2020 is on a whole other level of intense, folks. We don't just mean that in a sociopolitical sense, environmental sense, global health sense—we've all watched those disasters play out.
It seems like for a lot of people, 2020 has been a disaster on a personal level as well. It's certainly taken a turn for the dramatic for one woman, who had to turn to Reddit for advice after her best friend's husband hit her with a serious game-changer of a phone call.
He called to tell her that her husband has been having an affair with his wife; her best friend. Not only that, but that affair means that the best friend's four year old—a child this woman has watched grow up—is her husband's.
Also, both women are currently pregnant.
Paternity of best friend's unborn child is now a serious question.
"I [30F] just found out my husband [32M] might be the father of my best friend's [34F] child [4F]. What the hell do I do now?"
"Yesterday I received a call from my best friend's (Amy) husband (Paul) claiming my husband was the father of her four-year-old daughter (Kim). He said they got into an argument and she blurted out that Kim isn't his daughter and that Kim regularly spends time with her 'real dad.' He snooped and found out her dad was my husband. I'm so shocked and angry, I don't know what to do."
"Paul claims he has evidence of their ongoing long-term affair and he would like to meet up with me to show me it. I don't know if I should go. Especially as he wants me to meet him alone at his house. A part of me wishes he'd never told me."
"I asked him to send me something over text first because I honestly didn't believe him and he sent me a blurry video of Amy having sex with someone. She was moaning my husband's name, but you couldn't really tell if it was him in it because it was so dark. He sent me a few texts between them too, I wish I could unread them. I feel numb and sick."
"I haven't confronted my husband yet, I don't even have the energy to do that. He noticed something was off when he got home and asked me if I was okay, but I just shrugged it off and told him I was going to sleep. He decided to work from home today because he was worried I wasn't feeling well. I wish he hadn't."
"To make things worse me and Amy are both pregnant. I'm 5 months and she's 7 months. Paul claims that baby is also my husband's. He said he was planning to sue my husband for all of the money he spent raising his child and Amy was planning to put him on child support. He said he was warning me in advance so I could apply before her. They're going to get a divorce."
"I just can't believe he would do this. I just keep hoping Paul will text me saying it was all a joke. Amy keeps texting me telling me she's sorry, I've ignored her so far but I want to rage at her."
"I don't know what I'm going to do if we get a divorce. I don't think I can raise my baby alone."
"I feel dumb for posting this but I have no idea what I should do… Shall I just pretend I don't know?"
"TL;DR – My best friend's husband claims heir four-year is my husband's and that the baby she is currently pregnant with is also his. I'm also pregnant. I haven't confronted him. What do I do now?"
Or is it?
It took a while for the original poster to get through the comments, but she did provide us with an update and a few comments before going quiet again.
"I spoke to Amy. Turns out my husband isn't the person she's been having an affair with. When she told Paul he just assumed it had to be my husband because of the name. She said he went berserk, and she was too scared to correct him. Her and Kim are safe at her mother's house. I told her about him wanting me to come to their house and she warned me not to so."
"She apologized for involving me in her drama and for her husband mistakenly causing me to worry."
"No, she never showed me proof and no I haven't spoken to my husband yet (I will soon). I don't know if I believe her, I just added the info because I was getting a lot of messages to update."
Reddit users had a whole lot to say on this one. Most people aren't buying the best friend's story that she is having an affair with a man who has the same name as husband. There are also some major safety concerns about meeting bestie's husband alone in a private home.
Whatever OP chooses to do, everyone pretty much agrees a paternity test is the easiest way to answer questions across the board.
"OP from your edit it seems like you're taking what your best friend is saying to you as being truthful because the alternative would be too devastating to deal with. I believe you waited too long and now Amy and your husband have concocted a story to save themselves from any repercussions regarding you. You are too vulnerable or numb to look at the situations clearly."
"I say check the phone records, reach out to Paul ask for tangible proof, if you don't want to meet up in private then you could meet up in a grocery store parking lot or a park or at his job. From what I've seen people usually gather proof of infidelity before they confront their spouses and then submit the info to their lawyer."
