What to name your child is a decision that will stick with parents for years and years to come (obviously).
But what happens when two parents-to-be simply can't decide what to call their little bundle of joy?
In a story posted to the popular subReddit "Am I The A**hole?" Reddit user namesareimportant2 wanted to know who was in the wrong after her husband refused to budge on naming their new daughter.
She titled her story "AITA for going against my husband's wishes when naming my daughter?"
"My husband and I were expecting our first child, a girl. A few years ago, he lost his mom. Now, I loved his mom but she had a very 'grandma' sounding name. Think Mildred or Ethel. My husband suggested we name our daughter that. I said while I got the sentimental value, i didn't like it for our daughter's name."
"I suggested it as a middle name as a compromise and he said no, no, it should be her first name. I said no, names should have a two yes, one no rule. But I was more than happy to give her the name as a middle. Conversations about names became a fight for months. He'd veto any name I picked: classic, modern, a nickname of his mom's name but still not the full one. It wasn't what he wanted."
"I give birth and he's there. All is calm and we're thrilled. He says something about naming her after his mom again and I just don't answer. Instead, later when asked, I said it was Lily (his mom's name as a middle).
He needed to sign off on it and got pissed when he saw what I did. I told him that I wouldn't sign off on his mom's name being the baby's first name and that I gave him ample time to help me pick something else. He reluctantly signed it and does call her Lily."
"However, he does still (6 months later), says I bullied him into naming our daughter something he didn't want. I asked how it was an different than what he tried to do to me when I was freshly hormonal and had just given birth. Who is the a** here?"
The question was a hard one, but many felt the wife had done all she could.
"This may be a divisive topic, but I'm going with [Not The A**hole] (NTA). You had 9 months to decide on a name and he was being mule-headed and dug his heels in, when you gave him ample options, given what you have described. You tried to compromise, he pretty much refused to meet you in the middle, instead hoping to get his way when she was actually born." -Kagato_NZ
At some point, the name has to go on forms and if the husband refuses to budge then that's on him!
"Uh huh. My husband hated my ideal name, I hated his. Yes has to be unanimous but no doesn't. But this dude didn't check the vibe of any other name, so if his ideal name has already been vetoed then all he's bringing to the discussion is an underscore where a name should be."
"Since you can't name a baby __________ and it was literally the point where you're writing the name down on the official forms, he can stop sooking and accept that the baby needed a name and the mum gave her one. Damn, one delivery two babies huh" -snoozywaifu
Things easily could have fallen in the other direction.
"My brother did the same thing. He picked a name for my nephew and refused all other suggestions from my sister-in-law. The baby had no name when he was born until she finally said fuck it and went with his name a week later. Didn't think much of it at the time (I was only 16) but the more I thought about it over the years the more I realized my brother is an a**hole." -joemama19
Many agreed that the wife had tried to compromise, which gave her the high ground.
"Same. I get people who voted E S H, but at some point when the other person is being unreasonable and doesn't let go, either you need to get out the big guns, are roll over and take it. OP was honest with her husband, tried to compromise, gave him plenty of options... So no, you're not the AH for holding strong and not letting your husband bully you." -LazyOpia
Many also pointed out the husbands questionable behavior trying to follow up about the name he knew his wife hated after she went through labor.
"Fair. Also what kind of jerk watches his wife go through labor and thinks, 'I bet after this, she'll be more receptive to giving me what I want. That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works.'" -mouse_attack
Some felt if a husband doesn't come to the table willing to compromise, he's basically giving away his seat at the table.
"Agreed. My husband was equally picky about our son's name. I vetoed his first choice because he wanted to name him after himself and I find that so confusing, and two others because they were nice names but we have close relatives with those names (one of them being a family name that has been passed down to multiple people on my side)."
"I gave him a huge list of boy names I could live with and told him to come up with some too but he never did. We ended up using my first choice name because his only objection was that it was used in a couple of old videos (think David after dentist). I gave him full rein for the middle name and he picked his own name. Compromise." -missnondescript9
What was the wife supposed to do in this situation?
"My question is, if this is [Everyone Sucks Here] (ESH), what could OP have done to not be the a**hole? I can somewhat understand the judgement, but it sounds like OP tried to talk to her husband, tried to suggest a variety of names, and the husband refused to engage. At that point, what are her options?"
"Maybe she could've been nicer about it or tried to have one last conversation about his stubbornness - but that's not a reasonable expectation from someone who just gave birth. Husband had months to accept that he wasn't getting his way and engage with choosing a new name, OP doesn't have to do the emotional labor of helping him accept this while she's exhausted and in pain."
"NTA from me. Husband shouldn't have shot down all of OP's attempts at compromise, and if he truly hadn't liked the name Lily then he could've vetoed it and started a genuine discussion about names that they both like." -The_Iron_Quill
If you're ever trying to decide on the name of a child, remember that you might not get your first choice! Parenting is all about compromise and that starts long before the child is born.
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