There's an unwritten rule about the exes of best friends or close family. Dating them comes at your own risk.
Add in complications from the reasoning for the breakup and you have a recipe for complete disaster.
Redditor Sensitive_Coast8052 just found out her younger cousin is dating an ex, and what goes down next is shocking. Where else can she go for judgement but Reddit's "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit?
The original poster (OP) asks:
"AITA for not supporting my cousins relationship?"
Her post explains:
"My younger cousin(23female) and I(27f) have been super close since she turned 16. We did most things together and she even lived with me for a bit when she turned 18."
"It's been great and I even see her as more of a little sister than a cousin."
"From ages 13-25, I dated and was engaged to Mark(27male). My cousin knew him well."
"When I turned 25, Mark and I had a serious discussion about marriage and children and ended up breaking up. He had lied to me our entire adult relationship about wanting marriage and kids. It killed me."
"My cousin was there for me the entire time. You can probably see where this is going."
To clarify, in a comment OP explains that she wanted kids, and Mark did not.
"A month ago, my cousin announced she was pregnant and engaged! I was excited for her until I went over for a celebratory family cookout and met her newly moved in fiance. Guess who it was?"
"Yep, it was Mark. My world came crashing down and I just left. I didnt say anything, i just walked out."
"Family tried calling, my cousin tried calling and texting me but I didnt answer anyone."
"After about a week, I finally answered my cousins call. She told me she needed me to be there for her and she knew it was weird, but he was going to be family and I should be happy for her."
"I told her I couldnt support any of this and to please not contact me again."
"I now have family telling me what's done is done and i need to get over it because cousin is getting married and having a baby, that i need to think of her and that this is an exciting time for the family. I told everyone to f*** off and if they support this, not to contact me again because family wouldnt do this to eachother."
"They called me a b**** and told me it's been 2 years, that no one owns a man, and I needed to shape up because this is happening. I blocked all of them."
Here on Reddit's AITA, people ask for judgement on their actions.
Responses come down to one of the following.
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
After reading her story, many came to the conclusion that OP was not wrong to cut off her cousin.
"Most definitely NTA, what she did was terrible. She knew y'all were together for all those years and broken up and she still dated him."
"That's basically betraying you. I'm sorry you have to go through that." - Un_Poco_De_Casa
"NTA. Your cousin can marry whom she likes, but you don't have to be there for it."
"I'm sure it's tough on your family too but it's disappointing that they are all siding with her, after you were in a relationship with this guy for TWELVE YEARS including engagement." - eugenesnewdream
"All the fish in the sea, and your cousin chose Mark knowing how much he hurt you. It must've been a slap in the face to see him taking big steps in life with her, knowing he didn't want those things with you; I can't see how your family doesn't understand that. NTA." - BigFatJoints
"NTA. Most certainly because of the way your cousin did it you ...had you walk into it cold with the entire family there and find out about this on the spot."
"she didn't call you months or years ago saying they 'may start dating what do you think about it is that ok 'etc. ....she let you walk in on a bomb" - dart1126
However, not everyone agreed. Many felt there were other ways to look at this, with some even suggesting OP was wrong.
And they were very passionate about OP needing to move on.
"YTA because they are right."
"You DON'T own him."
"It HAS been two years."
"Unless he was cheating on you with your cousin, you do need to get over this. He was not the man for you. He might be the man for her. He might not."
"Either way, you don't get to dictate either your cousin or your ex's relationships. Grow up." - Trilobyte141
"NAH Look it's been two years it's not overnight she should have told you in privet not dropped it on you like a bomb. You don't need to support her but for your own sake you should forgive her."
"It's been two years if you still haven't moved on from mark please get therapy for your own sake."
"She's allowed to date who she wants to date. You're allowed to be angry and hurt. Mark is allowed to change his mind." - frimrussiawithlove85
"So, your cousin needs your approval to date, and your blessing to marry?"
"Outside of a relationship, you no longer control or have input in Marks decisions. He can date whom he chooses."
"Your cousin, being a strong independent woman, can do the same."
"Your family can choose to support this relationship regardless of wether you like it or not."
"Maybe seek professional help." - galoluscus
No can force you to feel something different when someone hurt you. While some may say OP's anger is childish, others will say it's justified.
If OP can live with her choice to cut out family, maybe they should consider how much this hurt her.