Attending the funeral of a loved one is already painful enough on its own.
But when a family member uses it as an occasion to promote themself, does it cross a line?
Redditor Aita0075613 recently found himself at odds with his half-brother during his late wife's funeral, so he turned to the subReddit "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) to see if his actions were justified, asking:
"AITA: For kicking my half brother out when he was handing guests invitations at my wife's funeral?"
The original poster (OP) explained what happened.
"My M(ale) 39 wife of 6 years passed away from BC 3 weeks ago. It's devastating and I'm barely holding it together."
"I used to sleep either at the hospital or my dad and stepmom's house. He's supported me at the time and I also have a 29yo half brother."
"My brother's wedding is in 3 months. When I came from the hospital and sat and cried he brought up the wedding planning with his mom and talked about the venue/menu and ignored me."
"He made backhanded comments, 'I can't imagine this happening to my fiancee', saying I'm not doing enough, constantly comparing me to him and how he would've done more."
"I stopped going. I'd rather sit alone in an empty house than listen to him."
"At the funeral, he came with my stepmom. His phone didn't stop ringing. Everyone noticed."
"Then later when the guests were sitting inside the house, he kept asking about certain relatives to see if they came. I was with my dad at the time."
"Once the guests started leaving, I saw my brother standing by the door, handing guests envelopes then shaking their hands then they walk out. I didn't know what he was handing them."
"I walked up to him and asked him. He showed me invitations for his wedding that he was handing out to guests. I was stunned I asked if he was serious."
"He said there were some relatives/family that live out of town who came to the funeral and he wanted to do an actual hand delivery from his hand to theirs, saying mailing invitations didn't feel proper."
"I lashed out at him and he said no one noticed so it was no big deal, he just wanted to make sure everyone got an invitation since the whole family was there. I was so mad, no wonder the guests gave me weird looks before walking out."
"What's worse that my wife's family saw this and were upset. I felt awful and embarrassed."
"I was infuriated. I yelled at him and told him to leave immediately. My dad and stepmom and others got involved but he left after I insisted."
"My dad berated him but said that this is how he is, being insensitive. My stepmom said that I shouldn't have kicked him out in front of everyone (her side of the family) and disrespecting the family."
"She said no one was noticing and that he thought this was an opportunity for him to make sure they know about his wedding. I argued with her and other family members for hours about it."
"My dad's side of the family said they were upset because of what he did and my stepmom's side of family were upset I kicked him out. My stepmom is now contacting me to get me to go talk to my brother and get right with him."
He later added:
"My stepmom never sees anything wrong with my brother's behavior. No matter what he does she always tries to defend him either directly or indirectly. Dad isn't doing a d*mn thing about it."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
They assured the OP that he was not the a**hole.
"NTA. Who in their right mind thinks handing out wedding invitations during a FUNERAL is okay?"
"That's the most insensitive thing I've heard of, and what's wrong with mailing the invitations? I've known many people to send them through the mail and have received them in the mail myself, it's so commonplace."
"I'm so sorry your own brother did this to you."—AGoddessViolet
"NTA. At some point, you'll likely need to RSVP that you aren't going to the wedding."
"I don't think your brother will intuit that. Be sure to give his intended an early heads up on why you won't be there."
"I'm sorry for your loss."—Alternative_Year_340
"NTA. The half brother lack social awareness, and he is very inconsiderate."
"Also his actions of basically ignoring OP and talking about his wedding right after OP lost his wife was f**ked up."
"I guarantee a lot of those relatives probably will end up not coming to the wedding based on how the half brother decided to handle those invitations. Also if the wedding's in 3 months, didn't he send save the dates prior to getting invitations?"—Interesting_Forever2
"NTA, your brother is selfish and unsympathetic, and your wife deserved to have an undisrupted service. I am so sorry for your loss, and wish you the best."
"ETA: if anyone embarrassed your family, it was your brother, NOT you."—OutrageousText4914
"Having his phone on alone settles it for me, the rest is even worse"—Aqua-Regis
Many suggested the OP rethink his relationship not just with his half-brother, but also with his stepmom.
"Since when is a grieving spouse 'no one'. I bet everyone was keeping quiet, they understood you were the one to be protected and/or were confused if the serious breach had your OK."
"I guess you need to hear this, your stepmom and brother are toxic. I think it's telling you refer to him with the half qualifier instead of brother with the same parent info, you don't have to call him family at all."
"Toxic families always go after the one with good boundaries, never the offender. NTA"—copper_rabbit
"NTA - holy sh*t I can't believe you even held it together that well. Since when is mailing invitations bad?"
"I'd much rather get an invite in the mail than at a funeral. It sounds like your half brother is a selfish and immature fool."
"I'm so sorry for your loss OP. And I'm so sorry you have to deal with this AH on top of it."—letsnotmeetbb
"Holy sh*t, NTA - your brother was being an a** (since when is mailing wedding invites 'not proper'?) and your stepmom is as well."
"The sheer nerve of accusing YOU of 'disrespecting family' given bro's shameful behavior at your wife's funeral and at the house afterwards."
"If she wants you and your brother to 'get right' she get get on his a** to apologize."
"I'm so sorry. For your loss and for having to deal with this stupidity."—griseldabean
"NTA - majorly not the a**hole."
"Sorry for your loss & sorry to hear your brother was super insensitive and your stepmom talking about herself being embarrassed. This day was not about them in any way shape or form."—mrscactus97
The OP has yet to update Reddit about where he currently stands with his half-brother, but if he doesn't receive an apology soon he may be mourning the loss of his familial relationships along with the loss of his wife.