"Paul very well could have this proof but doesn't want to tip his whole hand to his wife but is willing to warn you. There are too many holes within Amy's explanation and I don't know how you can go the rest of life with this doubt just being the elephant in the room." - Black2108
"Text Paul and ask for the phone number Amy has been texting with. Ask your husband for his phone and go through it. I mean it kind of sounds like it is not your husband, but that is a quick way to figure it out." - trump_politik
"I've read this post and comments a few times and the updates. As an outsider I believe she is lying and your husband has asked her to lie to cover him. That makes him worse honestly that he thinks he can just cover up so easily and carry on."
"No matter what they both say to you, you should demand a DNA test on the child and new baby when it comes. If I am proved wrong AWESOME! I would be very happy for you but it smells so fishy I would be surprised 😮" - jenniannet
"OP, this just sounds so weird. From your post, comments, and update the information just doesn't connect. Paul: how long have you known him? Does he have a history of violence or domestic abuse? How was his relationship with Amy prior to this?"
"Amy: She is the one sounding the most shady at this point. Is she known for being dramatic or lying? Has she ever expressed anything negative in her relationship?"
"Your Husband: do you trust him? Has he done anything in the past that made you suspect he was hiding something from you?"
"Let's go over some scenarios."
"Paul is right and Amy is lying: If Paul is right and Amy was sleeping with your husband (for over 4 years minimum) then your husband might be either an Oscar caliber actor or part sociopath. Paul would have said lots of things while angry at Amy and I can guarantee that he said he's taking her and your husband to court. Amy would have definitely said something to your husband before even talking to you. Your husband is acting completely normal and almost oblivious to this whole thing... doesn't add up"
"Amy is right and Paul is scary: Your husband would be in the clear but If Paul is a scary dude then why hasn't Amy been more concerned that Paul won't try and intimidate/talk/beat up your husband? Why hasn't she cleared up the confusion on the identity?"
"Both are wrong: They are doing something shady and it's clearly with money. If you are in a much better place financially than them, be cautious."
"Comes down to talk with your husband about this. Show him everything that you received from Paul. You should know within minutes what is really going on. And if he is a cheater then move on. If he is not, then you have your husband by your side and you two can go against Amy and/or Paul." - McWhitey3
"I apologize for the questions, I know you're going through a lot. There's a lot of things in play right now, and your comments and updates are confusing me. Just for clarification."
"A) do you know, conclusively, that your husband and Amy slept together? COULD he have been Kim's father? Do they look alike?"
"B) do you know, conclusively, that your husband and Amy sexted and sent photographs? Have you seen any?"
"C) How did Paul (Amy's husband) connect your husband specifically as the father or Kim? Did Amy say that? How does he KNOW this? Do you husband and Kim look alike? Did Amy admit to this?"
"D) Is Amy seeing not just your husband but a third, unnamed man? In your update, is the hypothetical third unnamed man the man Paul mistook for your husband?"
"E) I know you say "I have no proof".. have you looked? At your husband's phone? What have you given away to him so far? You say you haven't confronted him-- has Paul confronted him yet?"
"F) Have you requested DNA on Kim yet?" - Misternizz
"I know it's hard to right now because of Covid but meet Paul in a public place like a park. It sounds like he might have anger issues and you don't want to meet him alone. Talk to Amy and see what she has to say. Don't confront your husband yet, paternity test Amy's child first. If he has cheated on you gather all the evidence and have it ready for your attorney so you can file for divorce and child support." - razzleberryrain
"First of all, you need real concrete evidence before you decide what to do considering you're getting two wildly different stories here and very little evidence that proves anything definitive. You don't have any concrete evidence as of now except a blurry video that does not confirm anything and some screenshots that have text messages with a person saved as the same name as your husband's."
"Screenshots of texts with a name attached can be anyone, I have had multiple people in my phone with the same name and not known which person is which until I messaged them saying "Is this Jane Doe or Jane Jones?" It's also entirely possible she has met another person with the same name as your husband, especially if your husband has a common name."
