards me. He wants a strong, assertive and indepedent kind of woman...and right now I am none of those.

I have been going to therapy for several months now and amping up on physical exercise and some extreme sports. I hope to see a more positive result someday in the future (preferably soon).

EvenCompany

Priorities

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My wife got blackout drunk at our house warming party, and ended up kissing my best friend's wife. She didn't remember anything the next morning, and had no idea why I was extremely angry with her. When I explained what happened, she cried, and I needed space. We had just moved into a rental home together, and it was tough for a while. That also wasn't the first time her drunkenness got on my nerves. She locked my friend and I out on the balcony for 15 minutes when she blacked out when it was about 30 degrees outside thinking it was funny. Luckily her friend opened up the door later. I gave her an ultimatum that she had to stop drinking heavily, or else I'd walk. Thankfully she did, and two years later we got married.

Ksn0

Balance

I just admitted to my husband last weekend that this story was the first time I ever questioned if we were in for a troubled marriage:

My husband kept telling me he wanted to remodel the basement. I told him "sure", thinking that we'd get serious about it sometime soon, but obviously we need a plan, budget, etc.

Shortly after, on a cold February night, we're sitting on the basement couch drinking wine when my husband says "Hey, can you help me load up the truck?" I'm like, "Huh, what are we loading?" He says, "The couch. I'm going to take it to the dump tomorrow!".

I was so confused. I'm like "The couch we're sitting on now?" He says "yeah. we're going to remodel the basement, right?"

Coincidentally, he ended up sleeping on the couch that night. It turned into a pretty big fight and I was *seriously* freaked out over how impulsive he was willing to act over something that is so time consuming and expensive. I'm a serious planner and I'm very strategic. For about 2 weeks, I was horrified. Now I realize that we balance each other out in this regard!

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When you know your kids backwards and forwards, this is the best tool in your arsenal.

Getting our kids to listen to us is not always the easiest of tasks. They're willful and stubborn, but we've got a mighty weapon they are rarely prepared for: reverse psychology. Getting them to convince themselves to want to do something against their own initial intentions takes some work and a whole lot of creativity, but a little sneaky manipulation goes a long way. Here are some clever parents' tricks that are definitely worth taking notes on.

Redditor u/LeanderD Asks:

Parents of reddit, what's your best example of reversed psychology on your kids that actually worked?

He Floated His Idea Through A Back Channel

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Wanted to name my boat. Anything I would think of was dismissed as stupid by my 13 year old son. After deciding on a name, I confided to a male friend my son liked. Made my friend suggest the name as though it was his idea. My son thought the name was perfect. Done.

calypsodweller

We Always Want What We Can't Have

One of my best friends through childhood used to be punished with no salad if she misbehaved. She cherishes salad now and would always try to eat as much as possible during school lunch. Coincidentally, her now husband used to be punished with no books, it had the same effect. I think it's hilarious that they'd be hitting the salad bar and library like some black market their narc parents couldn't reach hahaha.

cookiearthquake

A Deceit That's A Cut Above The Rest

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Don't know if this counts, but, at my high school (private, boys only) in the 1960's, they made a big deal about how long your hair was, and would occasionally order a boy to go home and "get a haircut".

I thought it was stupid, until years later, a master confided to me at a reunion that the policy was deliberate. The school figured we'd spend so much energy rebelling about hair length, that we would ignore other aspects of teenage rebellion. (Not?) Surprisingly, they were mostly right.

FrankDrakman

Damn! That's smart. Wow.

fangxx456

Oh they don't like long hair?

I'll show them. I'll grow my hair out as lon- what?! No I don't want to go "party"? I gotta try out this horse shampoo.

DankeyKang11

The Forbidden Book

Hi I was a victim,

There was a forbidden book that I was not allow to read on the shelf. My parents said I could only read it if I behave myself.

It was summer holidays and I was playing games all day (after 6 hrs of summer homework). One day I was home alone and had the opportunity to grabbed it. I read like half of it in one go. It was 5000 years of Chinese history.

Safe to say I was bamboozled.

oddstodd

Flowers Of The Queen

My parents always told me my broccoli were the flowers of the queen and that I really shouldn't eat them, or else the queen would get very upset! I, of course, ate the whole broccoli in a few seconds.

Subwoofy

I'm telling the queen and she's gonna be pissed

draculacletus

Sleeping Beauty

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I taught my kids when they were toddlers that no amount of yelling, shaking or hitting can wake a sleeping adult. The only thing that works is a gentle hug and/or a nice kiss on the cheek.

Edit: Probably needed some more details for the reverse psychology aspect to be clear. It went something like this - Step one, tell the kids I'm going to sleep and nothing they do will wake me (head buried face down is the safest position). Step two, after the initial onslaught dies down pretend to awaken on your own. Tell them you got a bit of nap left in you and nothing can wake you, especially not hugs and kisses.

DrMethusael

Holy sh*t...if my daughter woke me up like this I would buy her a pony.

All-Seeing_Elon

I am saving this comment because this will save lives if I ever have kids, stg.

smerter

A Walk In Someone Else's Shoes.

Split custody with my ex. When my son was around 10, he visited two weekends a month. I was waiting tables and didn't have a huge amount to spend, but he was so needy from divorce (and I'm not blaming him, it was ugly), he begged constantly for MORE when he was with me. Whatever more was, it didn't matter... he'd be eating ice cream cone and begging for teriyaki.

