Far-right Republican Lavern Spicer, who is running for Congress in Florida, has been trying to make hay on Twitter lately by complaining about the practice of announcing one's gender pronouns.
Key word: trying.
Spicer has been in overdrive trying to mock the practice of providing one's pronouns by asserting what she thought was a smoking gun but was actually a wildly embarrassing faceplant: her bizarre claim that pronouns don't exist in the Constitution.
Of course, if you just think back to your middle school civics and social studies classes, you'll remember that a pronoun is literally the first word of the Constitution.
I mean...
\u201cNobody tell her that "We the people..." begins with a pronoun.\u201d— John Fugelsang (@John Fugelsang) 1658893573
Spicer tweeted simply:
"There are no pronouns in the Constitution."
Her plain-spoken confidence is pretty bold since the first phrase of the document is "We the people of the United States" and the pronouns we, he, and they all appear countless times throughout it.
Of course, we all know what Spicer was driving at--no one announced their gender markers in the Constitution, which is true enough.
But it's not like the Constitution was a personal manifesto that–had it been written in 2022–would read, "I, James Madison (he/him), in order to form a more perfect union..." It's a document written for and in the voice of a collective nation. Hence why "we" was used. Pretty simple stuff!
Announcing your gender pronouns also wasn't a thing back in 1787--nor was talking about the practice on Twitter for that matter, but that certainly hasn't stopped Spicer from bloviating on that app all day every day.
Anyway, Spicer really seems to have a bee in her bonnet about pronouns--however she defines them.
Spicer's tweet about the Constitution came after an equally absurd attempt to make the same claim about the Bible, which she subsequently deleted following blowback and replaced with a tweet clarifying that Jesus Christ never used pronouns.
\u201cJesus Christ never introduced himself using pronouns.\u201d— Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8 (@Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8) 1658863169
But Bible verses like John 18:6 quote him as saying "I am he," and he repeatedly referred to himself as "Son of God," "Son of Man" and "King of the Jews"--all gendered phrases.
And nobody in the Bible is more hung up on their gender pronouns than God Himself--not only is God referred to as He, Him, and His throughout the book but it's also capitalized just to make sure you're absolutely clear he--sorry, He--is not a she, lest there be any confusion.
Anyway, Twitter had a field day educating Spicer about the basic rudiments of English grammar, the Constitution, and the Bible that she somehow seems to have missed.
\u201c@lavern_spicer We is the first word and a pronoun. \n\nHe is a pronoun that appears 28 times in the Constitution. \n\nMaybe it's time you look up WTF a pronoun is.\u201d— Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8 (@Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8) 1658862733
\u201c@lavern_spicer The Constitution is *full* of pronouns. \n\nBut do you know what you'll *never* find in it? The proper noun "Jesus."\u201d— Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8 (@Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8) 1658862733
\u201c@lavern_spicer Pronoun occurences in the US Constitution:\nPersonal;\nWe - 2\nThey - 12\nTheir - 20\nThem - 6\nThemselves - 1\nHe - 23\nHis - 6\nOur - 4\nOurselves - 1\n\nDemonstrative;\nThis - 18\nThat - 16\nThose - 4\u201d— Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8 (@Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8) 1658862733
\u201c@lavern_spicer Amazing how y'all get SO stuck on this. It's pronouns. We've always had them. Not everything is a "thing".\u201d— Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8 (@Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8) 1658862733
\u201c@lavern_spicer Literally the first word in the Constitution. The very first word.\u201d— Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8 (@Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8) 1658862733
\u201c@lavern_spicer Ma\u2019am you used he/him pronouns for him 4 times in one tweet\u201d— Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8 (@Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8) 1658863169
\u201c@lavern_spicer he/him/holy spirit\u201d— Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8 (@Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8) 1658863169
\u201c@lavern_spicer \u201cI am He.\u201d\n - John 18:6\n\n\u201cI told you that I am He.\u201d\n - John 18:8\n\n\u201cI am He.\u201d\n - Matthew 26:64\n\n\u201cTake courage, I am he, be not afraid.\u201d\n - Mark 6:50\n\nHe says it, in fact, over 3x dozen times.\n\nTry again.\u201d— Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8 (@Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8) 1658863169
\u201c@QasimRashid @lavern_spicer Don't confuse her with facts. She has stated here that she has NEVER used a pronoun in her life, all while repeatingly saying "I". \ud83d\ude02\ud83d\ude02\ud83d\ude02\ud83e\udd2d\ud83d\ude33\u201d— Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8 (@Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8) 1658862733
\u201c@lavern_spicer Hi from the UK, apparently you are unfamiliar with your Constitution - allow me to help.\nWhat kind of word is the first word in the image below?\u201d— Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8 (@Lavern Spicer \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8) 1658862733
Of course none of this even registered to Spicer, who simply cast the blowback as attacks by the "liberal mob" for "standing against their wild agenda" and then tweeted yesterday that her pronouns are "KISS MY BLACK A**"
frozen GIF by Walt 
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