People in relationships will tell you when a fight does end up happening, it's often over the strangest little things.
One Reddit user took to the popular subReddit "Am I The A**hole?" to see whether he'd done the right thing during a fight with his girlfriend regarding shampoo.
ShotTown2 felt so strongly about the shampoo being too expensive that he threw out his girlfriend's and replaced it with his own. Now, he'd like to know whether he was acting like a jerk.
He titled his story "AITA for pranking my girlfriend to show her she's wasting money?"
"My (27M) girlfriend (25F) is really into what she calls "self-care." We don't live together but I spend the night at her place and have to shower there before work a lot. Whenever I shower there she asks me not to use her shampoo and conditioner and to use the other ones in the shower. I thought this was weird and asked her why the other day."
"She told me she buys custom shampoo! I looked it up and it costs $32 to order!! I think that is such a waste of money and told her that. I've used the stuff and it isn't any different from any other shampoo. I feel like she's being scammed and is just wasting her money on vanity."
"She doesn't agree and I wanted to help her see what I mean. I bought shampoo and conditioner the same color from the brand my mom uses (I think it's called VO5) and replaced the stuff in her bottles. After she showered the other day, I told her how nice her hair looked. She responded 'that's why I use my custom shampoo.'"
"So she proved my point! I told her what I did and she freaked out just because I threw her stuff away and helped her save money. She told me to leave and got really upset and said I made her feel dumb. Now she texted me that she has to reconsider if I'm emotionally mature enough for her."
"She's being crazy but am I an asshole? What does shampoo have to do with emotional maturity? edit: the bottles were already almost empty so i didn't even throw that much away"
Not long after, however, OP returned and seemed to regret his earlier actions.
"edit 2: I've gotten messages from incel type dudes supporting me and telling me I did the right thing. They used vulgar, gross and demeaning language to talk about my girlfriend. If that's the kind of person my actions are resonating with, I am more than willing to accept that I was a major asshole and owe my girlfriend a humongous apology."
"That really showed me how stubborn I was being over such a petty thing and it should not have come to this point. I didn't consider the deeper implications and the way she would feel, you guys really helped me understand the magnitude of what I did. I'm embarrassed and I'm sorry. Thank you for your insightful and mostly kindhearted responses." -ShotTown2
Most Reddit users came out pretty quickly in support of the girlfriend.
"You're The A**hole (YTA). You sound like the kind of guy that uses 3 in 1 shampoo, conditioner and body wash. 'What does shampoo have to do with emotional maturity?' It's not about the shampoo. You were so desperate to prove that she was being 'dumb' that you poured out and wasted the shampoo and conditioner, directly undermining your own point."
"Are you 5 years old? What could you possibly have to gain by doing this? You destroyed something that your girlfriend enjoyed and spent her own money on just to feel superior."
"Also, $32 is not that much for shampoo and conditioner, that's $16 for each one, there's way pricier stuff on the market. She could have a very good reason for not using cheap shampoo. Textured hair, colored hair, chemically treated hair or certain medical conditions all require different treatments and some products could actually ruin her hair if that's the case. All she asked you to do was not use it when you showered and you couldn't even do that."
"You obviously don't respect your girlfriend. Taking care of yourself like an adult isn't being 'vain.' And V05, seriously? I wouldn't use that crap on my dog. edit: op's recent edit accepting judgement was really mature and I respect it a lot. I hope that he can learn from this and potentially repair the damage he's done." -Warm-Mongoose
People all seemed to agree this boyfriend was more interested in being right than making sense.
"YTA. Big time. You want to talk about wasting money? Then you pour shampoo and conditioner out? Good one. Also, her not noticing a difference after using it once doesn't "prove your point," which shows that you know even less about self care than I initially thought you did."
"It's about the long term effects of using quality products over cheap products. Long term, it'll dry out your hair or skin, or take any dyed color away, and eventually make her hair more fragile as well. Let people use and enjoy the things they want, and leave her be." -the-beast561
Many people were also eager to teach OP a little something about hair care.
"Hair has to be conditioned and trained by certain products. For instance, using shampoo/conditioner with sulfates and phosphates for months and then swapping to products that don't for one day won't fix the problems caused by the use. It takes time to reverse the effects of those harsh, unwanted ingredients."
"Just as one use of shampoo/conditioner containing those ingredients after months of using products without them won't immediately ruin your hair. If you were a woman or just into hair care, you might know this. You're definitely TA. You don't know it all, OP." -dancingXnancy
Quality hair care is about continued use.
"As someone with curly hair who doesn't use anything with sulfates or silicones, I can testify that silicones will actually make your hair look bomb if you haven't used them in a while. Frizz goes away for like a week, and then it builds up and your hair gets dry and starts breaking. So maybe her hair did look better, but in a week it would've looked like sh*t." -peachykeen5552
Perhaps OP should be trying some more expensive shampoo.
"My husband was the exact same way when we started dating. After moving in I began buying him nicer stuff (he didn't complain and it was my money.) His skin has improved, he feels better about his appearance, and his hair is softer. He uses lotion on his hands and sometimes says 'feel them! They are so soft now!'"
"And that's nice for me, because rough calloused hands can be a bit painful at times... The biggest point is that he feels better about himself, and that's helped his confidence grow so more people can see the wonderful man I married." -jessdb19
Almost no one came to OP's defense.
"My favourite shampoo is $52 for a little tub. Just the shampoo. It's worth every penny too. This guy disposed of her personal belongings, replaced it with low quality garbage, and then started gaslighting her with shampoo."
"She could've been allergic to something in the other shampoo, so he's lucky she didn't end up with a messed up scalp! One use of a product wouldn't change her hair much, but consistent use would be very likely made a difference over time. Op, YTA no matter what." -synesthesiah
Sorry, OP, it seems you still have a lot to learn in the world of relationships.
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