It seems we've officially reached the part of self-isolation where we've all lost our ever-loving minds.
People protesting for the right to die, mayors offering up their citizens as a social-distancing "control group", and that's before we get to the thirst spiral we all went down this week over Stanley Tucci making a negroni.
We've utterly lost it.
But no one has lost it like Senator Mark Warner, who recently took to Instagram to gleefully and proudly show off his technique for making a tuna melt that is so vile you're going to throw your phone across the room as soon as you see it. Hope you're ready!
Virginia Democrat Mark Warner is one of the good ones in Congress, so we want to let this slide. However, even he himself admits that his "staff tried to stop me from sharing this quarantine delicacy with the world."
Honestly, they should have tried harder.
This is an abomination.
lisa kudrow wtf GIF by The Comeback HBO Giphy
Where to even begin?
There are so many questions.
- Why isn't the bread toasted?
- WHY IS THERE SO MUCH MAYONNAISE?
- Why isn't the mayonnaise and the tuna mixed together? This is unacceptable.
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We're not done there though.
There are still more questions to ask.
- WHY DID HE LET ALL THAT TUNA JUICE FALL ONTO THE BREAD? WHY‽‽
- This looks like he's dumping cat food onto a sandwich—that's not a question but it needs to be stated for the record.
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And finally, we must, we simply have no recourse, but to ask the toughest question of all.
- THE MICROWAVE MY DUDE‽‽
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Think of how offensively warm and needlessly wet that sandwich is. Imagine how badly that kitchen stinks.
This is a completely unnecessary assault on a population whose psyches are delicate and whose emotions are running high and when this pandemic is over we need a full inquest and tribunal. Is this what Virginia elected Mark Warner to do to the American people?
VOTE HIM OUT!!! (Just kidding, please do not do that, he's great.)
But this "sandwich"...
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Anyway, as you might guess, the internet has completely lost its mind over this "tuna melt."
I don't know why but watching Mark Warner make a tuna melt has completely broken me https://t.co/QfPVGnaKSq— Zach Montellaro (@Zach Montellaro)1587516782.0
I have seen some disgusting stuff but that tuna and mayo video from Mark Warner is still haunting me.— Josh Dawsey (@Josh Dawsey)1587596117.0
I just watched the Mark Warner tuna melt video for the 3rd time and yall. When the water from the can starts pourin… https://t.co/cdmO5IGUga— Southwest Virginia for Pete 🐝🚖 (@Southwest Virginia for Pete 🐝🚖)1587615486.0
I’ll say it, @MarkWarner pack your knives https://t.co/qhR9YOhlsm— Tom Colicchio (@Tom Colicchio)1587524643.0
.@WYATTLARKIN THERE IS SO MUCH MAYO I LITERALLY HEAVED THIS IS THE GREATEST THING EVER— Emily Rossi (@Emily Rossi)1587499759.0
@tomcolicchio @MarkWarner That is so caucasian I think I’m snowblind now— JustGetTheDamnShot (@JustGetTheDamnShot)1587524983.0
I have been making a lot of tuna melt sandwiches during quarantine and I am personally offended and physically revo… https://t.co/crf6VRqXUo— Emily Brooks (@Emily Brooks)1587570554.0
Wait...are y'all out here putting tuna straight from the can onto your bread? What in the unseasoned hell is that!… https://t.co/ZkbEEl8u6O— BlackWomenViews Media (@BlackWomenViews Media)1587566875.0
Watching Mark Warner make a tuna melt. https://t.co/XKkKBgmMNE— Stephen Colbert (@Stephen Colbert)1587603600.0
Even Warner's Washington colleagues were disturbed.
My staff just explicitly warned me not to microwave fish or to record myself doing it. https://t.co/RCVi3U0PMi— Congressman Raja Krishnamoorthi (@Congressman Raja Krishnamoorthi)1587524782.0
Ok @MarkWarner we need to talk. That’s too much mayo dude. Where is Lisa? I love your effort...but.... https://t.co/Fnuvg5bHhQ— Claire McCaskill (@Claire McCaskill)1587507497.0
Mark—we need to talk. Call. Please. Your friend KDH. https://t.co/IPGsT6cnjE— Kamala Harris (@Kamala Harris)1587569378.0
In fact Senator Kamala Harris was so concerned she dragged Warner onto Instagram Live to teach him how to... never do what he did ever again.
Turns out Kamala Harris was not having this so much so that she went on Instagram live and taught Mark Warner how t… https://t.co/xdDlw0cNHP— Deepa Shivaram (@Deepa Shivaram)1587592989.0
This is the kind of leadership we need in these times.
For his part, Senator Warner seems to have taken it all in stride.
There's a reason you guys didn't let me anywhere near the kitchen when I was on Top Chef! I'm gonna continue leavin… https://t.co/qsZPDPp1ai— Mark Warner (@Mark Warner)1587571115.0
At least now it can be about healing.
The book Melts: Over 50 Delicious Toasted & Grilled Sandwich Recipes is available here.