Alert! Alert! This is a Twitter thread you HAVE TO READ--and it has nothing to do with politics🎉🎉🎉
Everyone has a "worst boss" story. Unless you're extremely lucky, we all end up working for someone weird, dumb, mean or even criminal eventually. It's like a rite of passage! Likewise, we all have that one huge eff up at work, that one tiny decision where if we'd just done, like, literally anything else but what we did, we would've come out of the situation unscathed.
But this right here? This is all of that taken to the next level.
Meet Quinn Cummings. Oscar-nominated child actress, writer of three books, and--most importantly for our purposes--former Hollywood agent's assistant. And it is that latter credential that inspired a hilarious Twitter thread that is blowing up the internet.
Gather round, Gentle Readers. It is time I tell the story of the worst decision I ever made in an office. Some of y… https://t.co/edCj5uR4wC— Quinn Cummings (@Quinn Cummings) 1541630932.0
Many moons ago, Cummings worked for a woman named Susan Smith, who was agent to actors like Kathy Bates and Brian Dennehy. Smith, Cummings said on Twitter, was known for three things: her great "taste in clients," adept negotiation, and, perhaps most importantly:
3. She was insane.— Quinn Cummings (@Quinn Cummings) 1541630933.0
But, like, REALLY insane:
I'm sure you're thinking, "Quinn, it's the entertainment industry, they are all insane." Yes, many are. So consider… https://t.co/tSAkk9HHuo— Quinn Cummings (@Quinn Cummings) 1541630933.0
Volatile, capable off toggling between rage-screaming and whispered tears in 90 seconds. An unerring instinct at kn… https://t.co/quggAqgcfe— Quinn Cummings (@Quinn Cummings) 1541630933.0
I was her assistant for six months. If I hear a phone that sounds like the one we had in the office, I still get nauseated.— Quinn Cummings (@Quinn Cummings) 1541630933.0
But volatile as she was, her clients were everything to her, and her care shone through in their sparkling careers. Which is why when Brian Dennehy expressed a long-held dream to perform in Death of a Salesman on the Chicago stage, Susan not only made it happen, but helped make her client a Tony winner in 1999 when the Chicago production moved to Broadway. Smith, as Quinn tells it, was "ecstatic." And Cummings and her coworkers were relieved.
I was now an agent, not her assistant, but Susan didn't hold with such distinctions. We all got screamed at, we all… https://t.co/wR7GTso36N— Quinn Cummings (@Quinn Cummings) 1541630935.0
Finally the pressure around the office would decrease! Except...
And then Brian forgot to thank her.— Quinn Cummings (@Quinn Cummings) 1541630935.0
What ensued at the office was precisely what you'd think: a nightmare. But there was one ray of light: Dennehy himself was going to take out a full-page ad in Variety and The Hollywood Reporter to publicly thank Smith. The only thing Dennehy needed was a photo of Smith to use in the ad. Easy!
Except Smith hated having her photo taken, so there was nothing to choose from. Smith's new assistant, whom Cummings calls "Chet," turned to Quinn, who'd since been promoted, in hopes that she'd know of a good one to use.
I smiled, because I did. Susan, like many women of a certain age, wasn't terribly fond of having her picture taken… https://t.co/uC9s2DGFnH— Quinn Cummings (@Quinn Cummings) 1541630936.0
The two snuck the photo out of Smith's office, sent it to Dennehy, and the ad appeared as planned. That morning, Quinn and her coworkers waited for Susan to show up to the office, elated and moved and grateful. For once she'd be happy, maybe even cheerful!
Except... well, I'll just let Quinn tell you:
The door opened.— Quinn Cummings (@Quinn Cummings) 1541630937.0
Susan inhaled.— Quinn Cummings (@Quinn Cummings) 1541630937.0
"Who the fuck," she screamed, "Gave Brian a picture OF MY MOTHER."— Quinn Cummings (@Quinn Cummings) 1541630937.0
When I read this on Twitter last night, I audibly gasped. And perhaps unsurprisingly, the rest of Twitter had a similarly enthusiastic reaction:
@quinncy https://t.co/h9oOJQt4fF— It’sJustPat (@It’sJustPat) 1541633001.0
@quinncy This story gave me Office Flashback Chills!— Karen DaltonBeninato (@Karen DaltonBeninato) 1541634131.0
@quinncy Oh dear God in Heaven that story is awful and I plan to tell it many times— Tom Nichols (@Tom Nichols) 1541631658.0
@quinncy On a scale of 1 to 10, this story is an 100.— The Hoarse Whisperer (@The Hoarse Whisperer) 1541632657.0
@quinncy This may be the very greatest punchline in the history of all history.— Gummitch #FBPE (@Gummitch #FBPE) 1541637462.0
@quinncy Quinn, this is the best thing I have read in like three days of non-stop political reporting. Thank you. 💐— Victoria Brownworth (@Victoria Brownworth) 1541637940.0
The thread even reached those who used to know Susan, who were just as thrilled as us Average Joes:
@quinncy Quinn. I remember this. I was at Bloom at the time. I had my trades, coffee breakdowns and went into the… https://t.co/NhS4dR47EJ— Mitchell K Stubbs (@Mitchell K Stubbs) 1541652519.0
Even Brian Dennehy's own daughters chimed in!
@quinncy Quinn, you might not remember me but we met at the office. Susan repped me for a little while until I also… https://t.co/xB9cuCGKcI— Kathleen Dennehy (@Kathleen Dennehy) 1541635936.0
So did Quinn make it through her well intended antics unscathed? Well...
@quinncy @WriterLe This is literally the funniest thing I have read in ages. Thank you for the laugh :) I hope you… https://t.co/ozfymq37dQ— Josie Stevens (@Josie Stevens) 1541634761.0
@JosieStevensMTR @WriterLe I was the guilty party. It seemed only right.— Quinn Cummings (@Quinn Cummings) 1541634817.0
Just goes to show, at work as in life, no good deed goes unpunished!