Sometimes, during an argument, things can go too far and we say things we can't take back.
Reddit user drankx wants to know whether her behavior warranted her mother bringing up her abortion (which she had years ago) during an argument over water.
She titled her story "AITA for getting mad at my mum after she mentioned my abortion to get back at me?"
"So about 2 years ago I had a termination because I was still on college, didn't earn near enough and was in a very sh*tty stage in my relationship. I was taking my birth control but it didn't work unfortunately after I had to switch to a different brand. Today My mum got mad at me because I took her micelar water (which I 100% didn't) and started ranting about how lazy I was and what not."
"I don't mind whenever she starts ranting about things because that's just her, everyday she has someone to get mad at. She told me my room is a mess (I'm in the process of moving out so there's sh*t everywhere since I've been taking stuff out my wardrobe and trying to put it in bags so by the end off the week everything will be ready to go so I'll give her that.) and then she starts saying things like "You were women enough to get an abortion at least be a woman to clean your f*cking room. It's a mess" and I was shocked."
"I told her to not mention anything about my abortion and that it was none of her business. She got even angrier and said I had no right to get mad at her since I was living at her house. I'm now quietly packing my stuff crying. All of this over some stupid micelar water."
"My partner is wondering why I look so upset but I just lied and said I'm sick. I know if I tell him he will get mad at my mum. AITA"
In this case, most people seemed to agree the mother was acting ridiculously.
"NTA. Making such a personal attack over what started as a squabble over micelar (I know I must've spelled that wrong) water? Yikes. And what the hell do your personal reproductive choices have to with a messy room?"
"Plus you're in the process of moving out, that's why it's messy, and she's attacking both the "mess" and your soon-to-be-previous living arrangement? It sounds like she just needed something to be mad about/someone to take it out on." -Lunar_Heart
To many, the mother's behavior seemed beyond rude.
"NTA. My thoughts exactly. There is an underlying problem if she gets mad regularly and takes it out on OP. Also Idk what micelar water is, but if it's not miracle water blessed by Jesus himself I don't see how that could warrant such anger and a low blow like that."
"This 'while you live under my roof' stuff is some bs excuse to act out how she pleases. That's manipulative at best and downright evil at worst." -Gilgameshbrah
Some Reddit users advised getting out sooner rather than later.
"NTA. That comment was completely out of line."
"Your mother is likely going through some emotional changes with you moving out of the house, and people are liable to say things they might regret when under stress or going through major life changes. However, a comment of that nature is the kind of thing I'd expect from a high school girl or a bitter church lady, not a grown woman."
"Leave. As soon as possible. If you need to stay with your partner for a few days while you find a place, so be it. You need to get out of that situation. Like...now." -SpaceCadetBoneSpurs
This mother will likely never understand what her daughter went through fully.
"NTA, you made a very personal decision based on your circumstances that was best for you. She has no right to throw that back into your face over something that really is stupid and trivial. If I was you I'd tell my partner because sometimes you need someone on your side to fight your battles when you have been wounded." -Auslan02
The only thing anyone suggested OP change about her behavior was her decision not to tell her partner.
"NTA, but, you should probably be honest with your partner. Communication, openness, and honesty are important and so are your feelings. I don't think he/she'd judge you. Your mom went WAYYY over the line." -themarajade1
Users hoped OP had proper arrangements to move out for good.
"NTA. That's horrible and I'm so sorry that happened. Do you have a place to go and do you have enough money to get your own place?"
"I ask because you don't want to move in haste only to find yourself having to call up your mom in a couple of months when you find yourself in a tight situation. Because that would only give your mom more ammo to attack you later on when you fight again. Best of luck to you." -IrreverentOne
People were collectively disgusted by this kind of behavior from an adult.
"NTA, and I knew as soon as I read the title. Your mother sounds vicious and seems like a despicable woman to live with, and I wish you the absolute best in getting as far away from her as possible. That is absolutely disgusting." -PhazonFire2
Perhaps our nation's social distancing rules have played a factor here?
"I'm sorry I laughed a bit, 'woman enough to get an abortion'? What does that even mean and what is the opposite implication? That you would not be woman enough if you decided to give birth? Logic 101."
"Your mom sounds a bit out of crazy town tbh, my friend is experiencing similar uncalled for outbursts of anger from her mom rn so maybe it's the quarantine getting to your already unstable mother?" -morgisartre
OP has got to get out of there.
"Soooo NTA, your mother sounds like a miserable, vile person. She's not mad about micellar water, she's mad about life and she's taking it out on you. And what is even worse, you sound so apologetic in your tone that this woman has clearly done so much more damage than this."
"You having a messy room because of moving is NOT an excuse, it's a REASON. And your mother had absolutely no right to bring that up. She doesn't want to communicate with you, she WANTS to hurt you. Absolutely no one every takes shots at someone like that unless their goal is to hurt that person."
"Stand up for yourself, or she will continue to behave this way. Or honestly, just stay as far away from her as you can, because at this point, she isn't likely to change." -NOX-ious
When it came to the mother's toxic behavior and OP's need to stand up for herself, almost everyone was on the same page.
"I hope you are in the process of cutting off -- or at least setting better boundaries with -- your mom. It is clear that she is emotionally abusive to you, and that you have become desensitized to it."
"If you're not careful, you may find this manifesting in your own behavior in one of two ways: either repeating her actions to your own partner / future children (because it subconsciously seems "normal" to you) or tolerating it from others (your loved ones, coworkers, friends), again, because it's how you're used to being treated and feels "normal" to you. It's not normal. It's not right."
"And you shouldn't let her do it to you if you can at all avoid it. Don't confide in her things like your abortion, even when she seems like she's on "good" behavior -- she'll weaponize it when she's not. Don't let her guilt you into treating her like everything's okay when it's not. Don't let her keep hurting you."
"NTA, unless you continue to tolerate this and hide it from your partner. You need to see this problem clearly for what it is, and be honest about it to those you love." -ChimericalTrainer
Yes, we all say things in anger we wish we could take back, but it seems this mother has crossed a line. Find a new new place to live fast, OP!
The book But It's Your Family…: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath is available here.
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