When you're deep in love, you're blind to possible signs that the perfect relationship you think you're in is not exactly what you think.
Those who've had their lives turned upside down after finding out their significant other was being unfaithful recalled early indications they might cheat on them.
Curious to hear from those who've had their hearts broken, Redditor Status_Roof_3150 asked:
"People who got cheated on, what were the early signs indicating that your partner might do it before they actually cheated?"
Redditors now know not to be fooled.
Unsettling Pleasantries
"They suddenly stop caring/become mean."
– Blindfunnymonkey
"This 100%."
"My partner who use to be very affectionate suddenly didn't want to cuddle in bed. I'd try to hold her and every single night she would pull away. She would do so in a grumpy manner but claim nothing was wrong."
"Everything I did in general seemed to upset her. I wasn't perfect but it seemed like to her I was a nuisance."
"I'd ask what was wrong or if I did something wrong. She would insist no."
"Nothing makes you feel more alone than being 2 feet from someone who not only doesn't want you, but seems to despise being close to you. My nights filled with anxiety, and heartache. I didn't tell her. I just told myself, 'I'll give her her space; maybe I am overthinking it. I should trust her.'"
"Finding out that I was just an inconvenience in her way made me feel worthless. Even my own partner, whom I'd loved for 6 years, was just with me for convenience, and all they wanted to do was be with someone other than me."
– SilasDG
Telling Behavior
"I always find it unusual when i just start getting accused of cheating or an unusual amount of fabricated fights cos i immediately recognise a guilty conscience."
– AppropriateDriver660
"This. I never even so much as talked to anyone, but my ex got super insecure and jealous about the smallest things like me looking at a woman in the street."
"Meanwhile, I trusted her blindly and never questioned her, and she was f**king her ex behind my back for 7+ months. The projected guilt is real."
– otz23
"When I was still a teenager I dated a guy who was super jealous, constantly questioning me about things and accusing me of cheating on him. My mom told me that people who act like this are more than likely cheating themselves, so they assume you are cheating as well."
"Not only did she turn out to be right about him, but in my experience this is nearly always the case with people who are cheating. It's probably the best advice my mom ever gave me."
– Lola_Montez88
Suspicious Chatter
"Look out for overexplanations of simple things. When the dinner with her friend has a TV script attached to it, you know something’s up. I guess this is more for ongoing cheating, but it's still applicable."
– Notlad0122
"Yes! The amount of information compared to their everyday non-communication. It’s almost impressive. Almost."
– ktates
Cheaters Gonna Cheat
"I used to think cheaters were the hot and arrogant 'Brads' so I stopped dating the popular kids when I was a teenager, and went for the cute geek gamer type."
"Turns out he cheated on me; which was the most pain I felt when I was 27 because the thought never crossed my mind that someone I loved so much and someone I thought was so kind would be able to hurt me that bad."
"There is no type :("
– FrenchynNorthAmerica
Seeing right through peculiar behaviors was common for many Redditors.
Reverse Psychology
"Acting like they hate a certain person, like really despise them when in fact they fancy them and are secretly seducing them."
– Plus_Data_1099
"Oh sh*t I guess this is why my ex hated his bff’s wife and then turned around and destroyed their marriage to f'k her. It never made sense to me until right now."
– pinkysooperfly
"I was in an 'open' situation, with 'as long as I know who they are and they know about me so we can all make informed decisions, I do not care at all, also wear a condom.' and that was, jesus, just so so rotten of me to demand."
"Anyway he was always wonderful and perfect in private, started acting like he didn't know me in public, and was always with women he described with words and phrases like 'boring and weird' 'lifeless' 'rabbit boiling f'king nuts' and 'a train wreck you can't look away from but worse because there's a kid involved.' "
"And then I woke up one night and thought '..oooooooooooh...oh sh*t, what does he say about me?' Nothing good, not to those women."
"Super cool, loved that for us."
– WitchesTeat
When A New One Comes Along
"When they started using their phone in 'secret agent mode' and suddenly had an inexplicable interest in 'getting really fit' with someone who wasn’t you, those were the signs. It’s like watching a poorly disguised heist movie where you’re the last to know."
– conglectchoup_change
"A hard shift in typical behavior, usually revolving around things that were previously public suddenly being secret."
"I caught my ex gf cheating bc she would usually talk about where/who she was with often. Then suddenly became vague about those details. She used to have me use her phone to look things up, and around that same time she suddenly was very guarded about where it was and wouldnt let me look. She also stopped sharing her work schedule."
"She got caught because she said she would be working a double, and I had already suspected some shenanigans, so when I casually walked in to her work (and not call her cell directly) to ask her something they said she wasnt there."
"I immediately called her cell and she said she was in her unit and not to disturb her. 'If you were at work we would be having this convo face to face' and hung up. She knew it was over. We had the talk a few hours later and went our separate ways."
– blackmobius
Not How They Used To Be
"Sudden interest in losing weight, distance, unwarranted anger at me, work trips away with late flights home, lack of interest in me or my family, lack of interest in sex (with me anyway)."
"Looking back they add up but at the time it can be hard to put your finger on and in my instance I thought he was depressed (lol)."
– puffinpuffpuffin
"This. I thought he was just depressed and I ignored all the signs. I was just trying to help and support him. When I reached the point where I felt like that wasn’t normal and showed my intention of leaving, he was crying and saying things like he couldn’t imagine his life without me. Mental."
– PearInfinite8799
"My ex girlfriend was exactly the same. She’d tell me I was everything she prayed for in her life, loved me more than anyone she ever has but at the same time was trying to hookup with an old friend with benefits she had."
"I found the texts and she immediately started crying saying she made a mistake. We split up and two days later she was on bumble with me cropped out of our pictures. Mental indeed."
– Seaayy
Wandering Eye
"He checked out other women. Not just a bit, but in obvious ways. I’m also here to say that people that chase after that exciting feeling of love are, in my opinion, much more likely to cheat. They’ll always be searching for that feeling and you can’t give them that forever."
"They also give themselves away in small ways like saying all men cheat or that they’re 'not a good person'. They’ll even say these in a joking way, but actually they’re telling on themselves. Also just a little extra note, stay away from men that disrespect older women or older people in general."
"It was a big sign that he wanted to cling onto his youth. People like that will usually cheat on you with someone younger someday because they hate growing old. Hope that helps!"
– Ok_Scratch_9736
Suddenly Combative
"Starting fights, being defensive / projecting. He would start fights over nothing to try to get me to leave or him leave. He would literally start fights when he was about to cheat on me or after to make himself feel less guilty I guess?"
"I would say being secretive of their phone is a big one, but mine was overly NOT secretive of his phone. I’m almost positive he had a burner somewhere, but I also had never looked through his phone in the decade that we were together so he didn’t really need to be super secretive."
"But one day I got a gut feeling (we were about to buy a house). Gave in to my gut feeling and went through his phone when he fell asleep and that was it - years and years of cheating and so much more lol."
"So GUT INSTINCT is the biggest one for me. May not be an early sign, but is a sign you should not ignore. I was suppressing my gut instincts for so long because of trauma that I assumed I was just overreacting or had anxiety. But no…I wish I had trusted it sooner."
– murmaider-
The best indicator of anything unsettling starts with your gut as the previous Redditor mentioned.
Don't underestimate your inner alarm telling you that the person with whom you're sharing the bed may be dreaming of someone else to be with.
If there's any sense of doubt about your relationship creeping in, being communicative about your feelings is a good place to start to get to the bottom of things.
@sama/X