I finally realized that he just felt empty, and getting MORE whatever from me wasn't filling him up. His next visit I handed him $100 in cash and told him it was our food/fun budget for 3 days and two nights, and he was in charge of it. I bought him his own wallet to carry. We figured out how many times we were going to eat and what we were going to do, and he paid. He got to keep whatever money he had left...thought he was rich...then realized just how much everything cost. Well. Shoe on other foot then. If we had no money for food, we ate leftovers - and I didn't contribute more to pot. After a few weekends of running short or not getting something he actually wanted because he was foolish with funds, he started to really think about how to spend that money. He budgeted and kept to his budget. And a few times he actually went home with a little cash for his private stash.

Many years later, he thanked me for this. It really changed the way he thought about money and love.

Augumenti

This Is Worth Giving A Shot

Took my 3 year old son to one of those doctor's visits where he was going to get a shot. He was worried about the shot on the whole drive over, almost to the point of tears. We get to the doctor's office and a nurse subtly lets me know that my son is not just scheduled for 1 shot, but 5 of them in the same visit.

I turn to my son with an exaggerated smile and tell him, "Good news! They figured out how to take that one big shot you were going to get and instead break it up into these 5 little tiny shots so it won't hurt nearly as much!"

You could see the relief wash over his face. He stopped squirming and relaxed completely. He took the first shot and even smiled and said "It's true! The small ones don't hurt!"

We actually made it through the third shot before the effect wore off and reality kicked in. Still... I counted it as a victory.

blackbird77

Put This To The Taste

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My mom would tell me she only lets me eat soup after candy and she'd only buy me candy that i didn't like. After a few times, i stopped trying and begged her to let me eat soup first. She gave me a smirk and told me go ahead. This doesn't sound as evil as it was. But trust me i suffered.

turkeypr0

So what was the candy?

Poster_Main

Mint chocolate, raisins, stuff like that. I still hate them to this day. Who the f--- thought while eating chocolate "hmm id like some tooth paste with this."

turkeypr0

This is Truckin' Awesome

Mum had sworn a bit around the house.

When 4, while out at the supermarket, I said F word really loudly.

Very quickly and intently, she asked if I had just said "Truck" and said that was a bad word and not to ever say Truck like that again.

I thought that was the bad word so used that when being naughty.

GodOfTheThunder

The "Silly Mom" Routine

The "Silly Mom" routine.

My kid, and a few other kids I've known, would balk at getting ready to go. I'd grab their clothes and say, "Well, if you won't put on your clothes, I guess I'll put on your clothes. Cute shirt, by the way! Does it go on my foot?"

NO!

"Does it go on my head?"

NO! IT GOES ON ME!

"Oh, that's right, thanks! So, it must go on your legs, right?"

NO!

"I just can't figure this out! Where does this adorable shirt go?"

[kid grabs shirt and puts it on] ON MY TUMMY! SILLY MOM!

"Oh, thank you so much! Now what about these pants? Shirts go on tummies, so...the pants go on the tummy, too, right?"

NO!

[continue until kids have dressed themselves]

I would also do things like hand the kid my keys and say, "Alright, you're driving, I'll sit in the booster seat in back," attempt to feed the kid by putting a spoon up to his ear or his belly button, and attempt to put away his toys in the refrigerator.

insertcaffeine

Some Foot For Thought.

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My mum would always yell at us "if you don't do X, you have to go to bed without socks!"

I never wore socks anyway, and I'm ashamed to admit that this worked.

Splittsky

That would work really well on my son, or make him cry for a really long time... He's 3 and over the last few weeks has decided that he is fully unable to sleep without socks on.

PJQueen

Toddlers man. Completely unpredictable.

SheaRVA

I'm Greens With Envy

My mum had a friend that would put vegetables on her own plate and not the kids.

When the kids asked she would be reluctant to share, "that's grown up food. But I suppose I can let you have a little."

Her kids grew up loving vegetables.

I sat at the dinner table for 3 hours staring at the yucky cauliflower I refused to eat.

laik72

This reminds me of an instance when my child convinced my wife and myself to change our plans for dinner. We were in a grocery store to pick up something quick and easy to eat that we wouldn't have to prepare. Our daughter, wanted none of that, she demanded that she wanted a salad from the salad bar. We started to argue back, but then realized: "Our child demands that we feed her vegetables for dinner instead of a microwaved meal, why are we saying 'No?'"

We had salad for dinner that night.

Galaxy_Ranger_Bob

The Power Of Choice

I don't so much know if you would call it reverse psychology, but I didn't realize it until my dad told me this.

When there were chores that needed doing, he noticed if he asked me to mow the lawn, I would complain and procrastinate. But if he asked would I rather mow the lawn or wash the windows, I'd pick one and just get it done.

Shattered my brain when he told me when I was in my twenties. I use it when I'm coaching or baby sitting all the time and it almost never fails.

AppealToReason16

The Boy Who Cried 'Ouch'

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I've done this one with tens of kids. Any time a kid gets "hurt" (falls down on grass, gets gently hit in the face with a ball, etc.) instead of stopping the activity to pick the kid up and see if they're ok you just scoot them off to the side and resume. Within 10 seconds of not getting all the attention and seeing the fun is resuming they pop right back up and are magically healed.

This of course is only for the "injuries" that aren't actually injuries.

pedanticProgramer

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