"Even screenshots can be edited to have a number, so you would need to see the phone in person to cross check the number to see if it is indeed your husband's, if the evidence is still there. If all the evidence has been deleted, that's sketchy. I would imagine if she is away from her husband at her mother's, she can very easily use her phone to call and text her lover as she pleases and would not have deleted texts or his number. If she no longer has his number or text history in her phone? That's sketchy."
"The fact that your husband doesn't seem off at all makes it seem like he has no idea what's going on. If Amy was cheating with him, she likely would have told him you know by now, and she is trying to get in touch with you, so why would he pretend nothing is going on? That seems very off to me. He has no reason to act normal if he knows you already know he is supposedly cheating."
"You also never specify if your husband spends time with her daughter, since Amy's husband asserted that her daughter spends a lot of time with her real father. Does Kim ever come over to your house? Do the two of you frequently babysit Kim? While it's possible they could meet elsewhere, this is still worth considering."
"Also, the fact that Paul wants you to meet him alone at his house is SKETCHY AF! You're smart not to do that. There's no way you can know what his intentions are, so you should err on caution here and just not meet him unless it's in a public place. He is in a highly fragile, emotional state right now and you don't know what he might do. He might not do anything at all. But the fact that he is insisting on meeting alone and will not budge on that is really not sitting right with me."
"Additionally, Paul claims Amy is planning to put child support on your husband before you can, which people are saying could be a reason she would lie and want you to believe her lover is not your husband, so she would have dibs on CS before you. It's my understanding that there has to be some sort of proof that the baby is his before she could do so (like a name on a birth certificate or confirmed paternity) so she would need to get a paternity test for both children confirming he is the father before she could do that. That would take time and probably some legal recourse which may be difficult to do during Covid, so I'm hesitant to believe this is her plan or that this would end up working out in her favor, if it is indeed true."
"Furthermore, Amy could have been apologizing for her husband bringing you into her extramarital BS when you have nothing to do with it, causing you a lot of stress while pregnant and potentially ruining your friendship. I know if something like that happened to me and it was all a serious misunderstanding, I would be apologizing profusely and freaking out about it."
"Now, I'm not at all saying Amy is telling the truth. She may very well be full of sh*t and is trying to cover her tracks. That's entirely possible. However, it's also possible that she is telling the truth. You really won't know unless she can show you evidence that it's NOT your husband. A lot of things just aren't adding up, and you need more info before you make a definitive decision about your future."
"There's no harm in contacting a lawyer, documenting your joint finances/assets, getting paternity confirmation of your child, and otherwise getting your ducks in a row in the case that Paul is telling the truth. But overall, this entire thing seems very odd in so many ways and I think you need more information and proof before you can know what's actually going on in your marriage."
"My advice would be to contact Amy and ask to meet with her to "hear her out." Once there, ask to see the messages in her phone to her lover, and find the ones that match the screenshots Paul sent you. Double check the dates and/or time stamps (if applicable) and then check the number in her contacts and cross check it with your husband's number."
"Also check her phone logs for your husband's number. Then ask her to call the lover and put it on speaker so you can hear his voice, since the phone could be a burner phone and may not match your husband's main number. You need extra proof, and surely you would recognize your husband's voice on the phone or even on an outgoing voicemail message."
"DO NOT tell her you want to see the texts, contacts, call logs, or listen in on the phone call until you're there. If you let her know that's what you want before going, she will have time to falsify information and/or get someone else to answer the phone pretending to be her lover. If all of the messages and numbers have been deleted or she refuses to show you her phone and/or call her lover on speaker? Confront your husband from there."
"Good luck, OP. Sorry you're having to go through this at all, but especially while pregnant. Please update us once you know what's really going on." - pileofanxiety
We'll be honest, we have exactly zero idea how we would react in this situation, but one thing is for sure—if the post is real things are going to get a lot messier before they settle. We hope everyone involved has a great support system.
Normally we would turn to our closest friends when things in our life got hard, but this one looks like OP may need to go it alone—or at least with different friends.