There's a reason the saying "money is the root of all evil" exists. Money or the prospect of money can make friends and family turn on each other.
So for some, it's easier to keep their financial situation private. But for one woman her sin of omission ruffled her family's feathers. So she turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor anoukdaae asked:
"AITA for letting my family think my husband and I are poor?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My parents have, for a long time, seen me as sort of the mess-up in the family. They love me, but it's clear they pity me."
"Even when I'm excelling in my career, it's clear they don't see a difference between an Executive Chef and a barista at Starbucks."
"A few months ago, there was an issue where my sister tried to say my inheritance [from an adopted great-grandparent] should just go to her because we weren't going to have kids (which wasn't true, we were waiting to save up and buy a house before we have kids) and she has two now that need the money."
"The whole family took her side, but when I explained how she'd had her tuition covered + 4 different cars + two houses + a new roof for the second one all paid for by our parents and on top of that she's got $72k in debt just from her shopping habit—she didn't need the money, she needed a financial advisor, my parents backed off."
"I found out later a big part of why she relented was because she started telling people my husband and I are dirt poor and needed that money."
"I let my whole family keep believing that for the most part, since we are saving and it's better than them thinking we're better off and expecting extravagant gifts from us all the time."
"We live in a shoe box apartment to save money. We mostly only use my car and carpool when we need to travel for work."
"We're pretty set though, and now my husband got a promotion that will help us more."
"The issue is that my mom just moved to our state. I'm no contact (NC) with my sister, and my dad lives out of state."
"My mother just moved here last Saturday and she discovered pretty quickly that we're nowhere near as destitute as my sister made us out to be, and now it's spreading through the grapevine that we started that rumor to get hand outs and leave my sister without."
"We literally never asked for money."
"Just like we never said we were about to be homeless or that we couldn't afford to eat. That was all part of my sister's concoction."
"Sure, I didn't refute it, but that's also because the only real rumor I'd heard was that we were having a 'tough time' and 'needed my inheritance' which was true enough."
"I do feel bad that my mother was worried, apparently, sick over me, but given that she treated my miscarriage in April as something I did to her and left me without a support system—it's hard for me to feel too much guilt about this."
"Am I the asshole here? Or do I just come from a family of Drama Queens?"
The OP returned to clarify a few things.
"The inheritance comes from my adoptive great-grandmother, not either of my parents as they are very much still alive. She left equal amounts for my siblings, cousins, and myself."
"My uncle named all his kids after him so he could take their inheritances, which yes is illegal—that's a separate thing being handled separately. My sister managed to get my other sibling's inheritance when he passed away."
"When she tried to get her hands on mine, she initially told our dad that I said it was okay because it was being held for me in an account of my father's as I didn't want to be tempted."
"He told her he needed to hear it straight from me, and when I told him I had no idea what she was talking about and that I was obviously not okay with it—she made it seem like I'd told her it was fine (no) and that she had been counting on that, that I'd basically screwed her over by 'going back' on that."
"Also, as mentioned in the comments, someone said I should post it here for context, she only started bringing this up a week after my miscarriage, citing that I was just 'never going to have kids'. While we did want to wait and the pregnancy was not planned, it was no less very much wanted and heart breaking."
"She knew how upset I was, and I suspect she thought I would be too beaten down to refute her. That was when I went No Contact with her."
"The reason I left the inheritance information so vague was because that part of this saga is, in my opinion, irrelevant. I already know she's a terrible person."
"I don't need others telling me she's [the a**hole] (TA) there. My question here is purely about whether or not I'm TA for not clarifying my financial status, and I've gotten conflicting answers."
Redditors were asked to vote by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
After some initial feedback the OP added:
"The inheritance, after that last debacle, was transferred directly over to me. I have it in a savings account that we're not touching until we find a house."
"My sister got the same exact amount, but she wasted it on her first house."
"Most comments tell me I was right not to disclose my finances, that if my family really cared they would have reached out as opposed to continuing to spread rumors; but there's a good chunk of you who think I'm TA for not telling them all the rumors weren't true."
"[I don't know] if I'm TA or not, honestly, but I agree that they should have reached out and I don't think it's my job to get involved with that drama just to clarify. If they're inclined to believe that stuff about me without bothering to hear my side of things, are they really family?"
"I'm not sure. Anyway, hope this cleared some stuff up."
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole in this situation.
"NTA. You have narcissists in your family. Your financial situation was assumed by your sister and mother and it isn't your job to correct other people's assumptions." ~ CuriosiT38
"NTA! That's really harsh of your sister to say she should get the inheritance because she has kids, knowing that you suffered a miscarriage!"
"You never told them you were poor and your mum could have asked you about it but obviously chose to just believe the rumour instead, but that's not your fault." ~ MissR_Phalange
"NTA. Your sister is the psycho here and your parents should stop putting it on you and enabling her. How is it your fault she is a greedy spendthrift that's makes up lies out of revenge?" ~ oanna
While the OP's family may have tried to make her feel she did something wrong, but Reddit definitely thinks she did not. So she can at least take solace in that.