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The Funniest Things People Have Ever Overheard In Public

Reddit user Kraven-Hung818 asked: 'What's the strangest or funniest thing you've accidentally overheard in a public place?'

Man cupping his ear listening to something
Larry George II/Unsplash

Life can throw us random moments of comedy when we least expect it when we're out in public.

The things people say that are meant to be heard by someone else like an individual having a disagreement with their significant other, or a kid having a minor meltdown, can be entertaining.

Curious to hear examples of humorous statements not intended for the listener, Redditor Kraven-Hung818 asked:

"What's the strangest or funniest thing you've accidentally overheard in a public place?"

Keep your ears open. You never know when you'll get the giggles.

Truth Of Fiction

"2001, Washington DC, A young couple sitting behind me in a movie theater, waiting to see The Lord of the Rings."

"Woman: Is this, like, a made up thing, or did it really happen?"

"Man: This is real."

– HalfHeartedFanatic

A Hypothetical

"I stepped up to the bar to close a tab and was standing next to a couple who I assumed were on a first date. I was only there long enough to hear the guy say 'I’m not saying I’d do it. Right? I’m not. I’m just saying that I understand - in the right circumstances, like if you were stuck on an island, for like years - why someone would f''k a sheep…”

"If your date said that to you at Cesar’s Killer Margaritas around 2016, I’ve been dying to know how the rest of that conversation went."

– LAX_to_MDW

Lovers' Quarrel

"Him 'You're being such a b*tch, go eat a snickers!' Her 'I'm allergic to peanuts, you a$hole!' Him 'I know!!'"

" Bus stops in my old city almost always seemed to have crazy crap going on."

– Separate-Life4570

Innocent Question

"I'm cruising the fruits and veggies section at the grocery store; 2 female produce department employees are stocking the bananas. One, likely in training at the time, asks the other "Should the greener ones go at the back?" to which the other replies, "It doesn't matter, a banana's a banana, woman!" Right at that moment, a very large man on a motorized scooter with an oxygen tube in his nose comes around the corner and makes it apparent he only heard the last two words of the employees' exchange by shouting, 'What the hell is a banana woman!?'"

"I laughed out loud."

– Darth_Ribbious

Mythical Delight

"At a big jam band show/hippie festival. 'Bro, that wasn't unicorn meat... it was just turkey with glitter!'"

– abbie_yoyo

Hear, Hear

"bartending in the west village one night, two pretty stereotypical finance-type guys are sitting having drinks and one says to the other with the utmost sincerity, 'man, i just want what monica and chandler have. that’s true love!'”

– spit-casually

The Rest Is History

"Sitting in an outdoor area of a cafe with some friends, and a couple of girls walk out of the cafe to where we were sitting."

"One of the girls says 'I’ll f'k the next guy that talks to me.' A friend of mine jumped up and said, 'Hey, how are you doing?' (Ala Joey from Friends).. they’ve been married nearly 10 years."

– Optimal-Talk3663

Kids say the darndest things.

Calling Her Bluff

"I was at the store, and this lady had a small boy who was looking at the candy. He was about 5-6 years old I guess. He wanted some candy, and she said, 'you will get some tomorrow.'"

"To which he replied, 'Bullsh*t.'”

– Infadel71

Potty Talk

"I was on a road trip, stopped at In-N-Out for lunch, and after ordering, I went to use the restroom. I was at the urinal when I heard two little boys (about 5 years old and 8 years old) and their grandpa talking. The older little kid said 'I'm sure glad you came on this trip with us Grandpa.' The grandpa said, 'Yeah, I'm f'king glad too,' and the little boy responded with, 'F'k yeah.' I had to try not to laugh."

– OpportunityGold4597

Mommy's Name

"We were are a pizza place. Sitting at a table were a little girl, her mother, and her grandmother. Apparently, little girl was learning that 'mommy and daddy have real names too' ... but she wasn't getting it."

"So grandma asked, 'What does mommy call daddy?' And the girl just didn't understand. Then grandma asked 'What does daddy call mommy?' And the girl's face lit up -- now she understands! And with a huge smile, she answered that daddy calls mommy 'A**hole.'"

– hymie0

Swallow your coffee before you start reading these.

The Night Before

"On the London tube, in 2019, a Dutch young lady sat next to me. She was clearly on a 'walk of shame', and on the phone, describing, in some detail, last night's sexual endeavours. She was obviously assuming no one could understand what she was saying."

"My family was standing close. By the time she was done recounting how she and her date had made love for eight(!) hours, I asked my oldest daughter, who was standing next to me, whether she wanted to sit. In Dutch 😁."

– FlyLikeAHedgehog

Alarming Profession

"I overheard someone saying 'tell the exorcist I'm on my way.'"

"I turned back to take a pick to who said that . It was a younger lady (40's maybe) and an elder in her 80's, and they were sitting behind me on the subway. Then I face front again and hear in a sort of a whisper 'mom it's not an exorcist it's a therapist.' I couldn't hold my giggles."

– nunnya-business

Comparing Artists

"'John Lennon was a talentless hack. Now Tupac, he could write a song.' Two teenagers on a train, suburban Australia, early 2000s."

– Kickedmetoe

When Dealing With Stealth Warriors

"Two nerds were sitting near me on the subway, and I heard one say to the other, 'I don't care what anyone says -- never trust a ninja.'"

– wipeoutpop

As a former employee of a famous amusement park, I've often heard guests ask workers innocently hilarious questions.

A very frequently asked question is "Where's the bathroom" when they're literally standing in front of the facilities, or my favorite, "What time is the 3 o'clock parade?"

Umm, 3 o'clock.